Just A Moment

Reads: 211  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic

Honestly not even sure what to put here. I sat down to write about how I felt on the night before I was supposed to meet a girl. Emily

 
Just A Moment...
I recall the feelings that cried out at me as I lay in my bed, heart beat almost painfully pounding against my ribcage.
 "You'll screw it up," it said, with a dismissive air about it that suggested that this was all but a certainty; destiny maybe...if you believe in that sort of thing. 
 "Or maybe you get there and then you find yourself unable to function enough in a social setting and end up being too much for your date to handle," another 'positive' voice chimed in. 
 My heartbeat speeds up, maybe seeing her now is too early... Maybe we need more time to warm the waters before she sees me and then gets to know me because what will she think, this majestic artistic visage of a woman, with eyes so crisply brown that they shine golden; golden as that of a summer leaf that's carried along gracefully and without purpose besides that of simply...being. 
As I think of her features, a small voice, weak and tentative speaks up: "Maybe," the voice says meekly. "Maybe everything will work out in a way that works for everyone." If inner voices laughed, I'm sure they enjoy a few smirks and sneers of disbelief, after all, this was the voice that claimed to have the big ideas, the one that was always thinking of how to accomplish the goals that needed to be done so as to move forward, but sadly this voice had been weakened over years of suppression, upbringing, self doubt, molestation, and worst of all...by the twenty six years of first hand experience built up in less than ideal circumstances. I want to change. I want to.
"What if conversation stalls?" one of the dark voices ask, fake politeness oozing off it's words.
Silence as the small voice thinks.
"What if she just isn't impressed by you?" Another voice in the void persisted. "What if you're just not her type? You prepared to deal with that level of rejection?"
More silence, the already paper thin defense the small voice had managed to amass was falling away, becoming useless, threatening to prompt the brain to just reschedule, put it off for one more day, then one more, just until you're ready. Then maybe, when she's grown tired of waiting for you to make a move, you can fall on back on how your initial feelings had been right all along, so that you'll feel less like shit that you just didn't give it a chance...
"...I'm going to see her," the small voice says, in a voice that isn't so small anymore. Imaginary condescending laughs greet this, but the voice had found some purchase, some anchor, it was her eyes, her well kept hair, the feeling of such easy and flowing conversation. And her lips as they pull away in a smile just amazes me, amazes me so much I could lose my train of thought without any effort if I get caught up in that smile. She can speak to me on an intellectual level, not something I've been very privy to for a great portion of my life. 
The other voices are quiet now, they've been awed, shaken and broken down as the small voice had grown to eclipse them all, reducing them to mere shattered fragments of harmless thought. One of the last remaining ones manages a question before it's blown back into the void. "Why?"
"It's because her name is Emily and she's beautiful. I'd like to know more about who she is, what she wants from life, and maybe spend as much time as possible with her. To learn everything there is to learn is what I seek to do with my life and given the opportunity, I'd love to spend just as much time learning about the woman I'm gonna meet tomorrow, Emily.
How we get to our decisions seems always to be more interesting than an average person would give credit for. Thoughts seem a simple thing perhaps, but when those same thoughts have turned inward and have stayed inward, these wars play out in our heads, logic vs logic, emotion vs logic, it's a headache; it's battle that is constant and tiring...oh so tiring. These battles have made my life exceptionally difficult, but in these small windows of time that we fill in our lives as humans, may we fill them with love, connection, pain, grief, and everything on the human spectrum, but I seek a partner. I seek a companion, to share this with. I seek a woman to make my everything.
Just a moment. Grant me one and then another, just a moment. Maybe before too long we could both be in a series of moments... 


Submitted: March 30, 2020

© Copyright 2021 Mixedboy93. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:


Facebook Comments

More Romance Short Stories

Other Content by Mixedboy93

Book / Young Adult

Book / Young Adult