The American In-Breeders Dictionary-Simpleton Edition

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  No Houses

Challenging Dictionary for slow people

The American In-Breeders Dictionary, Simpleton Edition

(The Meaning of Several Words or Phrases)


'-denotes which syllable (A part of the word) should be emphisized

‘Ye-haw!--‘ye-haw!--an expression of joy--IE--“We got us some more cigarettes and beer, ye-haw!”

Shee!--shee!--an expression of disgust--IE--“What ya mean I can’t borrow the 4x4 tonight? Shee!”

Gun-rack--‘gun-rack--a rack for holding your 6 shotguns, as well as serving as a coat rack for your sleeveless coat (vest)

Calendar--‘cal-an-dar--a handy item for when you drink so much, you forget what day it is

Frozen Burrito--‘fro-zen burr-it-o--a good stand-by to eat for the person who gets so drunk, they shouldn’t be anywhere around something that glows orange and heats things up (stove)

Four-by-four--‘four-by-four--a manly vehicle for men, as well as women who chew, that allows for plenty of drunken mistakes. Also serves as a handy place to pass out, when you just can’t make it home

Vest--vest--a sleeveless coat with pockets which allows the wearer to stuff extra beers in the pockets, and serve as his or her own bag

Racing car--‘rac-ing car--used as a sporting device in you and your date (cousin)’s favorite sport

Convenience store--con-‘ven-i-ence store--big building where a person can purchase staples of every day living (beer, chewing tobacco, corn dogs, hats with tractors on them, frozen burritos, etc; often open 24 hours

Chewing tobacco---chew--ing-tob-bacc-o-- tobacco product where it is essential the user stuffs as much in their face as possible, (maybe more). Also considered an aphrodisiac in many countries

Hound dawwge--‘hound-dawwge--a term of endearment

“Are you my dad?--are-‘you-my-dad?--question asked by people who just aren’t sure; used to identify possible relatives

Yall get--yall-‘get--a term used to drive off unwanted visitors

The north forty--the ‘north-forty--phrase often used by people to describe their back yard

Cousin--‘cous-in--eligible marriage material, or to date if you just want some fun

Weed wacker--‘weed-wack-er--using a sharp object to harvest your crop

Republican--re-pub-li-can--the only politician who’s not full of s**t, automatic vote

Democrat--‘dem-o-crat--reprehensible bottom feeder; automatic no vote

Independent--'in-de-pend-ent--republican who’s all mixed up

Cheese puffs--'Cheese-puffs--makes for a good "I'm bombed, and hungry" snack food

Soap--soap--a bar-shaped cleaning product that should be used at least once a week

Tooth decay--'tooth-de-cay--a way to define who you are

Petrified-'pet-tri-fied--a description of your underwear

Slim Jim--'Slim-Jim--describes your drinking buddy

Half rack--'half-rack--a good fall-back position for when you can't scrounge enough loose change out from under your couch cusions to be able to afford a whole case

Carton--'car-ton--a handy device that your cigarrettes come in; also makes a good holding deal when empty

Four-door--'four-door--a more comfortable car for living in that a 2-door

Poaching--'poach-ing--a way to acquire dinner

Licence--'lic-ence--totally unnessary, frivolous, waste of time designed to make lawers happy

Limit--'lim-it--imaginary barrier to your having fun

Inflatable--in-'flat-able--your new mate

Hack saw--'hack-saw--a saw to be used when you're angry

Smoldering-'smold-er-ing--the smoking remains of your house after you torch it for the insurance money

Time bomb--'time-bomb--your heart when you hoover cheeseburgers every night

Jerky--'jerk-y--description of the way your neighbor drives home after drinking at the tavern till 2am

Cardboard--'card-board--what your frozen pizza tastes like after overcooking because you're hammered

Fanny pack--'fann-y-pack--when you girlfriend Fanny carries stuff

Fishing lure--'fish-ing-lure--sticks of dynamite

Bar stool--'bar-stool--going to the bathroom at the tavern

Funnel--'funn-el--a device used to drink beers faster

Best friend--'best friend--person who bails you out after your arrest

Gawking--'gawk-ing--what you do to the girl with a nice rack; often accompaned by heavy drooling

Clock--clock--device for knowing how long you have left to drink

Couch--couch--a place to sleep after your wife has had it with you

Say-la-vie--say-la-vie--a fancy way of saying, "Get lost, you sack of s**t!"

Caviar--'cav-i-ar--gross-tasting fish embrios

Garden hose--'gar-den-hose--what you cut up to attach to the funnel

Spectacles--'spec-tac-les--what you and your friend make of yourselves while out drinking

Loser--'los-er--good way to describe yourself to the authorities

What up?--'what-up?--what to say to someone when you really aren't interested, but don't want to appear rude

Hey, baby!--'hey-ba-by!--what you scream at the top of your lungs across the room, when you see someone attractive and want their attention

Nice rack--'nice-rack--complimentry words for when your friend buys particularly-beautiful wine rack

Mulch--mulch--what you eat when you pass out in your neighbor's yard

Cell burgers--'cell-bur-gers--what they serve you to eat in jail

Electrolytes--e-'lec-tro-lytes--lighter than heavy electros

Clean and jerk--'clean-and-jerk--showering before masturbating

Why now?--'why-now?--the way a person with a speech impedemint, who, upon seeing a guy sleeping on a park bench, says, "Wino?"

Speedometer--speed-'om-eter--what should fit into the hole in your dashboard

Lightshade-'light-shade--what to wear on your head at parties

Baseball hat--'base-ball-hat--hat with picture of you, and the words, "Single and Available" promenently displayed

Beer belly--'beer-bell-y--opposite sex attractor; also a handy floatation device used while swimming

Tire iron--'tire-ir-on--used to even the odds when you get in an altercation with a big dude at a tavern

Grazing-'graz-ing--what you have to do if you're bombed out of your gourde, fall face down in a farmer's field, and are hungry for a snack

Potty trained--'pott-y-trained--what you should already be when you're 37

Customized--'cust-om-ized--what your regular 4x4 will become when turned into a monster truck and has flames painted on the side

Party favor--par-ty-'fa-vor--asking your friends to please hold something to honor your finally getting a job

Delight-de'light--what you say when you find the lamp

Toasted wheat--'toast-ed-wheat--the result of accidently torching your neighbor's wheat field when you drunkenly decide to play a game of "Towering Inferno" with a can of gasoline and a book of matches

Possum squares--'pos-sum-squares--fancy dessert made from road-kill

Cletus--'Clet-us--popular name for reletives (cousins, uncles, etc.)

Airbag--'air-bag--a pet name for one's stomach after hoovering many beers

Botulism--'bot-u-lism--another name for your aunt's cooking

Dung heap--'dung-heap--a description of your house after you host a Super Bowl party for relatives

Blended --'blend-ed--the result of sweeping up your tobacco after spilling it on the floor, and using it

Fog horn--'fog-horn--horn you attach to your 4X4 and that is activated by depressing a button on your key chain, for when you get too blotto, and can't remember where you parked

Tattoo--'tat-too--a mark of super-intellegence that will NEVER come off, even when the naked young lady's breasts resemble skin pendulums

Flimsy--'flim-sy--describes the cardboard box that serves as your living quarters

No-win situation--'no-win-sit-u-a-tion--every situation for you

Tremendous--'tre-men-dous--much too long of a word for you ever to use

Ook-ook--a mythical beast with fangs, sharp talons, and in insatiable thirst for American beer

Zook--zook--a mythical beast with fangs, sharp talons, an insatiable thirst for American beer, and who upchucks in a bag

Brush--brush--something your hair will never see

Toothbrush--'tooth-brush--a hand-held device used for removing grout from hard-to-reach places on freshly-poured cement. There are no other known uses for this device

Stop sign--'stop-sign--the thing you blow through while driving your big 4X4 truck

Wind--wind--a mysterious force that when it's too hot, makes you sweat, and when it's too cold, is a real nut-shriveller

Blow-by--'blow-by--when your partner wants recognition for an act performed

Bad news--'bad-news--when your Uncle Fester calls to announce he's coming to stay with you for an undertermined length of time

Zodiac--'zo-di-ac--absolutely-true prophecies based on the position of the shredded wheat in your cereal bowl

Another time--'an-oth-er-time--when you buy a second clock

Hairspray--'hair-spray--name of a big-budget musical

Front door--'front-door--the thing you see 3 of when you come home from the tavern

Dewsy--'dew-sy--what you get when you get so drunk, you do a face-plant into a field on a cold December morning

Black--black--to understand what the color black looks like, look at your teeth in the mirror

Chow time--'chow-time--what takes up your time between beer binges

Cold medicine--'cold-med-i-cine--what you take a bunch of and mix with several dark beers; the result is one hell of a good buzz

Force feed--'force-feed--when food is thrown at your face with incredible velocity

Cattle call--'cat-tle-call--what you do when searching for lost livestock

Wing-wing--when produce is thrown off of a highway overpass with great force

NASCAR--NAS-CAR--we're not sure of the definition, but it must be awfully important, because every letter is capitalized

Pork rinds--'pork-rinds--a staple food of your diet, made from the rinds of pigs

Cheeks--cheeks--face protrusions that hold in all the chewing tobacco you've stuffed into your mouth

Powder--'pow-der--when you punch someone, and have no memory of having done it

Castle--'cas-tle--a triple-wide mobile home

Hairball--'hair-ball--what the ball in head tennis is made of

Potato--po-'tat-o--what men stuff down their pants to appear larger; note: should go in the front

Crimson--'crim-son--your face, after the disappointment, when you realize that the comment from the guy next to you, "Nice a**!", was actually meant for the girl beside you

Bratwurst--'brat-wurst--the opposite of bratbest

Karma--'kar-ma--your drag-racing mother

Dial--'di-al--the knob on your AM radio that you turn until you find a country music station

Fierce--fierce--a word used to describe that especially-good bowl of chili at "Sawed-Off Mama's Bar and Grill"; IE, "That was one good bowl of chili; fierce!"

Succotash--'succ-o-tash--what you hope happens on your date with Miss Tash

Firebrand--'fire-brand--denotes what company marketed it

Shell game--'shell-game--a game you play while filling up your vehicle

Nuclear--'nu-cle-ar--a nuc you can see through

Pretty messed up--'pret-ty-mess-ed-up--a very happy mess who's beautiful

Spatula--'spat-u-la--an argumentative ula

Downspout--'down-spout--a spout who's under the care of a psychiatrist because they want to feel more up

Horn dog--'horn-dog--a dog with a big poiny sharp thing protruding from its forehead

Time off--'time-off--a broken clock

Golfing--'golf-ing--a good excuse to get away from the wife so you can snorkle beer

Transom--'trans-om--the make of a very famous car

Ballistic--'ball-istic--a dude with gigantic testicles

Waver--'wav-er--a person who surfs

Plagiarism--'plag-iar-ism--pagiarism with an L added

Ski jump--'ski-jump--thing you sail off, land hard, and rack your nuts

Spell check--'spell-check--what you get for winning a writing contest for a piece having to do with good spelling

Coffee--'cof-fee--the nectar o' the gods

Squash--squash--yellowish runny lump of s**t your mom makes you eat; sure path to heave-dom

Pathway--'path-way--how a path acts

Happy--'hap-py--how you feel when you find a beer in the fridge behind that jar of mustard

Smile--smile--the length of a very long S

Diarrhea--'di-arr-hea--what comes out of your mouth when you say something stupid

Angst--angst--what working on this damn dictionary causes

Piper--'pip-er--what you call a big-a** dude carrying a pipe

Swing set--'swing-set--what you swing on and jump off of when the swing's at its apex, in the dark, because you're too soused to have any common sense left

Cannon fodder--'can-non-fod-der--what the hell's a fodder? Whatever it is, it has something to do with a long, hollow tube, out of which comes a projectile

Germinate--'germ-in-ate--when Nate gets ill

Brew ha-ha--'brew-ha-ha--when you laugh so hard, the beer you're drinking comes out your nose

Lacktose--'lack-tose--when you're missing a tose

Feelings--'feel-ings--what the male of the species have no clue about

Cranium-'cran-i-um--when your ium is way off the ground

Watch--watch--the thing on your wrist you keep glancing at to see if you have enough time to have one more beer before heading home

Sprinkler--'sprink-ler--what wakes you up after passing out in your front yard

Daydream--'day-dream--that you're any different than the other 6.94 billion people

Nightshade--'night-shade--what you wear over your eyes because you have a massive hangover

Cross action--'cross-act-ion--looking to score off of a transvestite

Double yellow--'dou-ble-yell-ow--the magnetic stripes painted on the highway that seems to attract your car tires on your way home from the tavern

Swing and a miss--'swing-and-a-miss--what you shout drunkenly to the bartender when an attractive woman shoots you down

Numb skull--'numb-skull--the result of being hit over the head with the purse of an attractive woman who has no sense of humor

Bartender--'bar-ten-der--the unfortunate person who is subjected to your slurred, unfunny ramblings

Cartwheel--'cart-wheel--what you accidentely do while trying to pass the sobriety test

Erosion--e-'ros-ion--what happens to your judgment after snorkling beer for an entire evening

Fire goo--'fire-goo--what you get any time you try to cook, anything

Prison--'pri-son--big building with bars, where you sleep most nights

Gruel--'gru-el--big bowl of s**t they serve for dinner in prison, right before you pass out on the cold, hard, unforgiving cell floor

Dresser--'dress-er--A cabinet, usually made of wood, that holds your country music tee-shirts, your single pair of jeans that you hook your wallet-on-a-chain to, your weekly supply of 2 pair of underwear (your vest hangs in the closet), and a pack of condoms, just in case you meet a girl at the tavern tonight who hasn't heard of your reputation (well earned) as a sex-crazed freak-a**, and you get lucky

Pinwheel--'pin-wheel--what your hapless body does after you attempt to use the local ski jump

Spinning wheel--'spin-ning-wheel--gymnastics for drunk people

Seatbelt--'seat-belt--a hassle that always seemed to get snagged on the case of beer you always buy, so you took yours out

Grass--grass--what absorbs most of the impact of your falling drunk body, after returning home at 2.15 in the morning

Can't catch a break--can't-catch-a-break--having no luck when you go break fishing

Lucky charm--'luck-y-charm--babeball hat with the name of a chewing tobacco company on it that you always wear fishing

Boulder--'boul-der--an increasing sense of confidence-IE--"The more I've had to drink, the boulder I get!"

Fire extinguisher--fire-ex-'tin-guish-er--the effect of alcohol on your love life

Chain link fence--'chain-link-fence--an impenetrable barrier for keeping creditors off your back; a perfect improvised bottle opener. Simply insert bottle and twist, anywhere along fence. Twisting will sheer (bust) the bottle top off that 64-ounce beer you bought, and just can't wait until you get home to drink when you're thirsty now, and desperate

Produce--'pro-duce--what you scrounge for (hopefully rotten) in the dumpster at your local grocery store to launch at vehicles in the dead of night

Razor wire--'raz-or-wire--thing you scale under cover of darkness, that surrounds the local cemetary, so you can have a good, quiet place to guzzle the 6-pack you swiped from your old man

Fabric--'fab-ric--what gets snagged on your neighbor's wire fence, after trying to sneak into his yard to watch his teenage daughter practice for the cheerleading squad in her upstairs bedroom window, wearing only underwear

Cahoots--ca-'hoots--an entire family of Ca birds

Jumper cables--'jum-per-ca-bles--cables, that when properly secured, make it virtually impossible for members of the high school track team to even leave the ground; often used by opponents

Melting pot--'melt-ing-pot--top-of-the-line marajuana that makes the user think their face is actually melting

Danger--'dan-ger--what you suddenly find yourself in, because you've, for some strange reason, stuck a high-voltage power line down your pants

Pronger--'prong-er--a derogatory slur you yell at the uncaring bastard who cut in front of you at the supermarket check-out register

Sailing--'sail-ing-- your body, after falling overboard from a speeding hydroplane

Gripe--gripe--what you do every time something doesn't go your wa--err--every time

Push comes to shove--'push-comes-to-shove--the result of spending a holiday with relatives

Quaker--'Quak-er--what you turn into when threatened with any kind of physical violence

Tool--tool--what the teenagers in that passing car scream that you are

Slop--slop--what you do with the beef stew you reheated, when you attempt to consume it after having 12 beers

Hammer--'ham-mer--what you take to that bastard's windshield while he's away, because you're a Quaker

Excrement--'ex-cre-ment--what your hopes and dreams turn into

Ball bearing--'ball-bear-ing--men's underwear

Torch--torch--what that comic at the nightclub will do to your face

Pressure--'press-ure--trying to make this dictionary somewhat humorous

Tire gauge--'tire-gauge--when you stare at the tire tread left on the tires of your 4x4 truck, decide they're good enough for a little while, and you're good for a few more cases of beer

Hollow point--'hol-low-point--when you point something out, but your heart just isn't in it

Buck toothed--'buck-tooth-ed--a male deer with a bad overbite

Call girl--'call-girl--a women who spends all her time on the phone

Classy--'clas-sy--has absolutely nothing to do with you

Furtive glance--'fur-tive-glance--when you're out hunting beaver, and you see movement out of the corner of your eye

Bald--bald--what you are when you remove the "It's 9 inches" trout fishing baseball cap

Sunny slope--'sun-ny-slope--your forehead on a clear day

Trash--trash--what you let build up in your single-wide until there's not enough room for the black and white television, and you can no longer watch pro wrestling

Intelligence--in'tell-i-gence--we have to admit, we have no clue

Kryptonite--'krypt-o-nite--a night when you pass out in the local cemetery

Socks--socks--what stay standing, and you tell people they're new-age sculptures you've been working on

Treason--'trea-son--a sapling growing undeneath a full-grown tree

Rebel--'reb-el--what you are when you decide to switch mini markets to buy your cigarettes, chewing tobacco, beef jerky, beer, ect.

Coat hanger--'coat-hang-er--a device used when you get hammered, and accidently lock your keys in your 4X4

Expiration date--ex-pir-a-tion-date--we're not sure, but we think it has something to do with a date printed on food lablel

Tarter--'tar-ter--the 3 inch thick crust on your teeth

Article--'ar-tic-le--those things in the newspaper with many words you skip over till you get to the comics

Air freshener--'air-fresh-en-er--a nice-smelling tree-shaped deal that you hang up to cover the stench of the air in your single wide

Battle ax--'bat-tle-ax--another name for your mother-in-law

Code red--'code-red--the code of the fire department when they respond to your home to douse the flames after you misjudged how long to cook dinner

Elevator--'el-e-vat-or--We don't know the definition, but we do know that yours doesn't go all the way to the top

Sandskrit--'sand-skrit--mixed with water to make skrit cement

Dreadlocks--'dread-locks--a crippling fear of forgetting where you put your keys

Forest--'for-est--the thing that prevents you from seeing the trees

Hail-hail--what your friend Jimmy Joe does to you from one of several taverns

Baked--baked--we did know the definition, but we forgot

Never--'nev-er--the day you're judged to have a clue, about anything

Half-baked--like we already admitted, we forget the definition of baked, but we remember what half means

Clean--clean--the opposite of what your single wide is

Spay and neuter--spay-and-neu-ter--what you should have done to your pets, but it's so much easier to give the babies away or dump them far away from your house

Cake--cake--what dirt does on your skin if you miss either of your 2 showers a month

Tough--tough--just take a look at your limp wrists, and you tell us

Baker's dozen--'bak-ers-doz-en--about 9 higher than you can count

Roll--roll--what you come to the end of, so you use your shirt

Video tape--'vid-e-o-tape--what the prosecution uses against you at your trial for erratically driving your 4X4 on your way home from hunting, surrounded by mountains of empty beer cans

Crime tape--'crime-tape--what the police use to seal the doors of your 4X4

Sacrilege--'sac-ril-ege--how your ledge comes

Prissy--'pris-sy--how you look dancing

Rancid--'ran-cid--describes most of the items in your refrigerator

Goof--goof--what others see when they see you

Frown--frown--what others do when they see you

Vomit--'vom-it--what others do after the see you and frown


Bite me--'bite-me--what you tell the cop who has pulled you over for doing 30 mph in a 65 mph zone, and weaving all over

Close shave--'close-shave--the shave you get when you drunkenly stagger face-first into a oscilatting fan with a broken cover

Rocket--'rock-et--what you do to your front window after spending most of the evening at the tavern, and forgetting to pick up your house key from off the kitchen counter

Broom--broom--the weapon of choice for your angry wife

Bloody--'blood-y--what your face will become after your angry wife uses her weapon of choice on you

Jail--jail--what your house will become after your angry wife catches you and uses her weapon of choice

Sublime--'sub-lime--a piece of fruit underwater

Detour--'de-tour--when you pay $5 to be shown around something

Au-gratin--au-'gratin--an expression of disgust--IE--"Oh, these crab cakes au gratin!"

Hair raising--'hair-raz-ing--when you have a crane hooked to your head

Javalin--'jav-a-lin--when you give your friend Lin a cup of coffee

Nip and tuck--'nip-and-tuck--what you need to do when your bra's too small

College--'col-lege--a big group of buildings that people like you pass by on your way to work the graveyard shift at "The Happy Reefer Shack"

Phone sex--'phone-sex--the thing you enjoy, but would enjoy more if the receiver didn't keep getting caught in your zipper

Laser--'la-ser--what the revolving lights of a police car look like in your rearview mirror after being pulled over on your way home from the tavern late at night

Parasites--'par-a-sites--two sights

Parachute--'par-a-chute--what fails to open, but makes a cool-looking streamer until you hit the ground

End over end--'end-o-ver-end--the action of your hapless body, after losing control of your motocross bike

Bobby--'bob-by--the pet name you give to your Johnson one night after using a funnel to down several malt liquors at once

Johnson--'John-son--what you take out and wave at the policeman when he pulls you over one night after leaving the tavern

Bloated--'bl-oa-ted--your massive stomach, after reefing about a pound of hashish and gorphing about 3 pounds of Aunt Poleax's possum squares

Poleax--'pole-ax--an ax that crosses into the Arctic

Meat packing plant--'meat-pack-ing-plant--a plant sporting a huge wang

Lust--lust--something you'll never feel again, Shrivel King

Pachyderm--'pach-y-derm--when you decide to take a derm on your camping trip

Hair care products--'hair-care-prod-ucts--why do you need this definition, cue-ball?

Sleep deprived--'sleep-de-prived--me, right now

Shatter--'shat-ter--what your blackened, rotten teeth do when you bite down on yet-another piece of hard candy

Living hell--'liv-ing-hell--what your life becomes when Uncle Wally and Aunt Jean come to stay with you, indefinitely

Spore--spore--what pore becomes when an S is added

Crinkle cut--'crink-el-cut--the kind of frozen French fries you stupidly buy after getting hammered and going grocery shopping. You wanted the other kind

Blue balls--'blue-balls--what you get when a can of blue spray paint explodes in your pants

Camp stove--'camp-stove--a stove you take camping, the two drawbacks being they weigh a ton, and require a miles-long extension chord

Eye candy--'eye can-dy--when you're such a pig, you miss your mouth

Scarf--scarf--either a warm piece of cloth that helps keep you warm, or what you do to that plate of Aunt Mary Jane's brownies

Hoodwink--'hood-wink--an amorous thief

Streamer--'stream-er--a person who likes to swim

Bad luck--'bad-luck--the only kind of luck known to you

Scab--scab--what you are constantly picking off of your legs, because you get so hammered, you forget how to walk and keep slamming into the coffee table with your shins

Slime ball--'slime-ball--what you get when you're playing catch and your baseball lands in an open sewer

Soap sucker--'soap-suc-ker--what you become after using coarse language in front of your mother

Blarney--'blar-ney--the way you pronounce your friend Barney's name after hoovering beer all night at the tavern

Buttocks--'butt-ocks--when your a** says it looks fine

Sixty seven mustang--'six-ty-se-ven-mus-tang--the car on the car lot you wish you owed as you pass by in your 4-door beater with 3 missing hubcaps, on your way to your job cleaning toilets

Severance pay--'sev-er-ance-pay--The money you get after being s**-canned for drag racing your forklift in The Crystal Glass Factory

Mouth mush--'mouth-mush--what that 3 pound wad of chewing tobacco becomes after about 3 hours in your face

Pins and needles--'pins-and-need-dles--what you're on after your wife gets mad at you for not reading her mind and threatening to withhold sex from you

Hammer time--'ham-mer-time--as soon as you get off work

Bottom feeder--'bot-tom-fee-der--what you friends call you behind your back

Flaming surprise--'flam-ing-sur-prise--what's for dinner

Daylight--'day-light--what shoots out from that fiery, unbelievably-bright orb in the sky and blinds your bloodshot eyes when you come to after hoovering flat beer at a run-down dump of a tavern last night

Poolside--'pool-side--when you ralph next to your sleeping bag, after downing a s**t-load of beer

Naked--'na-ked--describes your state after you friends lock you outside while playing strip poker and drinking at your friend Sven's house

Califlower--'cal-i-flow-er--what do you call?

Wasteland--'waste-land--whatever country your fat a** is in

Now available at convenience stores who sell alcohol and tobacco products to everyone, including minors

Submitted: August 04, 2011

© Copyright 2021 Mike Stevens. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



i just know you could take this and run with it. great job!

Fri, August 5th, 2011 3:05pm


Thank again Bruce! I've added some more in-breeder definitions.

Fri, August 5th, 2011 5:08pm


As I said, I'm glad this is back, even better and funnier. The last five definitions, - yes, I even counted them - have to be my favourite ones.
I have an idea! It's maybe the best one I've ever had, so you should consider it. Think about coming up with even more definitions, many many many more definitions; add them here..(without deleting this, this time) and BAM!, your own hilarious dictionary. an actual dictionary!
It's not a bad idea... admit it. Plus, a lot of people need to use a dictionary quite often, so that'd even help them!
Anyway. Great job! Definitely made me laugh.

Fri, August 5th, 2011 5:20pm


Toni-thank you for liking the added definitions; Also, I like your idea of many additional definitions, and I'm going to add more, but it'll take me awhile, so don't expect it any time soon!

Fri, August 5th, 2011 11:53am


Only you could have thought this up Mike and I must say such a great idea and so funny ...... Pat

Sat, August 6th, 2011 5:29am


Thanks Pat; it just goes to show you how important mental heath is, as I don't seem to have much!

Sat, August 6th, 2011 9:01am


If I could like your masterpiece multiple times, it'd have at least a hundred likes by now. I'm even commenting twice on this, but it still doesn't show how much I actually like it.
The dictionary of all dictionaries. I'm in love.

Sat, August 6th, 2011 6:19pm


Toni, I'm glad you enjoy it, and I've got you to thank for it's existence, because it was your idea; I probably would have just let the idea drop. So thank you!

Sat, August 6th, 2011 5:14pm


Dear Sirs at American In-Breeders Dictionary,

I'm not from this country, but from the research that I have done everything points to your great reference book as the best source for "in-breeder" definitions. Would you be so kind as to explain a few things for me?

1. What exactly is meant by NASCAR?

2. Can you please explain the difference between "Country Music", "Western Music", and "Country & Western Music"?

3. Just exactly how is beer involved with deer and duck hunting?

Thank you in advance for your help in these areas.

Sun, August 7th, 2011 9:52am


Bruce, this is a continuation of our (The American In-Breeders Dictionary)definition for things. We'll answer your last inquiry first, because it's the easiest one; isn't beer involved in all activities? County Music is s**t-kicking music that covers the entire county; it usually has a message-IE-"The cow would have jumped over the Moon, but we blew that fat bastard away with our 12-gauge, before Expando could even get his fat ass off the ground!" We're not exactly sure what those lyrics mean, but you've got to admit, they're catchy! Western Music is much the same as Country Music, but can only be heard in the Western time zone. Country and Western Music is s**t-kicking music that is supposed to stay in the Western time zone, but has a rebellious streak, and fights what it's told to do, and is heard all across the country. We hope these definition help you with being a moron! The American In-Breeders Dictionary staff.

Sun, August 7th, 2011 9:30am


Ingenious! Gave me a good laugh! :)
The way you explain each and every term is just hilarious!

"Delight-de'light--what you say when you find the lamp". Never thought of it that way before... but of course. Witty explanations all the way.

Good job. *clicking button*

Sun, August 7th, 2011 2:30pm


Springsun, I know I already thanked you, but because I'm an in-breeder myself, I 'm not sure how this newfangled computer deal is supposed to work, so thank you again!

Sun, August 7th, 2011 9:59am

Ralphie A Burcke

You left, I say, you left out Cousin Cletus! Duhh!!!

Sun, August 7th, 2011 2:32pm


Ralphie- thank you for reminding our staff about Cousin Cletus. Ordinarily, We avoid any personal name descriptions, but because 93 percent of our readers actually have a Cousin Cletus, we felt this an important addition. Cousin Cletus; 'Cous-in Clete-us-- your cousin, usually on your father's side, who comes over to eat 3 times a week, and teaches you important things, such as how to politely ask for seconds of your mother's Possum Squares. We are always on the look-out for obscure definitions that we can add to our dictionary, so be sure to check back periodically to make sure you get the full educational value.

Ralphie, thanks for wanting to become my fan, but I'll only approve if you'll return the favor!

Sun, August 7th, 2011 9:49am

Ona Whim

Haha! Now that right there's some funny stuff, Mike. Honestly made me wanna go fishin'. Ya ever actually fished with dynamite? I can tell ya it works great... but ruins the fish... less'n ya like mushy fish. Can't tell ya how I know that, but know I know. lol.

Well done, my friend! I likes it!


Tue, August 9th, 2011 4:42am


The editors of The American In-Breeders Dictionary are not responsible for the stupid s**t our readers try with our definitions. We just give the definitions. We don't analyze the result. We mean, if you friends told you to jump off a bridge, would you? It's not our fault when one of our tooth-nubber readers actually tries to fish with dynamite, and winds up wearing fish entrails for a hat! We mean, come on, have a fricking clue! Well, to be fair, the average IQ level of our readers is 7, so we shouldn't be surprised! Thanks for liking this, Whim!

Tue, August 9th, 2011 9:22am

Zin Dar

"Cardboard--'card-board--what your frozen pizza tastes like after overcooking because you're hammered"
Oooh the simple and yet so BRILLIANT ideas, certainly makes it sophisticated if you think of the definition.

Good work on this, I see that you keep updating this. I was about to take a lot of notes from your writing, but it became too much, as I laughed my way through almost all of these. I would guess this is about to become your life-work, as "last thing before you die".

Also: Some ideas to this list:
(I suppose these two should be added to the bottom?)
A sort of text-self-irony thing... Only suggestions of course.

Tue, August 9th, 2011 8:11pm


Zin Dar, thank you for checking back on this; you're right, I keep on adding to this. I don't think I like the idea that this will be the last thing I do before I die, though! I like to think I've got some more literary funny stuff to spew before I die!

Tue, August 9th, 2011 2:12pm


so why does the word "toothbrush" have the word tooth in it? good one mike.

Sun, August 14th, 2011 1:16pm


Thank, Bruce, I thought of in-breeders, and I immediately thought of you (says I jokingly). I've been adding to it off and on as I get a good idea (or at least what to me is a good idea!) I just hope I don't run out of ideas soon.

Sun, August 14th, 2011 9:15am

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