Dear Winifred; Dec. 28

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  No Houses
Advice (NOT good!) column

Submitted: December 28, 2013

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Submitted: December 28, 2013



 Warning; advice given is NOT politically correct!

"Dear Winifred, lately my husband and I have been having an unwanted visitor to our car in the middle of the night; and different neighbors have reported seeing a stranger lurking around the neighborhood; and I have noticed smudges on our car door, near the handle, like someone is trying to steal it.  I called the police and they said all they can do is send extra patrols through our neighborhood and for me to put in a car alarm, but that is money we can't afford.  That doesn't leave us with a good safe feeling.  The fact that we've seen them patrolling exactly 0 times, what does extra mean; once?  I'm a basket case, unable to sleep with worry.  What else can we do?  Signed Always Vigilant."


"Dear Always Vigilant, forget the police, what you need is a more permanent solution.  Because car thieves are more than likely hooked on drugs, put a baggie with flour and a prescription bottle saying 'codeine' on the label, in plain sight.  Simply remove the codeine and substitute horse tranquilizers.  They'll think they hit the mother load of thievery.  If they're like most drug addicts-car thieves, they'll be unable to resist the temptation of free prescription drugs, and won't wait until they're safely away in the stolen car; your  car, and will take 4 or 5 of the codeine-horse tranquilizers.  You're liable to find them slumped over the wheel in the morning.  Simply alert the police you have caught someone red-handed trying to steal your car.  Problem solved; Winifred."  

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