"Whatever it Takes"

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  No Houses
An advertisement for a new T.V. movie, in poem form.

Submitted: June 06, 2011

A A A | A A A

Submitted: June 06, 2011



“Whatever It Takes”

Made-For-T.V. Movie

“Follows a bunch of bastards as they do

‘Whatever It Takes’ to win, and screw

over people who abide by the rules

By cheating, they’re really booting honest people, in the family jewels

These bastards know every dirty trick in the book

These doorknobs will never be mistook

for some fine, upstanding dudes

Instead, they’re mean and rude

Yes, finishing first is all they give a s**t about

If they come in second, these poor-sports pout

and complain that it, “Just wasn’t fair!”

The other competitors, they don’t care

if they happen to come up a little bit short

of first place, they were only in it for fun, not to abort

all the good memories, all the good will

No matter that they lost, they still

have a good time.But the fun of competing is lost

on these dudes.If they lose, all the others get is a frost-

y, ice-cold, hateful, vengeful “death stare.”

and crying and name-calling, is none-too-rare

See, all of them are being pushed to win by

their immature fathers, who are living vi-

cariously though their poor children

If they win, great.But if they should lose, then

they are told that, “Second’s for losers!”

Then they are told they have to win by their boozer

father, who thinks they’ve been coddled and protected their whole sissified


by their mother.If they win, it’s, “high-fives!”

But if they don’t, oh boy, look out,

for their bastard dad’s have forgotten what sports are supposed to be about

They are looked at like something that’s stuck to the bottom of dad’s shoe

“No kid of mine ever lo-

ses!I’ve been disgraced.”

They look at their kid with a totally disgusted look upon their face

The real reason they think that way

is that they were picked on when they’d play

sports.See, they sucked the big one,

and looked like a pansy when they’d run

“But, Junior, he’ll never be picked on, ‘cause he’ll win and be tough

Just enjoying the game is not fricking enough

He’s got to kick some a**!Winning is all that


“If there’s some kind of record, he will shatter

it! No one will be able to laugh at my kid,

‘cause winning defines who you are.If, somehow, he did

manage to lose, then he sucks as a person, and I’ll fly into a rage

No kid of mine will take the gas pipe on the athletic stage!”

Yes, their father is a complete embarrassment to “Little Junior”

All their dad cares about is coming out on top in the final score

So, tune in our movie and see the awful, albeit

real truth.See what your dad’s been feeding you, is pure bull-s**t!

© Copyright 2017 Mike Stevens. All rights reserved.

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