What Face? Cont.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  No Houses
The battle of which of Mike's faces should be placed on his neck continues; warning; junior high-level humor ahead; read at your own risk!

Submitted: May 27, 2014

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Submitted: May 27, 2014

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And the battle between up and down, bad mood and good, rages on.  Happy Mike and Downer Mike had decided on a boxing match, but after 27 rounds, neither fighter was shaken, so, they have decided on cutting the cards.  They'll both pick a card, and whomever has the higher card will be the winner, and will earn the right to take his place on the orb above of Mike's neck, permanently.  This will make it much less confusing for anyone who happens to read his writings:

******

"Hello, this is your radio announcer J.W. Flapper bringing you all the cut-by-cut drama of the card-cutting action!  Okay, admittedly, this is totally pathetic, covering a card-cutting, but hey, WSUCK is struggling mightily,  as demonstrated by tonight's sponsor, Dave Pollard's Bush and Brush Yard Waste Removal; located at 10175 Balzac Way N., behind Bruno's Underwear Emporium.  Okay, the contestants approach the table where the deck of cards is located; and, wait a minute; there seems to be a heated argument over who cuts first!"

"I'm going first, Happy-Ass!"

"Oh, who abdicated the throne and made you king?  Knowing you like I do, you'll cheat.  You've probably got an ace up your sleeve, Downer Mike!"

"Bullshit!  Fine, if you're just going to cry like a puss, and I'd expect nothing less from you, Girlie-Man, you can go first."

"Come on, come on, cut the fricking cards already Happy-Ass!"

"Will you give me a fricking chance?  Always, it's hurry up with you; it's no wonder you don't have many friends!"

"Hey, I've got plenty of friends!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that one guy who drools and sees the future in his pancakes!"

"Blow me!"

"Yeah, that would be an amazing trick, considering we're the same person.  Just a minute while I become a human pretzel and blow myself!"

"Just shut up and pick a card already, smart-ass!"

"Okay, the action is finally about to get under way.  Happy Mike approaches the cards, and selects to cut near the top of the pack.  He holds up the Ace of Spades."

"Yeah, eat it, bitch!"

"Son of a bitch, you lucky bastard!"

"And Downer Mike cuts the cards near the bottom of the deck, of course, although he's wondering why, looks at his card, and throws it on the table in triumph."

"The ace of hearts, bitch!"

"That's all fine and dandy, but everyone knows the ace of spades is the  highest card in the deck."

"What?  An ace is an ace; I've never heard such bullshit!"

"Well, according to Hoyle, the ace of spades is..."

"Oh yeah, according to my ass, you're a lying dick!"

"Downer Mike has attacked Happy Mike, once again resorting to violence, and the two Mike's apparently have settled nothing.  This ends our latest broadcast of the seemingly-endless battle over which face will be displayed by Mike; so, this is your announcer, J.W. Flapper saying so long from Tammany Hall, and urging you to please stay tuned for The Incredible Bucking Chair, and Happy Mike's claim of spadal superiority sounds like so much bullshit, but, because WSUCK has less than nothing else to fill air time, I'll probably stretch it into a one hour special!"

 

 

 

 

 


© Copyright 2020 Mike Stevens. All rights reserved.

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