By Mike Stevens
A Blue Lion Tale
“Come over here, I’ve got something to show you!” Richard Sellers heard this from his particularly-hostile-looking cell mate. 'Yeah, I’ll just bet you do!', he thought to himself. He was waiting to be questioned and expected the call to come at any moment. It couldn’t come soon enough. He’d been through this routine a couple of times before, and just wanted to get far away from Mr. Friendly. He knew however that this was his third arrest and he was in real danger of getting strike three and being locked up for good. Both previous times he had been interrogated by the same nice guy. He wondered if he’d get the same guy now. He had become very friendly with the guy and thought maybe he might be able to avoid this being considered strike three. After all, it wasn’t like he was a violent offender. Surely, the non-violent nature of his crimes must work in his favor. Well, he knew he was in some deep crap this time, but there had to be a way for him to avoid permanent jail time. Just then he heard a key rattle in the cell look and heard a voice say,
“Okay Mr. Sellers, if you would be so kind as to follow me? I need to ask you a few questions.”
Well, here it came; it was time to do some fancy talking. Sellers didn’t recognize the voice, so it must be someone new. Damn; oh well, he’d just have to make the best of it.
“Excuse me mister, but what’s your name?”
“Oh, please forgive me, I failed to introduce myself. See, I was just hired on to this job and I’m not used to the ways of being a detective. Up until recently I owned my own private security company. My name is Gavin McTavin.”
Richard Sellers sat with hopeful thoughts at the end of the interrogation table, looking at his interrogator, the man called McTavin. He studied McTavin’s face for some kind of compassion, but could see none. McTavin started speaking,
“Mr. Sellers, I’m going to ask you a few questions and I’d appreciate honest answers. If you answer honestly we can be done very quickly. However, if you tell me some crap, we’ve got a problem. See, I have a knack for knowing when someone’s screwing with me, and feeding me a line. Shall we begin, Sellers?”
Sellers’ heart sank. This guy was all business. It was going to be extremely difficult to find any compassion with this guy, but he had to try. “Yes sir, let’s get it started.” McTavin then walked around until he was standing directly behind Sellers, and began speaking.
“Okay, Mr. Sellers, let’s start from the beginning. What made you want to become a rip-off bastard?”
Sellers responded, “I’m not a rip-off bastard; I prefer the term “freelance opportu—”
Suddenly, Sellers was smacked hard in the back of the head.
“Wrong answer, jerk-weed, you’re nothing but a ripoff bastard!”
Richard couldn’t believe this guy. No compassion was coming his way from this dude. This guy was a real hardcore jerk. “I’m sorry if I offended you, I only mean—”
His sentence was cut short by a fist which Mctavin, who had moved around in front of him, pounded into his stomach.
“Wrong answer, again, scumbag. Now, once again, you rip-off bastard!”
Richard tried to get some air into his lungs as gasped, “Okay, okay, I don’t remember exactly the moment I first decided to become a rip-off bastard.”
“Okay, now that you started telling the truth, why did you attempt to steal The Blue Lion three times?”
Richard responded with, “I wanted the challenge of stealing the hardest to stea—oouucchh!”
Still standing in front of Sellers, McTavin had pounded his fist into Sellers’ face. “You lie, dip-wad; now, unless you want me to punch you agai—”
His words were interrupted by a man wearing a captain’s uniform, who screamed, “McTavin, violence against prisoners is not permitted! Take off that badge, you’ve disgraced it by your actions.”
McTavin sheepishly replied, “Please Captain, this prisoner looks harmless, but he just attacked me!”
The captain gave McTavin a scowl and yelled, “No he didn’t; I’ve been watching you through the two-way mirror, and I saw you make an unprovoked attack on him. Not only are you abusive to prisoners, you’re a liar. You’re fired!”
McTavin yelled back, “Oh, is that right? We’ll just see what the union has to say about that; and as for rip-off here, he’s hiding something, I can tell.”
The captain pointed to the door and replied, “Out, just get out!”
McTavin stormed off in a huff, but not before giving a dirty look to Sellers and hissing, “We’re not done, no sir, not by a long-shot!”
After McTavin had gone, Sellers had an inspiration. Maybe if he threatened to sue the charges might be lowered. “Oh, I think I might have a broken jaw, Ouch!”
The captain looked around and in a low voice told Sellers that if he agreed not to sue, he would make the charges disappear; that the department had had a lot of lawsuits filed against it lately and couldn’t afford yet-another lawsuit, so it would be better if the whole thing went away. Sellers smiled to himself and agreed. How about that for luck, damn!
© Copyright 2016 Mike Stevens. All rights reserved.
Book / Humor
Book / Humor
Book / Humor
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