shadow's youth

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
Shadow is a teenager forced to leave his home, his future is in his mother's past.

Submitted: July 22, 2009

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 22, 2009



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208 292The 30 of Mai 1984
Dear Son,

If u read this is it will mean that I have found your father and I am planning on linking the two of you. However I have never told you anything remotely related to him just that.... he gave you to me.

I’ve been a terrible mother concealing him from you. It was never your father’s fault, I’m certain he would have loved you had he been given the chance. Our relationship was too brief the only thing of importance that came out of it was you.

It was 1969 back then the world still had a touch of innocence. Crowded festivals didn’t necessarily attract extreme violence. And our lives were not as busy we had time to kill now we can barely find time to die. Please don’t picture me as a hippy I never agreed to their hypocritical philosophy.” Make love not war” is impossible you see humans are nothing more or less than an ongoing war. Even if all forms of violence would be eradicated then we would still have the war we have with our own selves. We will always be in war with others to see who is better. Our species is often nothing more than a flock of carnivorous sheep

Back then an invasion of emotions overcame me. I didn’t even imagine what would give me the necessary drive to become the person I wanted to be. In those days I was living in the USA, I had just finished college, I was around 24 and my mind was in an utter state of disorder

I can’t say what was with me then. I was so shy and afraid of people. All I could think about was how to isolate myself even further. I was, as you can imagine, living alone all I had was a dog to keep me company. My attention was focused entirely on writing my next work. I already had written one novel by that time that sold out reasonable well for several years. People didn’t seem to get enough of it. Since I didn’t use my real name I could safely survive in my own little cave while others took care of my work. So basically the only person I had any interactions with was my editor Will Jackpson, a very polite and gentle person who was unfortunately united for life with somebody else, a man named Bob Hoselfeled. I think the two moved to Holland to make their union official. So, you may imagine, he is not your father. Will would only ever sleep with women if he gained something considerable out of it. He was indeed strongly gay. But he is, thus far, the finest men I have ever met, you should have seen how gracefully he ate, he knew exactly which fork went with what dish, what knife to use in what type of food, how to arrange a table so it would look as close to perfection as it could, in short his manners were like a touch of heaven. Maybe someday I’ll try to find him too as he is the source of almost all your home education without him I or you would never ever have been what we are.

I’m sorry to say that I don’t know that much about your father yet even if these last days he has illustrated an odd way of being nice to me. By being too polite, too cold, too much in love with his current life that I’m having difficulty convincing him that you are his but in the end I will succeed.

Perhaps you may be wondering what changed me so drastically from a shy lonely pigeon to what I am today. Jimmy Hendrix helped me considerably I can’t say why exactly I just vibrated with his music. When I saw him on the telly eating the guitar raw but producing the most intricate sounds imaginable I was ecstatic, nobody since him and after him was able to surpass his talent. The most surprising gesture he had was burning his guitar right after he finished playing.

His songs were my anthems they managed to take me to new heights it is true that various... herbs had their part too… but you should never do what your old and sick mother did in her youth, you do not live in the same epoch as I did.The values theoretically haven t changed but they are ever more useless as progress pushes our very existence to the limit.We seem to lose our humanity and become more and more like little machines trapped in a vicious cold circle of work, family, work, work, work, and more work if we wish to do anything with our lives or the lives of our children. These times could be pleasurable but their nothing more than a peaceful gladiator match. And in the end the result is the same those who win have ever better lives. When I was your age pollution was a relatively new concept, nobody could imagine that so many new diseases would emerge, the most terrible being of course aids.The number of people currently struggling with this eater of walls is immense and as time will pass it will surly extent as it transmits true the greatest vice of them all.

I should tell you how Jimmy Hendrix contributed to your creation. Well it is no coincidence you were born 9 moths after the Woodstock concert. Woodstock was different for everybody. For some it was just a pleasurable experience however for me it was the event that made me come out.

Of course I was not so courageous back then and maybe I would‘ve never left my house if not for that disinfection. My house had an army of rats living in it they were everywhere especially in the seller so I was forced to leave my home for at least 3 days.

So it was somewhere in 1969. The weather was terrible it was purring the wind was so strong it bashed my umbrella. I got into a stinky rusty old buss I think my mother went in it when she was a child in kindergarten. I was starting to have strong doubts about it all.

But everything changed when I saw your father. He was something, he had long brown strait hair it look delicious I wanted to eat it the minute I saw it. His face was roundish it reminded me if the eggs I ate last Easter. His teeth were deplorable thought, they had the colour of fresh dumb they were just too yellow and arranged in such a topsy-turvy way it was like some decided to grow bigger other remained as small as they could.However his body was remarkable his abs were sculpted perfectly, his arms hung down like they were stolen from a gorilla. His legs were like a pair of overgrown plastic bottles. Your father hasn’t changed much except for a few lines on his forehead he’s essentially the same almost unnaturally the same, so little change in 15 years. Some seem to be immune to time while other are so deeply consumed by the hourglass that almost nothing of what was once remains.

I was immediately consumed by his appearance. He sat right next to me as there was no other free seat left. Well I tried to get my attention away from him at first I look out the window to see something equally as fascinating as your father but nothing could mach him not even that depressed Jesus I saw hanging from a rusty old cross. His face was truly abandoning him from all those times the sky had shed tears on it, that Jesus forced me to look at your father and happily for me he look at me too.

Well the rest is clear we continued our journey talking passionately to one another. In the end we arrived at Woodstock. It was like everybody from everywhere was there it was unimaginable (back then) you could see people in tents smoking pot, other were outside drinking beer some were just sitting on the grass chatting.

We were all part of the “rainbow” dressed colourfully wearing jeans,girls and boys having long hair. Now the rainbow has been eaten by the cloud and the sheep are growing steadily but maybe one day they will die or at least accept other species in their herd.I’m sorry if I tend to get to philosophical son but I am going true some terrible times right now. I have to face my past head on in order to offer you a future and this is not as easy as you may imagine.

You see after sharing that day with your father he erased me from his mind. It was like he look at a distant relic from his past he taught I was nothing but a ghost coming to visit him. Back then he held my hand strongly he looked closely in my eyes....he kissed me.We were happy then we watched the concert in a strong embrace. After it was over we went for a long walk eventually ending up under a tree.

We made love and in the morning I woke up alone under that oak, having no phone number or address I couldn’t contact him. After 9 month you came into the world. Perhaps I should have searched for your father long ago but I believed I could take care of you all on my own.

This would’ve been a reality if my body had allowed it. I am sick with cancer my only change of survival is in Bitteb. I have heard of a monastery there that has monks capable of curing this disease. I am not going to tell you the nature of my cancer as I don’t want you to suffer further or even try to stop me or worse join me. I have decided to convince your biological father to adopt you.He is married now without children.

I hope the two of you will get along with him and maybe someday we will see each other. Till then I wish you the best in life. Please try to forgive me for not telling you earlier about your father. It was so difficult to find him. I’ll give you his exact address later on.

Your loving mother,
The 11 of June 1990
Dear diary,

It seems that hope never dies as I am still waiting to hear from my mother even thought I haven’t in the last 6 years. I wish she was here to help me with the packing. She was so talented at folding clothes and at arranging them in such a way that you could fit all you wanted to.

I’m not going to lie, Ella has a certain talent at packing too but nobody could pack like mom. Perhaps she would be proud to see me going to Cambridge were she also finished her studies.

My life has been thus far, good even thought I have lost one year of my life. Sometimes I believe I am better off without my mom as painful as it may sound. I had such a bizarre childhood. Mom was constantly on tour with her books and I was left to grow up with the help. It is true that for the last 3 years she stayed at home with me but then she was in such a mental state that I ended up taking care of her.I placed orders for food, I did the laundry and ironed. My mother was chronically depressed. Her writers block brought her mind to an end so her body probably couldn’t keep up with her state.

I was unaware of her declining health I found out about it in her letter of course I was mortified. I didn’t even know what to do I was all alone at home reading it. I can only assume that mom’s cancer wasn’t in an advanced state.

I got to Paris to find a father that wasn’t willing to accept me. I was oddly enough better received by my step mother. However she arrived too late to prevent my lost year. After that year things went relatively normal I went to school. I had some good friends there they showed me how to smoke and drink. I got in considerable trouble because of them I was the only one that didn’t end up in prison when they rubbed that house. My luck came from my family who kept me in that night.

That dark period of my life only helped me to become a better person since I knew exactly what not to do. The truth is after that incident with the robbing I never drunk or smoked I am now a vegetarian.

I hope my future will be bright
In the year 1985

Antony goes in desperation at a psychologist’s cabinet:

A(looking with his desperation at the psychologist he says in a worried voice):-Sir what can I do with my son he has ran away and the police found him unconscious with blood coming out of his veins and a syringe near him. His…. (takes a pause to breathe deeply) state was due to an overdose of heroin. He currently lives at Saint John’s Rehab facility not so far from here. He’s there desperate to get better…(says the next wondering )I hope.

D(with a calm and even tone):-Your son has indeed been through considerable life damaging situations but this does not however mean that he will have any sort of permanent psychological damage. His emotions have gone wild. Perhaps this is hard for you to understand but his entire life was on the road, on a very long road. Let’s not forget that he has lived a certain life in Canada and now here in Paris everything has changed at least he had the unique occasion to study in his own language. Now let’s search for the root of his problem and I am terrible afraid to say it is you without beyond any dough.

Suddenly A looks at the D filled with dough and says:- My fault?….I have done everything in my power to secure his future?… I have adopted him my name is his now...Why is it my fault that he could not stand to live with me ?

D(calm then always in contrast with A’s sanguine temperament): -Perhaps you wish to say without you. You see I have been counselling him as well so that I could get a clear understanding of your situation. Your son has told me that he was left alone at home often without anybody.So it would be possible that this in his mind the idea of abandonment appeared by his mother first and then by you. Felling all alone having a certain predisposition to depression let’s say he went one day on the street when you or anybody wasn’t home, he was in deep pain, all alone suddenly a dope paddler sees him and he offers him a cure for his pain, or he could have met with another junkie who freely offered him the cure.

A :- Sadly that which you say could be very well the truth I have indeed….been hidden in my work, in going out with friends. I was forgetful I thought having a child meant only feeding him and sending him to school. I was so confused nothing made sense anymore. I was alone with my wife and suddenly this mad woman comes in and says that she is the mother of my child. I had almost entirely forgotten her she was for me this one day thing I had to leave behind as I need to get back to London the next day I couldn’t possible imagine what was going to happen. You know she gave me two options either I took him in or she gave him to an orphanage as she was going to die in the next months of course I did not believe how could something like that be truthful but I accepted none the less. I wanted a child without actually knowing what having a child meant and my wife insisted we took him in. Unfortunately my wife had to go away on business for 3 month and I imagined my son would be all right alone but I was terribly mistaken. But what was I suppose to do leave my job I taught he was too old for a nanny. Oh well what am I to do from now on?

D:- It’s rather simple be a good father be there for him and your wife must act like he came out of her. You must never forget that all he has in the world right now are the two of you. You alone can help him. Please do so if want him to be somebody.

Faimous Writer returns from the unkown

Emma Delark comes back.

After10 years in Tibet she says, faimous writer Emma Delark returns. Nobody can put their figure on it. There are several speculations on the reason of her departure and on what she did while she was there.

Some imagine that she went there to escape the pressure of her editors others believed she found the love of her life and they both went somewhere to be free from the press or the most fascinating theory of them all is that she decided to commit herself to a Monastery.

What is true and what is false we will find out from her interview:

I:- Where have you been this last years you look like you have been rejuvenated

E:- Well it has to be the fresh air from Bitteb it makes you feel alive but when you see their situation it breaks even the strongest of metals.

I: - Mean the Tndese situation.

E: - Yes that s what I mean their trying to exterminate the Bittebs but in the end they will not succeed something will happen as the Tibetans do not repay the Tndese with violence and if u do not give violence to violence it will stop

I: -But the question remains why did you go there?

E: -I wanted to do some research for my books. it was extremely helpful I have written 7 books that will be published in a period of 2 years. I’m going to be extremely busy

I: - Well what are about? I have heard that you have done something completely new with them

E:- Well it’s a typical story nothing new there. These books are a saga actually they contain the life of young man from his beginnings as fatherless child to his continuation as a motherless child and to his current life as doctorate. It’s about his struggles as he tries to coastally adapt to change. But in the end almost everything bad that happens to him turns to good. His life is like rollercoaster.

In their London residence Emma with her son eat their meal when a bell rings and they find child with him mom. The child belongs to her son

drug abuse_ family love

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