Numbness

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Angry

Submitted: September 29, 2006

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Submitted: September 29, 2006

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Numbness fills my body when I think of you – when I think of anyone. If it matters it can hurt you – so I choose to shut it all out.

I remember the hurt, the feeling that my body was empty, my heart was crushed and my mind belonged to me no longer. I hated it. To be hurt by strangers, or friends or family or the one who is supposed to love you forever – it can tear down your beliefs, allowing them to be nothing more then a reoccurring memory of how naive you were for ever believing in anything at all.

I don’t remember when the numbness took control, I try desperately to never think back that far. Back to a time when my heart was open to anyone who wished to enter it. A time when I believed in love, and friendship and in the words “happily ever after”. I was stupid, and stupid is something I never like to be – so I erased those memories for the good of myself. The world has shown me those hopes cannot be trusted. But now I cannot let go of the numbness. It’s my companion, the only thing I know I can always depend on. Even with someone by my side, I can’t let myself fall. It’s always sad to see them go, and I want them to stay – but I’ll never ask or beg. I can’t let myself love them – at least not the way they want me to… so complete, so fearless.

Every so often the old me will slip through, and for a moment I can feel again. But then along comes my old friend to save me. Save me from the stupidity that accompanies opening up to anyone. Sometimes I wish I could let it go and be the person I used to be for good, but that would be frightening – and I hate to be frightened. So for now I’ll remain wrapped in the security of feeling nothing. The protective, dependable and ever so comforting feeling of numbness.


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