Republican Debate #472!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  No Houses
It's elementary!

Submitted: March 04, 2016

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Submitted: March 04, 2016

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"Welcome To the 472nd Republican Debate"

"Good evening, from the campus of Fox University, at The Intersection of Fear and Paranoia Avenue's--I'm your host, Walt Canker, and for the next two hours, I'll be asking the candidates questions sent in by viewers who want to hear how each would respond. We hope to get in-depth responses to the questions. Would you give a nice round of applause for candidates Donald Trump, Marco Rubio, John Kasich, and Ted Cruz! Let's get right to it--our first question is from Red Backovering, and let's start with Marco Rubio--Red would like to know--

'With the growing threat from terrorists, what's your plan to keep us safe?' Mr Rubio?"

"First of all, I want to know how Mr. Trump plans to even reach the button to launch the nuclear missiles with such small hands? I mean, look at them--you know what the say about men with small hands--"

"Let me tell you something, there's nothing wrong with the size of my hands--in fact, they're huge, huge! In fact, people love my hands, they love me, so I don't know where Mr. Rubio's information's coming from, believe me, there's no problem in my shorts. In fact, why don't we unzip and compare the size of our schl--"

"Ah, Mr. Trump, first of all, it's not your turn to talk, and second of all, that's probably the most immature statement ever uttered outside of a 3rd grade classroom, and certainly has no place during a debate for presidential nominee."

"Well, Mr. Poopy Pants, I'm not going to sit here and be attacked on a groinal level. Let me tell you something, I've got no problems on that score. I just challenged Rubio to have both of us lay our cards on the table, and let America decide which of us is more qualified to be president."

"I've just got to jump in here and say I won't be going lower myself to gutter level--America's got serious issues that must be addressed, and we're talking about this."

"Kasich, you're probably trying to deflect attention from the fact you can't measure up in the crotchal area."

"Well, Donald, let me be perfectly clear, screw you!"

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response, except to say, 'That's a variation of what you wife was begging me to do to her--let me tell you something, people love me because I say exactly how it is, and I'm just saying this man lacks in the manal area!. These hands can drive a golf ball 285 yards. What can yours do, play a round of putt-putt?"

"Why, you complete bastard! I'll come over there and kick your as--"

"Okay, I can see this debate is veering for the ditch, so we'd better call it a night. This is Walt Canker, saying, good luck deciding, based on shit like this, America!"

"Wait, what about me?"

"Ted, you're more than welcome to join in the measuring--although I must tell you, I've seen pictures of you in the shower, and let me tell all of America, you'd be a puppy running with the big dogs, whereas I, I'd be the Alpha Male, and..."

The End

 


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