Breaking My Heart

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is for KatzieWhatziz's contest

Submitted: May 26, 2013

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Submitted: May 26, 2013

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Friendship. If anything, it's a real pain in the ass, and a real blessing from heaven at the same time. When you become friends with someone, and especially when you are close to that person, it forces you into an unheard and unspoken position of power and responsibility. And it also builds a wall of of mutually understood boundaries.

If any of you got confused, that means that friendship is a benefit and a problem, and it forever casts you into the friendzone, if you get in too deep, as the case always seems. And I felt that very pain when I, Sander Hollis, was hanging out with my best friend since I was six, Melissa Evans.

"Hey, Sandy!" Mel called out. I shot a look at her, because time and time again, I reminded her that it was a girl's name, and a guy like me felt embarassed to be called that, but what did she do in reply? She kept shouting the damned nickname, even when I walked up right in front of her, and that caught the attention of several people.

"Dammit, see what you did? Now people are gonna expect me to either be a girl or a wimp!" I exclaimed.

"Hah! Please, you're too self-conscious." she laughed and signaled me to walk with her to her favorite place. Oh, God, I knew where we were headed. Every time she did that, we would end up in a place like Lee, or Adidas, or any other crazy place to buy clothes and whatnot. This made me feel more and more like a girl. But, what could I do? Everytime I tried to say no, she always convinced me with either a kiss to the cheek or a punch to the d***. And even though the punch would hurt like hell, it hurts worse when she gives me that kind, playful kiss.

You see, Mel, as I call her, and I met almost ten years ago, back in the first grade. You see, I was a very shy kid, and I usually just kept to myself, talking to myself, playing by myself, and pretty much doing everything by myself. Well, except studying, I never did that. I was just a short brunnette weirdo that nobody had the craziness to try and hang out with me.

That was, until one day, she came into the classroom. She was a nice, red haired, had a pretty face, and as soon as she came into the room, that all-too-familiar gushy feeling came to me. It's just like in those romance books, uh, NOT that I read them, I just, uh, happen to listen to what Mel reads. And, maybe, just MAYBE, have read some words. Anyway, I felt so ecstatic and happy just to see her pretty and somewhat haughty half-smile, her pearl white teeth, and all that corny nonsense.

I had a great impulse to talk to her, and yet, somehow, I made myself look like the Three-in-One Stooges. There were many embarassing incidents of stuttering, running away, and the one time I wet my-, uh actually, forget that last one.

But, thanks to God's kind pity on the poor soul that I owned, she just came up to me one day, and just said "Hey, wanna be friends?. I was shocked, and accepted it. Soon, we hung out, day in and day out. Of course, we aren't the most agreeable bunch of friends. At first, until we were ten, she basically acted as the queen or the boss, and I was the pitiful and pathetic servant boy, doing her evil deeds and such. But we grew out of it.

"Hey, Sandy, hurry up! Don't keep me waiting!" She shouted. Oops, I spaced out and slowed my pace again. But, I swear, we grew out of it. Hopefully.

Now, where was I? Oh yeah. Well, one day, when we were thirteen, I did the dumbest thing i had ever done in my life. We hung out in her house, and I had written to her a note that told her my feelings, but I had to go home before she read it, and I decided, after my older sister told me about the "Friendzone", to not give it to her. Unfortunately, for me, I left it in her house, and later that night she called me about it. And yes, I was heartbroken hearing those five words of doom: "We should just stay friends."

And now, not only is she manipulating my crush, which i can't seem to get out of, but now she started teasing me by dating guys, and telling me the details. God forbid the words "muscle" and "chest". But, what am I to do, right? I already sealed my fate, and she doesn't even like me, and I don't want to stop being her friend.

Soon, we arrived at the store, and we continued that routine of me searching for her crazy requests. But something different changed. I know she's my friend and all, but did she have to keep holding my hand, and I thought she seemed happier than usual. Could she be...? No, no way, no freaking way. She couldn't be in love, could she? Oh, crap, she's doing it again! If she keeps crushing my soul this way, I might as well jump out onto a speeding cab.

I felt crestfallen, and tried to keep my spirits up. Oh no! She just took out a picture of her, and some other kid! I couldn't get a clear view of the guy, but I definitely saw her in that picture. No! No, no, no! She's already dating him! Oh, dear Lord, why?! What did I ever do to deserve this?!

I kept looking away, but I couldn't get her of my arm, because she started gripping it tighter and looking dreamily at the picture. If you heard a powerful crash, that's probably my head smashed against the window, trying to get out of that heart pounding hell.

Finally, we reached my house, where my parents were out working, and my sister was probably asleep in her room. I tried to make an excuse to get away, but Mel slithered in and went inside. She was smiling and dreaming away while sitting on the couch, while I drank my sorrows away. Usually, I'd try beer, but sadly, the only thing left was some chocolate milk. Close enough.

“Hey, Sandy, you’ll never guess what happened to me today!” Mel exclaimed, so excited, she dragged me next to her just so that I could hear her story.

According to her, she and David, the guy in the picture, met in a party hosted by Missy, one of her best friends. He asked her out two months ago, and they had been dating since. She was so enthusiastic about this relationship, so happy, much happier than her past relationships; it just delivered the final blow to my already broken heart.

I looked away, crushed and shamefaced. Mel noticed and started asking what was wrong. She kept asking the same thing for the next five minutes, but I wasn’t talking. And I didn’t need to, because she gave up asking, and continued on about her dates.

After what felt like hours, she finally had to go home. Before that though she gave me another routine hell, a Q&A all about what she said. After I answered enough to prevent another fist to my shoulder, she smiled. I wasn’t, though, and I kept wondering if I should tell her about my feelings. I mean, that would work, right? I’d tell her, she’d break up with him, we’d date and happy ever after, as always. Right?

“You know, Sandy, I’m glad you’re my friend.” I heard Mel say. I turned to her, a bit confused. She gave a wide grin.

“All this time, I thought that whole crush incident was going to break our bond. For a while, even at this age, I felt like you’d still have feelings, and that if I hung out with you, I’d be hurting you, which would hurt me too. But you proved to me something. You proved that you’re the best friend I have ever had, and will ever have in my whole life. I don’t feel the same way you felt for me before, but I would never want to lose you.” After finishing her speech, she came up and kissed my cheek again. The smile on her face, the pure elegance of her joy, it beamed at me.

That’s when I realized what would really happen if I told her: I’d break her beliefs, things would get awkward, we’d stop seeing each other, and she’d end up with him anyway. Except this time, I’d never be by her side again. I’d lose her.

I won’t let my feelings destroy our friendship. If I lost her this soon…I don’t…I won’t! I won’t do that ever. My heart is breaking slowly, knowing that she won’t ever be mine. My pain might never heal, no matter how many girls come my way; she will always be in my heart. But I guess that if she’s happy, then that’s all I need, right?

So, I decided to willingly suffer my pain. And if I have to suffer for it, all the jokes, the teasing, the heart wrenching PDA’s, then I will have to go through with it. Why? Because she’s my friend, my closest friend, and her happiness is worth the pain.

Oh, who am I kidding?! HIM AND HER?! DATING?!! KISSING?!! HOLY MATRIMONY?!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!


© Copyright 2020 Mikey CD. All rights reserved.

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