A Majestic Carrot

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A tale of three friends on a journey to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Submitted: June 14, 2013

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Submitted: June 14, 2013



Whilst walking through the forest we discovered a carrot, but not just any carrot, this was a majestic carrot. “ Can we take him with us Pakistan? Pretty please with a pineapple and cargo van on top?” Begged Nigel the cricket. Although Nigel had Pakistan to keep him company he still felt very lonely inside and felt the need to rescue vegetables from the flying predators that roam the forest, well, because  vegetables do make very good friends.  Nigel also had a big heart and couldn’t stand the thought of the flying spider camels gnawing on innocent vegetables and spitting out their intestines over the forest floor. “Oh I guess it wouldn’t hurt, I mean a pet majestic carrot would give us a rather classy reputation” replied the bunny rabbit called Pakistan. “Hell to the yeah!!!” screamed Nigel unable to control his excitement and fist pumping the air several times until he realised he looked like a doofus with ADHD.

 So off they set, the three of them, the majestic carrot, Pakistan the bunny rabbit and the cricket named Nigel. Everything was right in the world, the sky was green, the birds croaked in song and even the flying spider camels seemed pretty chuffed about the day.  “So” interrupted the majestic carrot whilst Pakistan and Nigel were trying to take a leak. “What are we doing on this fine Autumn morning in September?” Pakistan spun around in disbelief, and angrily replied “Carn mate, if there’s one thing you ought to know it’s never to rudely intrude on a bunny rabbit taking a leak, for the Popes sake!” The Majestic carrot apologised profusely  then jumped back into the wheel burrow that Nigel was transporting him in, since carrots are a rather unfortunate specimen and do not have limbs.  “We, in fact are on a journey to the end of the rainbow where we shall find a pot of gold and become ridiculously wealthy, blow half our money on lottery tickets and burn up the rest on sugar free lollies which is just a code name for cocaine, but if you weren’t such a drongo who’s mostproblikely related to that retched goldfish that belongs to the son of the majestic carrot queen then you probably would have known that! Stupid twat, and I guess you don’t know what that means either duckwit!” Screamed Nigel “A pregnant goldfish?” the majestic carrot chirped, clearly not effected by the sudden anger that appeared to have gotten into Nigel and assuming that he must have just stubbed his toe on a pickled cucumber .  “Grrrrrrr”is all that Nigel was able to manage, clearly this wasn’t his day, but that was all soon to change,  thank the mother of Mary for that!

“Oh my golly gosh, ain’t that a daisy” exclaimed Pakistan. Up ahead there seemed to be a minivan with something rather  peculiar  sitting on top. All wide-eyed and bright (with the exception of the majestic carrot who was looking more like a stunned mullet at this point in time) they waltzed up to the van (no literally, they had a tendency to dance when they were full of excitement) like it was the ice cream man, when in actual fact it was more likely to be an axe murderer about to behead them all, mwahahaha. Any who, moving on.  There stood a minivan with a pink and yellow polka dotted sofa strapped to the roof and an old woman holding a sign reading ‘my name is Lady Gaga and I like fairies’ sitting  in that colourful chair.  Nigel opened the supposedly sliding door of the van, only to find that the back was filled with curtain rods, statues of Barak Obama and a parachute.  “Well bless our socks” they all sang. Hijacking the minivan with the old duck strapped to the top seemed like the only responsible and completely rational thing to do, so off they set.

 “At last, we’re here!”  The majestic carrot yelled whilst  jumping with joy and twirling his long golden hair around his pinkie . They could see the end on the rainbow approaching, and after a long, hard day, wasn’t that a marvellous sight! Unfortunately as they were about to pull up the van and put it into park, they realised they had driven a few millimetres too far and had hit the edge of the earth. Down they went, into a dark spiralling tunnel to the pits of hell. Just Kidding.  Being rather relaxed at the time (probably from the amount of crack they had found in the glove box of the van) they weren’t at all concerned with what was happening. Eventually Pakistan climbed into the back of the van and let out the parachute. Pretty good thinking for a bunny rabbit if you ask me. The parachute pulled them all the way back up to the edge of the earth where they had previously fallen from.  

Once gently landed back on top and next to the rainbow, they came up with a different plan as to how they would get the pot of gold. “How about we drive over the rainbow and to the other side, surely then we won’t fall of the edge of the earth, after all there couldn’t be any more edges”  said Nigel “Good idea, and that’s exactly where the pot of gold should be too” Pakistan replied “Hell to the yeah!!!” exclaimed the majestic carrot. So they revved the beans out of the old rust bucket of a van and up over the rainbow they went.

They were so pleased they were about to find the pot of gold and this would be the start of their wealth, lottery tickets and ‘sugar free lollies’. As the other side of the rainbow approached, they could no longer contain their excitement, they started shouting and screaming the lyrics to the song “Single Ladies” by Beyoncé.  Even God blocked his ears. They stopped the van at the bottom of the other side and scattered out of the automobile like somebody was machine gunning them. They pushed and shoved, sprinting the whole 3cm to the pot which was awaiting their arrival. Pakistan got there first, but as he looked into the pot with was supposed to be holding the gold, he fainted. Nigel and the majestic carrot couldn’t care less about that unexpected reaction and peered into the pot. “Hell to the yeah!!!” exclaimed the majestic carrot. Inside the pot were many small cubes of ice and in the middle of the ice sat a bright, gleaming bottle of XXXX Gold Beer. They lived happily ever after.  

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