So Dark. (Nanna Marie Andersen's Challenge.)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic

A poem where consequences are clearly shown.

Nanna Marie Andersen's Challenge.

We live in an unforgivable world.
Dark and cruel.
A world no one can show their true selves.
A world where you’re a Barbie.
A puppet under your master’s watch.

In a dark,
Unattractive house.
My master watches me,
Nearly begging me to do wrong.

And when I do,
A beating is in order.
A kick to the gut,
Fist to the face.

But pain never comes,
Hasn’t for years.
In a world so cruel,
A gift is given.
The gift not to feel.

With this gift,
Not a whimper escapes my lips.
Not a grunt,
Or a gasp.

With this gift,
Master gets maddened.
With this gift,
A consequence is issued.

With each hit,
I grow weaker.
My bones breaking a bit more.
Soon to snap.

With each hit,
My spirit sinks.
Until I have no urge to move.
No will to breathe.

And as I sink into the floor.
A bruised body,
And broken spirit.
I can’t help but think;
Why.

Why issue me such a great gift,
With such a horrid consequence.


Submitted: December 30, 2009

© Copyright 2022 MiMa. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Mistress of Word Play

This was dark and very deep. True we live in an unforgiving world and this through comparisons shows how we get knocked down sometimes by those we love. Excellent write. Good luck with the challenge. You have my vote. Susan :)

Wed, December 30th, 2009 1:56am

Author
Reply

thanks a bunch susan. :]

Tue, December 29th, 2009 6:24pm

mommy3

Wow! This was really dark. I liked it. good luck in the challenge. :D

Wed, December 30th, 2009 2:07am

Author
Reply

thanks a bunch. :]

Tue, December 29th, 2009 6:26pm

Susan Vallante

Well you've got my vote lady, shit, forget dark, how about buried in a dark pit somewhere completely forgotten.

Wed, December 30th, 2009 2:20am

Author
Reply

lmfao. i love youuu!!
'buried in a dark pit somewhere completely forgotten.' haaa.

thanks!

Tue, December 29th, 2009 6:27pm

alphawlf

That was...Amazing? Yes. You did a verry great job on this! Wow. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G lol

Wed, December 30th, 2009 2:31am

Author
Reply

thank you very much. :]

Tue, December 29th, 2009 7:08pm

A7XRica

It's dark and deep. I like how it went. It's awesome. :D ;)

Wed, December 30th, 2009 4:42am

Author
Reply

thank you very much. :]

Wed, December 30th, 2009 4:00pm

Nanna Marie Andersen

WOW! This was a great poem for my challenge! :) It had an incredible flow to it! I LOVED the second section. "In a dark, Unattractive house..." That was great!!! :D

This indeed dark, but it has some truth in it... You picked up a problem you saw fit, and you really got a great piece out of it!!! :) I'm really impressed with what you managed to get out of this challenge! :)

Thanks so much! :)

// Nanna ;)

Wed, December 30th, 2009 10:02am

Author
Reply

no no, thank you. im glad you liked it. :].
and yes, the whole meaning is;
even in a world so unatractive, a gift will be given. but dont take advantage of that gift, because itll bite you in the ass. :]
thank youuu.

Wed, December 30th, 2009 4:01pm

UnderxYourxSpell

Wow, a very dark and very deep poem. It almost seemed like you pulled the words straight from the depths of her despairing soul (if that made sense :D). It was really well written and flowed very well, just as Nanna said, and I think it's perfect for the challenge. Good luck :)

Wed, December 30th, 2009 10:27am

Author
Reply

your in it too?! tell me when you post yours, i want to read it. :]

and thank you for the great comment. :]

Wed, December 30th, 2009 4:02pm

Alex3315

This is a totally amazing poem!. So dark and deep. Loved loved loved the ending, I swear I can't get enough of your poems!. I'm sorry but there is nothing to change or critic this to make it better. It's just simply amazing!> Great work!:).

Wed, December 30th, 2009 4:46pm

Author
Reply

yay! im getting better at looking over my work! arnt you proud?! i amm. lol.

thank you for the comment. :]

Wed, December 30th, 2009 4:03pm

twilightgirl

this is great i love it! its dark!

Wed, December 30th, 2009 5:09pm

Author
Reply

thank you very much. :]

Wed, December 30th, 2009 4:05pm

daytona9683

this is a really great poem and i hope and i hope you continue on with poems your a great writer

Wed, December 30th, 2009 11:42pm

Author
Reply

i actually have alot of poetry posted on my profile, feel free to look. :D lol.
but yes, i am planning on continuing my poetry.
thank you for the comment. :]

Wed, December 30th, 2009 4:07pm

DuskAndDestiny

I can honestly say that I'm not a big fan of free verse, but this was really good. I can relate to some aspects of it, and a lot of other people probably can too.

In the last line of the eighth stanza, though, I do believe you meant to spell "breathe" (forgot the last "e" in there).

Overall, this is amazing. I'm not so sure I could be of much assistance. :D

Thu, December 31st, 2009 5:44am

Author
Reply

well thank you very much. :] and ill be sure to check on that spelling errror. :]

thank you. :]

Thu, December 31st, 2009 8:04am

autumncs98

Wow. This is truly amazing. It can describe feelings of the abused, the hurt. And you are right. When pain hurts you enough, pain is no longer there.

Thu, December 31st, 2009 5:32pm

Author
Reply

thank you very much.

Thu, December 31st, 2009 10:21am

StarlightVision

Wow,,,she seems not being able to find peace in the world but not being even able to escape in herself.It's what I fear the most.Great poem Mima,and good luck with the challenge.

Fri, January 8th, 2010 10:52am

Author
Reply

thank you very much. :]

Fri, January 8th, 2010 11:02am

Aurora Lani

My favorite stanza:

"But pain never comes,
Hasn’t for years.
In a world so cruel,
A gift is given.
The gift not to feel."

The insight in these lines struck a chord with me. It reminds me of something I've felt all along. Most of us only make it out on the other side of suffering because we've become numbed by the incessant pain that's inevitably endured. While some manage to thrive in spite of their tribulations, most come out of it only as a shell of their former selves. A Beautiful job.

Tue, March 2nd, 2010 5:55am

Author
Reply

yes i know what you mean. many are numbed by pain, not having an affect to themselves. and others thrive, liek you said; because its to common for them.
thank you very much. :]

Tue, March 2nd, 2010 7:01am

two souls walker

truely deep

Fri, March 19th, 2010 5:36pm

Author
Reply

thank you. :]

Fri, March 19th, 2010 12:58pm

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