'War of the Worlds', Now-Style!--story

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  No Houses
A modern-day take!

Submitted: November 17, 2015

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Submitted: November 17, 2015



"Nipsy, the network has given the go ahead for the radio play, "I'm a Good Dog.'

Nipsy Chunker, know as Biff to his friends, replied, "Thanks Wally." Then he said to the waiting actors, "They've approved it, so ditch your rehearsal scripts, and take out the script I wrote."

Wally Shore, an actor, who was also the assistant director, and who was in fact scheduled to play 'Lord Maximus'  in 'I'm a Good Dog', questioned the wisdom of such a move, "Nipper, are you sure you want to do that, the network will be mighty upset."

"The network will be mighty upset," mimicked Nipsy-Biff, " You know what you sound like, Wally, you sound like a nutless wonder--grow a pair!" He and Wally Shore clashed over everything. If he announce that white was white, Shore would argue that it's chartreuse, just to piss him off. And, more often than not, it worked. "You're just upset because the part of 'Lord Maximus' was a substantial one.

"I am not!" Shore answered, unconvincingly, "I just worry we'll get in trouble from the network--after all, this is a special LIVE broadcast."

"I understand your concern, not! They'd have never approved my play."

And for good reason!  Shore thought, but agreed to perform the new play.


It was the day before Halloween, and the studio was abuzz with nervous energy. In under a minute, they would go on the air to millions of listeners. This live performance had been heavily promoted by the radio network, and because it was to be broadcast live, it was a novelty in the modern day, and so the anticipation was heavy. Shore was talking to Nipsy-Biff, begging him not to go ahead with switching the play.

Chunker shot back, "Bullshit, Shore, and I wish I'd have written a part of a non-speaking fire hydrant a dog pisses on, but I doubt that would have translated to radio very well!"

"I'm just concerned--"

Just then, the engineer's voice sounded, "Okay everyone, we'll be live in, five, four, three, two, one, go!"

Nipsy Chunker: "This is Bob Duster reporting, from a remote farmhouse in Plumber's Field, New Jersey." "We're here because of reports of a strange glowing sphere crash landing in Dustin Fowler's field of illegal marijuana. I can confirm there's a strange glowing orb of some kind glowing ominously. I'm here with Harold Dilly, a local resident. Mr. Dilly, tell our listeners exactly what you saw."

Wally Shore: "Well sir, it was a strange glowing sphere, and it landed right over yonder."

Nipsy Chunker: "Thank you, Mr. Dilly, for sharin--hold on! Some kind of door is opening, and a rope ladder has been lowered. I can see some sort of creature beginning to climb down. It has what looks like the head of a water buffalo, on the body of a man--oh no, it's aiming a laser-gun at me, and---eeeee!"

Dale Sampson: "Ladies and gentleman, this is your new reporter, Hank Fullimore, reporting that we have temporarily lost the feed from Plumber's Field--oh my god, the aliens are here, somehow, pounding on the door, demanding entrance. I beseech you, save yourselves--no on is saf--- eeeee!"

Wendy Tinker: "This is yet-another announcer, Mary Lively, reporting that we've temporarily lost Hank Fulimore. Well we know where he is, or was, but we've lost the feed, for some strange--oh no, what's that---eeeee!"

Just then, the manager of the radio network burst through the door. "You have to stop this broadcast. People are flooding the station with calls."

Nipsy Chunker spoke up, "Because they're demanding to know how to evacuate the city because they're so frightened?"

"No, because this play is pathetically awful, and they don't want to hear anymore!"



As the disappointed Punctured Tire Players were making their way out to their vehicles, Wally Shore shot daggers at Nipsy Chunker, "I tried to tell you, Chunker, not to switch the plays, but you wouldn't listen, and now we're the laughing stock of the nation!"

An incensed Nipsy Chunker went for Shore's throat, "Why, you idiot moron bastard!  I'll---"

Suddenly, a strange glowing sphere descended, and an army of three-foot tall mutants charged from a door which materialized on the side of the sphere, and began firing laser beam bullets among the unfortunate actors. No one had time to even yell, before they were cut down, so nobody was left alive to see the aliens look over their bodies, and high-claw each other.


The End




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