Today and Tonight

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Basically about fading love.

Submitted: July 26, 2011

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Submitted: July 26, 2011

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I can’t say anything any longer

my voice is being dulled out

though I see now it’s all over the place

I know I cannot make it up

but please, please

hear me out

please listen to me

 

today I hoped for the best

to bring smiles and joy

lighten a room

pretend everything was ok

and nodded each time I fell a bit deeper

closer to the edge of the beast

 

today I pushed away the river of thoughts

down into a place where I never lurked

inside my mind they hid

pulling at all the chains and barriers

until finally they leaked away

up to where I present normality

 

today I laughed with the best

talked like I had a rest

commanded like I wasn’t just lost

twisting my lips into a smile

knowing everyone will believe

no one will question anything

not even me

 

today I felt crazy and unstable

holding onto a wall for dear life

as if it’ll save me from anything in my mind

took in a deep breath and forced a smile

fooled myself into thinking it was OK

that I wasn’t just falling apart

 

I cannot scream any longer

my throat is raw

I want to whisper soft sentences

but please, please

hear me out

please listen to me

 

tonight I will run in my head

I have nowhere else to go

my mind blazes with the outside

the wind will carelessly touch me

running away from everything,

if only just for a moment

 

tonight I will take this blade to my skin

no blood will flow

but scratches form easily

I hope not to do it

but temptations seek me

taunting and giving me despair as it’s gift

afterward I will feel guilty

it’ll eat me up in a gobble

chewing on my every flaw

 

tonight tears might fall

perhaps none at all

emotionless,

locked up

bottled away

that’s what I will always want to do

to feel less

like nothing can harm me

 

tonight I will close my eyes

see your face in the dark

your light is fading though

fading like the sun at the beginning of a bitter, cold day

in this I cannot smile

it only saddens me more

to see my light in the darkness that was

fading each time we push and tug


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