That man.

Reads: 377  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 1  | Comments: 3

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

a poem for that special someone (:

His eyes were water,

see-through green.

His hair was a sun,

bright blonde.

His smile was a picture,

beautiful.

His arms were rocks,

pure muscle.

This man was amazing. So humble.

His lips are silk

Soft.

He took my heart.

He was mine from the start.

Does love exist?

If so,

why does this man make me

question this?


Submitted: April 09, 2010

© Copyright 2021 minasilver100. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:

Comments

Wingsword

Interesting form. I like it, though a couple words that you used to describe the man are a little odd. For example: His arms were rocks, pure muscle." For some reason, rock-hard arms doesn't give me the best picture. It gives me the feeling that the texture is also like that of a rock. Maybe you could change it to something different? Also, the line, "This man was amazing. So humble," seemed very random compared to the descriptions before, especially since you add more description afterward. It feels as if you are forcing some of the man's personality inside. Try and make it flow. "His lips are silk soft," gives a feeling that his lips are very feminine. I see what you are trying to say, but I'm not too sure about the word choice of "silk soft."
Overall though, it's good, and I see potential. :)

Sat, April 10th, 2010 6:08am

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