She doesn't know

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
Something on a whim...

Submitted: May 15, 2008

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Submitted: May 15, 2008

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She's laying on my bed. Probablly for the last time in this room. She's fast asleep in dreamland. Not a care in the world. She knows I'm still awake. But what she doesn't know.

I'm worried. I fear. I self-doubt.  I silently cry while she's fast asleep.  I worry that she's not happy. That  she's keeping something from me. Even if she isn't. I miss the talking. It wasn't much but it was there.  I miss the caresses. There still there slightly. Ever once in awhile. but they are becoming fewer. I fear she'll leave or that she doesn't think I'm good enough. I don't know what she's thinking or how she feels. she hasn't said she loves me since Monday.  I worry that she doesn't love me anymore. I don't know what she sees in me. I really don't.I feel all these things. Possiblly more. but she doesn't know.  I want to tell her. but how does one approach this subject. I fear I'm to weak for her. it feels like she's slipping. It's only been 2 months. I'm attached. I try not o be clingy. I try and stand on my own without using her to support me.

Using. that's an interesting word. I wouldn't use her. not in the way most people think. I love her. I hope she knows that.  She told me one night when we were almost asleep. After we made love. She loved me. It made my heart skip a beat. It still does. Things seem stressed now. Schools almost out. Tomorrow I leave. She stays here. just for a few extra days. I start my new job.When will i haave time to see her? Evenings? maybe weekends? I don't want to lose her. I just want her to stay with me. Things are better. I'm safer. I feel better about myself. Slowly... She's helping me.. without even knowing it.

She still doesn't know. Maybe she'll read this...  maybe she won't. But for now. She's in dream land. I can hear her steady breathing. She has no idea.


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