Twas a week before Christmas and what did I see
Santa stuck at the top of the Christmas tree.
His cheeks were all rosy and red
and mistletoe shimmered up over his head.
Poor mom and dad thought he was drunk
because the portly old man really stunk.
I stood in the doorway and heard him shout
as mom and dad put Santa Claus out.
He put up a fight and he wouldn’t go.
His sleigh was covered by a six inch snow.
So my parents relented and they said okay
but you have to leave before Christmas day.
He used the shower and didn’t dry off
Seems dear old Santa has a cigarette cough.
Dad’s beer disappeared in quite a hurry
and Santa replied, “So what’s the worry?”
His reindeer are eating all of Mom’s roses
and rotten fruitcake assails our poor noses.
I told my dear parents he needs to depart
but now it seems Santa has a bad heart.
So we called 911 and to the hospital he went.
My mom used air freshener to cover his scent.
He’s at the hospital we all left him you see
we gutted and tore down our Christmas tree.
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