A Dream That Wasn't A Dream - He Was never Mine To Lose

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
This was a dream that haunted and scarred me because of how realistic it felt at moments and how my emotions seemed so synched to what was going on. I wrote it down by hand and now I'm typing it up. Hopefully the last in a series of nightmares I've been having. ~
Miranda has been best friends with Mason since the beginning of the school year. Miranda's feelings begin to change into an overpowering crush. Mason's feelings change to... But not in a good way. There have never been any secrets between the two... Until now. And that one secret will tear them apart forever.
!!Depressive Writing Warning!! Do NOT expect a happy ending.

Submitted: July 27, 2009

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Submitted: July 27, 2009

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Mason - Short dirty blonde-ish brown hair, earring, tall.

Miranda - Anyway you want her to be like. I saw this dream from my own point of view so I'm not going to describe myself in case you like putting yourself into the main character.

There was this guy. ((Mason)) He as my best friend and I hung out with him everyday. We were even in the same class. My homeroom teacher was a lovely tall lady named Ms. Haruna who was about 20 years old. She had black wavy hair that she usually let down. But some days when she was in an extremely good mood she put it up into a ponytail. She would always be at her computer doing something on the internet. She was more like a friend than a teacher. We would chat and sometimes me and Mason would eat lunch with her and I would tell her about my problems and stuff and she would give me advice. A week passed and my feelings began building up for Mason and I decided I would finally try to tell Mason how I felt. The whole week I tried to get Mason alone with me but he had been busy every afternoon saying he needed to stay afterschool with Ms. Haruna. It was almost like he was avoiding me but I knew Mason would never do that. One day afterschool I was determinedto tell him so I went to his room in the hotel ((We lived in the same hotel on the same floor but his room was on the complete opposite end of the hallway. There was only one door seperating me from the end of the hallway.)) but the lights were off. So I went to the window and looked in... And saw... Mason and Ms. Haruna were on the couch together. I could see them because the TV was on and as my stomach heaved, I wished the TV had been off. Ms. Haruna and Mason were full on making out. He pulled away with a giant grin plastered on his faceand she giggled then started working on his neck. At that moment it was as if all color and happiness drained from my world in a heartstopping flash. I ran away as fast as possible. My herat had shattered and everything was dark as tears smeared my vision. I couldn't see much while running but I did see my

eccentricneighbor from one floor down poke his head over the railing. ((He was Mr. Bobinski form Coraline.)) At first it didn't even seem like I heard him but then his words came in painfully clear. "Are you oak-eye?" He asked in his funny german accent. On any other occasion the funny accent would've cheered me right up but not tonight. I threw open the door to my house and rushed inside. My parents were off and business and had taken Mal with them, leaving me to watch the house. At first it had been great but now I just felt empty and lonely. I sat down in the middle of my bed and cried. The next morning I woke up. The world seemed fuzzy and it didn't feel like my heart was beating. It was really early. Two hours before school. I hadn't been able to sleep at all. I kept cycling between being awake and unsleeping, then a light sleep, then the image of THEM would flash in my mind and I would be awake again. It repeated the whole night. I dragged myself out of bed and threw on my favorite jeans and a black long sleeved T-shirt. I didn't bother to touch my hair or put up my pajamas. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a poptart even though I didn't like them that much and let the wrapper hit the ground. I didn't bother heating it up and I just put it in my mouth, holding the other one in my hand and I shrugged my backpack on. I didn't taste the poptart. Even though it was still two hours before school and I lived about a two minute

walk away from the school, I started shuffling there. If I waited for my normal 10-30 minutes before school Mason would show up and then I don't know what I'd do. Actually I do, I'd probably start crying then throw up my poptart. There was a light rain outside that accented my bad mood. Two minutes and one poptart later I was at the front of the school. I waited there fo a half hour before the janitor opened the doors. The rain had picked up and I was completely soaked but it didn't seem to faze me. I trudged to my classroom, ignoring that the rest of the students were heading to the cafeteria to hang out and talk about meaningless things. I paused outside the room to see if Ms. Haruna was inside. She wasn't so I walked inside. Before I could sit down I heard the familiar sound of an IM. I walked to her computer and turned the moniter on. Her backround was a picture of me, her, and Mason. My stomach clenched but I ignored it and clicked the IM. It said "We hooking up tonight kitten?" I sourly recognized Mason's IM username. Then I saw the word kitten and my heart dropped to the floor. Kitten was another nickname mason had given to me when I had dressed up like a catgirl for Halloween. Sometimes he woud call other girls kitten playfully to get on my nerves but then he woud always told me I was his only kitten. To see him say it seriously like that filled me with rage and betrayal. I looked at what her IM username was. "HornyHaruna16." No shame. Another IM popped up and I clicked it. This one said "Hey baby. How about you and me tomorrow

night? Just like last night." Many words ran through my mind and my hands turned into fists, crushing my poptart. I shut off her moniter. I don't know why I didn't get revenge right then and there but I didn't. I looked at the three desks in the front of the room. The one closest to the door was Mason's. He usedto kid around and say that he picked that one so me and him could escape class quickly. The next desk was the one I always sat in instead of the one I was assigned, so me and Mason could pass notes in class and chat. Ms, Haruna always let me sit there always let me sit there because we were kind of like friends or sisters. The one closest to the window was my assigned seat and the one I was supposed to sit in but never did. Its been empty since the first day of school. I remembered back to the first day of school. No one talked to me and somone had even thrown a paper ball at me. I sat with tears in my eyes and then I heard someone trying to talk to me and a flash of skin. I looked ot my left and saw Mason, leaning over his desk and waving to get my attention. "Hey! New kid! I'm Mason! What's your name?" I took in a breath and muttered "Miranda..." He cupped his hand to his ear. "I can't hear you mousy girl! Come sit here." He patted the desk next to his and I cautiously came over and sat down.

"My name's Miranda." I repeated. He laughed. "I know it is! I lied because I wanted you to sit next to me!" I blushed and smiled. "Thanks." "So what do you like to do?" Our words faded and so did the image as I was back in reality. From then on out we were almost inseperateable. Until now. I sat down in my assigned seat next to the window. It felt like the first day of school again: awkward, frightening, and lonely. Except now I was wet, depressed, and crushed. I looked out the window at the rain and listened to the sound of water dripping off my clothes and hair, hitting the floor. Soon people piled in and ignored me in my depressed, zoned out state. I heard the door open and someone say "Hey! Mason!" I didn't look away from the window even though my heart dropped. I heard footsteps then someone was standing beside me. "You're all wet." His voice was like daggers to meand I didn't reply. "You didn't wait for me this morning." I bit my tongue to keep from yelling at him. "Mir, tell me what's wron-" He got cut off by the sound of Ms. Haruna entering the room. My gaze never lef the window. I heard him walk away form me and his chair sliding back as he sat down in his seat. I could tell Ms. Haruna was looking at Mason, then me. I glanced at her. She was in a brown turtleneck. Of course. I noted bitterly that her hair was in a ponytail. I looked back out the window.

She cleared her throat and said "We will be going to an assembly for third core tomorrow. If you were in the spring musical Aladdin you may be asked to participate." Great. I had been cast as Iago the parrot. Singing in a parrot voice would definitely help my broken heart. "Raise your hand if you were in the spring musical." I didn't move. My chin remained in my hand while the other lay deadly on my desk. "Mir, you were in the spring musical weren't you?"I sighed and turned to face her. "Miranda." I replied icily. "What?" She said, confused at my attitude. "Mir is a stupid nickname. Call me Miranda." Mason had given me the nicknameMir, at the time he had said it was "Because a cute girl needed a cuter name!" It hurt too much to be called by that now. I could almost feel him flinch at what I had said. Ms. Haruna seemed taken aback. "Uh... Well let's continue on with the lesson!" I heard whispering and my name but I didn't care. Ms. Haruna tried to get me to answer a question later but I ignored her and she asked someone else. Probably Mason. I went through two cores of her class then it was time for lunch. I waited for everyone else, including Mason to leave before I dared to move. I reached into my bag and got my lunch bag out. When I walked to the door Ms. Haruna stopped me. "Mir- I mean Miranda. Will you come with

me afterschool?" I want to show you something." I nodded, still not speaking to her or even looking at her. I sat on the bench next to the vice principal's office so no one would try to talk to me. As if someone would. I ate my sandwhich and took a bite of my apple. I didn't touch my chips and took a sip of my warm soda. Even with the food I still felt empty. I went back to the deserted classroom and had to sit outside the locked door. I could just picture Ms. Haruna and Mason sitting together at lunch. Smiling and feeding each other food. After lunch was over Ms. Haruna came back and opened the door. I went in, threw my lunch away, and sat back down next to the window. I managed to survive two more classes then listened to everyone say their good byes. Usually me and Mason would walk home together but I heard Ms. Haruna whisper something to him and he left. She came and told me to follow her. I picked up my backpack and went with her to the parking lot. I got into her car and we drove for a bit. We stopped at a wide swamp/lake looking and got into a small oriental styled red boat. We started down the river with the only sound being the motor. She asked me about my homework

and I told her I wasn't doing it. She asked me what was wrong. I sighed. "My friend really liked this guy but then she found him with another girl." It was close enough to the truth. "What should my friend do?" Ms. Haruna smiled then winked. "This girl sounds like a bitch. I think your 'friend' should kick her butt." I almost smiled. Eventually we came to a small muddy island with a white beach house/cottage. She took me inside. She was painting the walls bright red and they were half done. It looked like the color scheme was red/white. This was her new home and supposively no one else had seen it but me. It didn't make me feel better. When we were outside her house she put me in a different small white boat and pointed out which way to go, a river that was to the right of the one we came down and she got into the one we came in and was going down the river we came up. I waited for her to start driving away then I heard a male voice. I caught a glimspe of Ms. Haruna driving besides another man in a boat. "Hey babe!" She was unbelieveable! I started my boat and drove away

at full speed. That night, the next morning, and lunch were all a blur. ((I guess I got lazy and didn't dream that part.)) It wasn't until third core when we were lining up for the assembly that things came in clearer. We went into something that looked like the Minnie Evans stage but the stage was the size of the Minnie Evans building itself. Everyone crowded into their seats. All the seats were taken so I went up into one of the opera seats and stood beside the taken chair so I got an overhead view. Some Ashley students were doing a marching thing and then the Aladdin students, starting with the Genie played by Joe started singing solos. I ran down and backstage to see if I was needed to sing something. Jafar was onstage singing a bit of a song I didn't know. I started panicking and asking the students backstage if I had to go on. Finally the stage manager told me I wouldn't be going on stage but asked if I would help them clean up afterwards. I agreed, to avoid Mason and stayed for all of third and halfway through fourth core. I had my parrot puppet on my hand but the manager waited for me to put it up with his friend. We walked out into a classroom ((?)) and got stopped by a teacher I didn't know. She was yelling for us to stay and the two boys stood in front of her

and politely tried to explain what had happened while I walked towards the door. She started yelling but this time at me. "If you don't stop RIGHT NOW you're getting detention!" I turned to face her with a stoic expression on my face. "My life's already gone to hell. There's nothing you can do to make it worst." My voice sounded uninterested. I turned and walked out the door. She seemed stunned into silence. As I approached the staircase someone began going down the stairs and when I was at the bottom of the stairs they were halfway down, looking at me. And who else would it be but Mason. He has a hall pass in his hands and the hall was completely deserted except for us. The silence and tension was smothering. We had walked up and down these stairs side-by-side countless times together, laughing and joking like best friends do. I realized those days were gone for good. I started going up the stairs, expecting him to go down the stairs at the same time and we would ignore each other and be on our seperate ways. But he didn't move. And when I reached him he started to say something but I started running up the rest of the stairs. I reached the top and started walking down the hallway when he ran up besides me and then in front of me. "Mir! Really! Tell me what's wrong!" I was about to push/muscle past him when

he grabbed my wrists and pushed me up against the lockers. I was afraid at first but then just angry. "Let me go! Don't touch me!" I said, tears forming in my eyes. He pressed my hands harder to the cold metal of the lockers and his grip pinched my skin. "No! Tell me!" Anger filled me a million times over. I used this anger fueled strength to flip him around so he was the one pinned ot the lockers. My eyes narrowed dangerously and my mouth twitsed back into a snarl. "Do you really want to know what's wrong?" I growled threateningly. I didn't wait for a response. "Fine then I'll tell you." ((Can't remember exact dialogue but it was something along these lines)) "You, breaking my heart. And with our teacher of all people!" His eyes widened in shock. Thenhis jaw went slack. "On and one more thing, she's-" I couldn't bring myself to tell him about the other men. Even though he had broken my heart I would never forgive myself if I broke his and hurt him like that. I defeatedly released his wrists, there were white marks from my furious, uncontrolled grip. I started to walk away from him and to class. But then I felt his tender grip on mywrist from behind me. "Mir please. Let me-" But before he coudl finish Ms. Haruna came out of the classroom and paused a bit away form me, trying to figure out what was going on. Mason was still behind me and didn't let go of my wrist.

My anger mounted especially when she looked at me like I was some sort of freak. ((It was really hard to write the rest of this)) In a sudden burst of climaxed anger I reversed my hand and firmly gripped onto Mason's wrist. I used all of my suprising strength to swing him around in a half circle. Then I let go, propelling him roughly into Ms. Haruna. His face hit her chest and he pulled away, still in her arms as she held him up. I was breathing hard and my eyes were wild, filled wth tears and hatred. "You two are more comfortable like that." I snarled. Then I took off down the remainder of the hallway towards the large window at the dead end. I considered punching the window but I didn't think that would be sufficent enough to break it. I brought my leg back, building power. By then Ms. Haruna and Mason had seperated and realized what I was about to do. But it was too late. My foot went through the window, glass raining down below and some shards going into my unguarded leg. I felt bood dripping down my leg in small rivers and small pieces of glass embedded in my skin. Then I jumped. I was two floors up. I hadn't checked or cared if I was going to hit the ground but luckily only about a floor down there was a roof. I landed fairly easily despite all the broken glass around me. I brushed some of the glass off my leg before taking a running start and

jumping off the roof. I can't remember if I landed on the ground or in the bushes but I took off running as soon as my feet found purchase on the groud. Tears were coming into my eyes again. Ms. Haruna and Mason stood astonished at the window, looking out what was left of the broken glass window. I ran down the concrete path then veered into the thin woods so they wouldn't see where I went. After I went through the woods I got to the young children's playground. I jumped the fence and sat down on the left swing, facing the woods. I gripped onto the chains as if the ywere the only things holding me together. My jaw locked and teeth clenched with my fists. My hands felt odd and sore against the rusted metal. My bangs covered over my es and stuck to my forehead with sweat. Blood dripped warmly down my leg, soaking into my shoe and sock while tears hit my lap, forming a puddle in the material of my skirt. Sobs shook and racked my body. It wasn't sunny but cloudy and the world seemed gray, I just sat there, tears streaming down my face.

~ And that is where my dream drew to a sad scarring end. Told you there was no happy ending. In the end it wans't a dream afterall but a nightmare. I call it a dream because the word "nightmare" worries people too much and I'd rather pretend it was about bunnies and tea parties and not talk about it, then have my mind and emotions prodded over the matter. I actually think these dreams are my fear of a relationship going wrong manifesting itself into my subconcious. But who knows for sure. Good night. Sweet dreams. ~


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