Why Can't I?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
This really is happening to me. I know I am young, I get that. But for now, just accept my feelings about this.

Submitted: July 15, 2013

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Submitted: July 15, 2013

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She can never be mine. She’s taken by another man. She’s the prettiest and nicest girl I have ever met in my whole life, yet she can never be mine.

I don’t intend on taking her. I am no David. I don’t plan on swaying her off her feet and destroying the other man’s heart. I hold no grudge against the man. He earned her love, and I cannot change that.

But now I can only ask myself: why? Why can’t I let it go?! I see I have no chance, no future trying to chase her. Even if it all worked out, how devastating could the consequences be? I can’t bear being the reason a man breaks down and loses it. The mere thought hurts my mind, conscience and heart.

But for some reason, either God’s divine justice, or temptation attacking my very soul, I cannot stop thinking about her. She makes me smile and feel so good in such a way that makes heaven on earth seem possible.

My mind has divided into two opposing sides. Like the Allies and the Axis of World War II, these forces rage within a battle field based on trust, reason, and emotion.

On the right, I have a philosopher. He says to me

“Let go, young child. You are so small, and this is only your first taste of true love to come. Let her go. Let her have her happiness. In no possible or conceivable plan can she be happy being yours. There are so much more to life than this lady. Let her go.”

On my left, I see an idealist. He says to me,

“For the heaven’s sake of life, can you not see?! She may love another now but there is always a chance she will fall out of it. Several people have done so; some people thought would stay in their hearts until time’s death, yet soon time changed their hearts! Have hope! Perhaps one day, she will see you as the one she wants to be with for the rest of her life. Isn’t it worth waiting for such a time?”

Both sides are right. On the one hand, this couple has loved each other for years, as far as I know. And I have seen her devotion to him first hand. Were it not for my age, I would certainly say she is his wife. Besides, I have had a few infatuations like this before, and I have learned to let them go.

But why can’t I let her go?! Has God shown me the truest hell a man can find? Such was the case for Dante, who fell in love with a girl that he could never had, however, despite his eternal love for her, he learned to move on! So why did Heaven’s Father curse me with a spell from hell, a vial of devotion, and a dream of reality?

For now, I cannot decide. And thus, for the time being, I resign myself to my grief, a grief that may last for an eternity.


© Copyright 2020 Mikey CD. All rights reserved.

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