"Sheer Terror Hang Gliders"
“Just like a bird, only with wings of cloth
You say a prayer and push yourself off
the tall cliff of rock, and sail through the air,
as you drop a huge load in your underwear
"This is living", you squeak to yourself
"Can’t believe I had the gut’s; feels like somebody else
did this thing; I’m so fricking scared!”
To look down, you hardly even dare
You’re so high above the world, you hope you don’t plummet
It’s like common sense meets crazy in a disaster summit
One inner voice is warning you
‘If I auger in from this height, I’m so screwed!'
Another inner voice is screaming out this phrase
‘Come on pansy, don’t listen to what that other voice says!
Don’t be a chicken-s***, just jump, it’s full speed ahead!
Don’t worry, if this fabric fails, you’ll soon be dead!'
Not to worry, however, we only use the best
fabric, it’s just as strong as all the rest
of those other guys with a proven track record
of safety, that they like to lord
over you, the customer. They play on your worries and fears,
after you found your courage in the bottom of a beer
glass, which explains your new-found brave
face (the fear comes in waves)
which you put on when you agreed to go
on a bet with your smart-a**-drunk friends; who are so
aware of your cowardly ways
You wish suddenly you could just stay
on this bar stool, instead of hauling your a**
up this cliff. We understand that you’re a pansy, who’s usually the last
dude to agree with some dumb-a** stunt
But your manhood’s been questioned, you must retain the front
of being a brave guy, instead of a wien-dog
who’s now worried he’ll drop like a log
from this incredible, fog-shrouded height
with only some fabric of super-light
construction to keep you aloft
And below you the earth looks anything but soft
You’d wave to your friends who all look so far below,
but in a death-grip your hands are welded to the bar, don’t you know?
In desperation your eyes seek a good spot;
to bring this b***h in to land is all you want
Doesn’t the above scenario sound oh-so-cool?
Well, buy our gliding deal and don’t be fooled
by other companies who scare the living s**t
out of you by claiming that it
makes any kind of difference about
only choosing safety; by raising a severe doubt
about our brand; they claim it’s not too
safe. But pay close attention to what we’re telling you;
Just because we’ve had a few accidents, doesn’t mean anything
We keep the cost low, so you can afford to be like a bird on the wing
You’ll be living large when you take to the skies
Take a chance on us; you probably won’t die!”
© Copyright 2016 Mike Stevens. All rights reserved.
Book / Humor
Book / Humor
Book / Humor
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