Caught With Your Hand in The Cookie Jar
By Mike Stevens
A Blue Lion Tale
Richard Sellers was free! He’d served hard time in prison after he was caught by the police attempting his first heist, stealing the famous Blue Lion statue. He had had every disaster happen to him during the attempted theft. First, he had been blinded a by strobe light as he pulled open the living room door; then after he’d recovered most of his eyesight, he’d made his way to the door of the small sitting room where the Blue Lion was kept inside its own security case, and started to pull it open, only to have extremely loud music break the silence. And, as he was desperately trying to reach the nearby stereo that was playing the music, he’d somehow gotten his coat caught in a tablecloth and pulled all the dishes set out off the dining room table and onto the floor, where they all shattered with a tremendous ‘crash!’ Then, he’d given up on being quiet and thrown a chair through the glass of the cabinet that housed The Blue Lion, causing a shrill, piercing alarm to sound, and he’d been arrested as he was exiting the house by a cop who lived across the street. What were the odds? He’d been sentenced to 15 years by a hard-case judge, but had been released after 8 with time off for good behavior. Now free, he’d immediately decided to try and steal The Blue Lion again. After all, he knew now what to expect.
He had learned the hard way the first time, and wouldn’t fall for the same tricks again! Richard Sellers was once again inside the private home which housed The Blue Lion statue. Sellers had come in through a little-used bathroom window, and, just to be safe, he had cut the power lines outside the home that supplied electricity to the house. He would not go near the dining room table, and he didn’t have to worry about a strobe light when he opened the door to the living room, or ear-splitting music shrieking out when he opened the small sitting room door, because of the cut power line. He was sure the security lasers had a backup power generator, but he’d just be careful. He strode confidentially to the living room door, and started to open it. Instantly, the room was filled once with the pulsing beams of a strobe light. How was that even possible? He staggered blindly to the door to the sitting room where the security case was located. Surely, the loud music wouldn’t play, without any power. He started to open the door, and once again the thundering song, “The Theme from the Pink Panther”, blared out. What? He ran over to the new stereo, and finally managed to shut it off. Once again, he held his breath, expecting to hear approaching footsteps, but he heard nothing. He’d already determined the homeowner to be gone, but the music was so loud he thought it surely must alert the neighbors, but nothing. The stereo must be connected to the emergency generator also. He collected his wits and walked over to the security case, carefully bent down to it, and avoiding the protective lasers, because they’d trigger the silent alarm, reached in to remove The Blue Lion; immediately, a piercing, high-pitched alarm sounded; he thought he’d been so careful! Then, he noticed a laser beam coming straight down. He’d been so focused on avoiding the other, known laser beams; he had failed to notice this new one. He quickly grabbed the Blue Lion and turned to run.
Again, he had almost made it across the yard, when the same cop as last time, again holding a baseball bat, yelled for him to drop facedown on the ground.
“Son of a bitch, not you again?” he complained.
“It just so happens my dog had to go to the bathroom; lucky for me and not such good luck for you!”
© Copyright 2016 Mike Stevens. All rights reserved.
Book / Humor
Book / Humor
Book / Humor
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