More Guilt for Danny

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  No Houses

Danny Pretest feels guilty, again!

More Guilt for Danny

By Mike Stevens

A Guiltiest Man Tale

“Thank you Clem, and you have a fabulous day also!” replied Danny Pretest, in response to Mr. Blackson’s farewell. He was headed home from Blackson’s Hardware, where he’d purchased a hammer for use around his place. He was almost to his car when he suddenly had a dreadful thought; what if he’d called Mr. Blackson Mr. Freak-A** instead? No, he wouldn’t have made a mistake like that, even though he was thinking it, for Mr. Blackson had a deformed a**. He took another couple of steps towards his car, when a wave of guilt washed over him. He might have said something like that and just couldn’t remember, after all, he’d recently looked all over for his keys, while he’d had them in his hand the whole time. He’d better go back inside and make sure. Mr. Blackson looked at him in surprise and said,

“Back so soon; did you need something else?”

“Oh no, it’s nothing like that; I just came back to make sure I didn’t call you Mr. Freak-A** instead of Mr. Blackson, because I was thinking you have a lop-sided a**, and I’d hate to be rude.”

“What?” replied a totally-surprised Mr. Backson.

“Oh, you know the way one side almost scraps the ground, while the other side sits so high off the ground, you feel like hanging you coat up?”

“No, I don’t know!” yelled an offended Blackson.

“No offense, but how could you not notice that your a** has severe deformity problems?”

“I think I’d like you to return the items you bought, and I’ll give you your money back; I don’t want to do business with someone as rude as you!”

Danny walked into Portman’s Hardware, and went and grabbed a hammer. He usually frequented Blackson’s Hardware, but for some reason, Blackson was angry with him. He didn’t really see why, but whatever; if Mr. Blackson didn’t want his money, he’d be more than happy to give it to Mr. Portman.

He approached the register, and saw that Vern Drake was going to be ringing him up. Oh, oh, better not say anything about Vern’s severe hair lip.

“Thank you for choosing Portman’s Hardware; that’ll be $19.99.”

Good lord; he resisted the urge wipe off his face with his sleeve. Say it, don’t spray it! “Here you go,” and he handed Vern a $20.

“Thanks for your business.”

Once again, he was almost to his car when he tried to think back to his conversation with Vern, He didn’t think he’d said anything rude, but he just couldn’t remember. With a sinking feeling, he knew what he had to do.

As he approached the register, he saw that it was now being manned by Mr. Portman himself. “Hello, Mr. Portman; I was just in here and was waited on by Vern, and I wanted to make sure I didn’t accidently compare him to a sprinkler.”

“Excuse me?”

“Oh, you know the boy is wonderful, except for soaking everything within a 3-mile radius when answering.”

“Well, I’ll be! I guess today is “Half-Price for Rude B******s Day at Portman’s! Here’s your money back; give me the hammer and get out!”

Great; now how was he supposed to hang that picture; use a rock?

The End


Submitted: April 26, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Mike Stevens. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Wilbur

Maybe his head? He'll be banging it against the wall anyway, no? Just a suggestion. Danny needs all the help he can get. Keep on keepin' on, Mike! Fun. This is the third loser we're following now? Or did I miss one? or some? Well done!
Many kind regards, Connie

Thu, April 26th, 2012 5:35pm

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Reply

Thanks Connie, and I seem to relate to losers!

Thu, April 26th, 2012 11:54am

Jean Lagace

As little capsule, it is fun to read.

Thu, April 26th, 2012 8:16pm

Author
Reply

Thanks Jean; I get bored writing longer stuff (I only have written one novel, and after about the 10,000 word, I was thinking, "Is it long enough yet?)

Thu, April 26th, 2012 2:29pm

dibbledabble

Darn it. Connie beat me to the 'use his head' comment. Now I have nothing amusing to say. Poor Danny may be his next purchase should be a gag.

Thanks for the make me laugh at the inflicted. And I don't mean Vern or Mr Blackwell. I mean Danny. Now I feel guilty!!

Dibs

Sat, April 28th, 2012 5:45am

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Thanks Dibs, or maybe I'm only imagining I said thanks, and I really answered with something saying this was the funniest story ever written, in the history of comedy; no, I wouldn't do that!

Sat, April 28th, 2012 6:28am

Murnit

What a funny write and I enjoyed it being short enough to hold my blonde concentrations span, I....what was I going to say next?....Oh well what ever, great stuff! I am very 'picky' to fan but you do deserve my attention ;)

Sun, April 29th, 2012 10:16am

Author
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Thank you; I based Danny on myself a little, only much more extreme; and I used to have semi-blond hair, back when I had some; If you're picky about who to fan, I really appreciate your picking me!

Sun, April 29th, 2012 6:32am

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