I’m in my bathroom brushing my teeth. When I felt a sharp pain run through my heart. I knew something was wrong. The place it hurt the most. Blood rushed down my leg. I looked down. What was it? I was hoping it was not what I thought it was. My heart beat beaten. That the next morning I woke up to doctor’s asking my husband questions. It was still blurry. I felt the world start floating away. Beep! Beep! Beep! Beeep! Then this bright light slammed me in the face. Then memories started coming back. One’s that I have forgotten about. Bad, good they all seem the same.
Backstage at a ballet performance is one of the most hectic places imaginable. Costumes are hanging everywhere. The smell of hairspray, sweat, and ballet bags fills the room. The make-up lights are hot and very bright which practically causes your makeup to run before getting it on.
People are nervous, fidgety, scared. I noticed that some were very quiet, going over steps in their minds, and others were nervously chit-chatting, trying to take their minds off being scared. The excitement in the air is thick. Curtain is in five minutes.
I run into the bathroom and toss my cookies. My finger is wet and sticky.
It dropped down upon me. I was blanketed by purple blackness, and everything was dry, and everything was wet, and everything was cold
My head fell forward in sorrow
But it was useless.
I whipped my fingers on my pants and raised my mouth out.
I float in peace in my cocoon--fluffy cotton walls, not visible to sight but soft to the touch. Air sweet. Sweeter than honey to the taste. Being suspended as I am in total weightlessness my mind is free, free as the wind is free to blow and take residence any place it pleases. Having this freedom, I travel to the limit of boundless thoughts -- Here I can be sad but not cry, happy but not smile, wonder but not be confused, find answers to questions not asked, war with the real, be at peace with fantasy. I have been shaken and torn away from my cocoon -- I want to return -- I never want to leave. If you see me but cannot find me -- that is where I shall be . .
I was really there. This is my life .Don't mess this up. I close my eyes and tell myself I can do this. I let loose. Mind wandering. I try not to let my fear show too much. I pull my sleeve down to hide my wrists. They call my name.- Madeline Rogers. I take a deep breath. I walk out and face the judies. I began my routine. I realize that my sleeve has come up on my jump. I freeze. Then I try to pull it down and show no fear. One judge looks at my arm. I feel a tear streams down my face. They look at me like I have murdered someone. I finally finish. I feel a relief lifted off my shoulders.
As I’m walking home from the ballet residual I step in a puddle filled with mud. I look down at my shoes and they're soaked. I look down the street. I see nothing but darkness. I saw it in the shadows, in the corners.
It crept behind me and my spine melted in the heat of death's passion. It grabbed me and held me squeezing my last breaths into the fog. Everything was dark, wet, cold. It took me again.
Waiting for Sunrise
I woke to the moon shining in my face. Warm blood filling my face. My heart cried. My back felt like a prisoner was about to break out.I grabbed it and looked out of my reach. He was like fire and ice and rage. He's like the night and the storm in the heart of the sun. He's ancient and forever. He burns at the centre of time and he can see the turn of the universe. And...he's wonderful. I cried out for him. He looks through me like a ghost. His eyes burn mine face like I was inches from a fire. He ran like he was running from something. I look behind me and see the unseekable. This beast with eyes filled of blood. Standing on two legs. It roared. My blood filled my ears. It looked down at me. I closed my eyes hoping with would not come any closer. I open my eyes and see this beautiful man with blue eyes. Dark hair really hair everywhere. I looked into those deep eyes. I fall into his gaze. He spits on my cut. Then rips my shirt and puts it on my wond. I ask who he is and he says someone you don’t need to know. My head starts to powned. My brain starts to slip. I wake to the sound of water dripping. This magnificent waterfall streamed over me. It flew over me like it was going to hit me in the face.The small stream dribbles over sand and rocks. The tall sharp edged rocks loom overhead. Soft, tan sand caresses underfoot. The air smells fresh with the slightest hint of a salty ocean. Small insects crawl under rocks and pebbles. Over there are some small boulders, their color varies. Everything here seems well and happy. Then this scream came from my right ear. It made my head hurt. It grew even larger. Then I see this beautiful woman a stand me. You could see through her. It is like the power had to stick out to people when the sunshine's bright, so peaceful with the shadows surrounding it with a light gray. The smell tickles your nose, some even sneeze. Nothing can hurt it. Everyone can see its beauty inside and out. I look around looking for a way out. The flowing being is extremely holy and pure; no words can accurately describe its loveliness but that of indescribable. So holy and so pure are its ways that we cannot bear to look at it; from the moment we see it, we realize just how perfect it is, and we shun away and hide in shame and bitter resentment from disgust of our iniquity. So strong is it that we are forced into immediate humbleness and submission when amidst its presence.
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