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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

tony osborne is a troubled man stuck in a mediocre relationship with an overprotecting, overbearing woman name pam. but, he doesn't let that stop him from finding true love. the non-stop partying,
the drugs, the booze, the women; is that really the life he wants to live?

Submitted: January 21, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 21, 2018



“You’re gonna miss me you know?” She says. “When I finally become strong enough to stop dealing with your shit. You’re gonna miss me.”

“Sure I am.” I say as I swallow another sip of beer and then take a long hard drag out of a barely lit cigarette. She’s always bitching about something.

Whether it’s about the trash not being taken out, or about me having a conversation with a woman for longer than 30 seconds. It’s always something.

I take my beer and cigarette outside on the back porch. There’s a little spot out there, where if you look up you can see a series of stars that almost looks as if they were waving.

I like to go out there every once in a while on nights like this. Nights where her hate for me has risen to another level. It wasn’t always like this you know?

Rewind just a mere 6 months ago we could have been labeled “the couple of the century” or some bullshit like that. Pam never argued with me(Pam was her name).

She loved me actually. Everyday she would come home relieved that I was on the other side of that door when she walked in.

She’d come lay down on her stomach and I’d give her a massage as she went on and on about the troubles of her day. I never mind listening.

It was somewhat entertaining almost like watching one of those sad sack soap operas or something. And she enjoyed my company too!

I’d throw in a comment here and there, most of the time agreeing with her, and she’d go, “Exactly! See I knew you’d understand.”

And i’d just give out a fake laugh and continue to massage that nice behind of hers. She was an artist. A pretty good one at that. She loved to draw actually,

she’d spend most of her days inside drawing or painting a picture that we’ve taken the day before. Then, a week later, that same picture would be hanging on the wall

somewhere. The wall was filled with these pictures. And again, I never minded, actually I supported her art.

She was different too. She could argue that the world is flat all day, and then switch over to awing over the complete and utter cliche of driving down sunset boulevard with a

stud like me next to her and her hair blowing in the wind. She was simple, but very very insecure. “Who’s this?” She’d ask while scrolling down one of my social media


“An old friend.” I’d say trying to avoid any confrontation. Then she’d ask a million and one questions about a person that I haven’t talked to in years. “Did you love her?”

“Did you guys kiss?” “Did you guys date?” “How many times have you guys hung out?” Things like that. And, she’d do it over and over and over again with any girl that

she’d see. One day, we had come back from Narnia. Narnia was the huge 34 million dollar mansion that was not owned by me at all, but my friends and I had discovered one

day. It was amazing, it had a huge pool, palm trees in the backyard, a dirtbike path and four wheelers and dirt bikes sitting outside with the keys in them! And the best part

about it, the owners were never home! I had gotten an in with them with I first discovered the house. I buzzed at the gate and introduced myself as if i had just moved into the

neighborhood. Now I use the word neighborhood very loosely. There were only 3 house in the 5 mile radius but one of them were vacant. Anyways, we built a lasting

relationship followed by them hiring me as their house sitter for when they’d have to go on last minute business trips. So not only was i able to chill in the coolest pad ive ever

seen in my life. I also made $1500 every single time they took a trip. It was pretty awesome. I’m gonna miss you Mr. and Mrs. Lancaster. Anyways, Pam and I had come back

to my old beat up apartment one night and for some reason things were different. I no longer wanted to be around her. It was not sudden either, my feelings had been fading for

weeks now. I even told her, “listen baby, time spent with you is time not wasted but I am scared that I just do not feel the same anymore.” She just kinda brushed it off. But,

here we were in my apartment at 1:59 am. I wanted to sleep in bed by myself so I offered to take her back to her place. She immediately thought something was wrong. I kindly

explained to her that there was not a problem I’d just like to sleep in my bed by myself. 30 minutes went by and we were still going back and forth so i said screw it and went to

bed. She laid next to me.

I didn't sleep.

The next morning I woke up with her hovering over me. “Who’s this?!” She said. I turned over and attempted to go back to sleep. She was not having it. She jumped on me

and started to smack me. “WHO’S THIS? WHO’S THIS.” She kept repeating. I gave up and decided to look at the picture. I laughed. “What’s funny?” She said. I looked at her

and said, “that’s an old friend. Her name is Jill.” I’m not even sure how she found the picture, I haven’t spoken to Jill in over a year. “Did you ever love her?” She said.

“Aw for fucks sake here we go with the twenty-one questions. Jesus Christ Pam get over yourself!”

“Tony motherfucking Osbourne answer the damn question.”

“Why should I? You literally only ask me this when you find a girl that you think is more attractive than you. You have to stop this Pam. You are the only girl I see do you really

want to push me away?”

“Answer it!”

“YES. Godammit yes. 2 years ago yes I loved her.” I couldn’t tell her that I still do. Or that I sometimes think about her. How could I not?

“I’m gonna go.” She said.

I rushed over to the door to stop her. “Are you serious? How can you expect me to have never loved before? I haven’t talked to that girl in years. I’m not even stuck on my own

past so why are you?”

She left.

I’m not sure that I even cared. I had the bed to myself.

I had the best sleep of my life that night.

A week later she came back. This was around the same time when all of my friends from North Jersey were planning on visiting me. That meant partying. And a lot of it. I

invited Pam, she’d get to meet my friends and have fun in the process.

Hours later everyone showed up. We didn’t waste anytime unpacking, we bought out the bottles and the drugs and began to rave. It was the best night of my life. My friend

Noah came into my room and said “Bro, first off Id like to thank you for allowing us to fucking rage in your apartment! This is great. And in honor of your service to us, here

is my service to you.” He pulls out a bag filled with “the rich man's drug.”

“Yayo? My man!” I said with the utmost excitement. “Hold that thought.” I left him in the room and went out into the common area. I grabbed Pam and 3 other girls.

Whispered into their ears what was going on in my bedroom and they all ran as fast as they could there.

Noah had the most shocked look on his face when I came back with 4 girls. This is what dudes dream of. Noah and I started to put together lines while these girls stripped down

into their underwear eager for the private party. Pam and I were never in love so she was always eager to do things like this. Each girl laid flat on the bed while Noah and I

proceeded to sniff the white powder into our noses. The girls would get up one by one and get their fix as well. It really was a party. While I was taking my hit, Noah grabbed

my phone and posted a recording of it on social media for everyone to see. I was deeply under the influence so I didn't really give a shit. Then the messages started rolling in.

People i haven't talked to in years chanting and cheering me on. “Dude you're fucking awesome.” “My hero.” “You're the fucking man.” Things like that. And then, around

2am. I get a message from Jill. “Are you okay” it says. I immediately sobered up. Those 3 little words said a lot to me. The girl I have not talked to once in 2  years seems to be

the only one who gives any shits about my well-being. I tell her that I'm okay and she proceeds to tell me to be safe. No lecture, no argument.  Just “be safe.”

I go right back to partying.

I wake up in the morning in only my underwear with Noah my friend George and 5+ girls all naked and scattered around my room. “Wow does this really look like the life!” I

thought. Hours later it was just me and Pam. Somehow she got ahold of my phone, saw the messages from Jill and started to lecture me. I couldn't take it anymore.

I kicked her out.

3 weeks later we got back together. But, all I could think about was Jill. Time went by, I never gained any feelings. We were just steady.

And then we were back in Maryland. Back in my small town. She wanted to go to the mall and so we did. We went into a store called Garage and of course Jill is working the

counter. Pam sees it and immediately gets upset. I tell her it's fine and to grab what she wanted. She looked as beautiful as the day we walked away from each other. Not Pam.

Jill. I look over and she catches my eyes. She smiles and waves and I smile back. Kismet. We go up to the counter to check out and she asks how i've been. I tell her i've been

good and introduced Pam as my girlfriend. She checked us out and we left. But, the image of her never did.

See, Jill had a boyfriend. And that has always been an issue for us ever since high school. At one point I was actually convinced that I’d never get a chance. Fuck you chance.

And then somewhere i read


“Out of the night that covers me,

Black as the pit from pole to pole

I thank whatever gods may be

For my unconquerable soul

In the fell clutch of circumstance

I have not winced nor cried aloud

Under the bludgeonings of chance

My head is bloody, but unbowed

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

Looms but the horror of the shade

And yet the menace of the years

Finds and shall find me, unafraid

It matters not how strait the gate

How charged with punishments the scroll

I am the master of my fate

I am the captain of my soul”

And I didnt give up.


It payed off too just a little. 6 months later we become in contact again. It wasn’t often. She was still in school and I was still halfway across the world. But, we’d both be home

soon. We never mentioned it and of course it was another thing that went unspoken. But, 2 months after that we were home. And she comes in contact with me through social

media to ask for my number. Of course I gave it to her. Pam and I were over so why would I not.

We picked up right where we left off. Talked like we never stopped. I made her laugh. She did the same. She was beautiful. Even on the inside. She said one thing, I said

another and next thing you know, i found myself wanting to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. I couldn’t tell you half the things we talked about.

Politics, sports, life, love, goals, everything. See she wanted to be a dancer. Her dream was to dance for Complexions Contemporary Ballet in New York. She was good too.

The best damn dancer i’ve ever seen in my life. Identical to Misty Copeland. She was amazing.

I wanted to be a guitarist. I would move to LA, get on stage, and give the world everything i’ve got.

I was always sad when we talked about that though.  Our dreams would put us thousands of miles away from each other. That always bothered me. I’d never tell her that.

Simply because I wanted her to follow her dreams. She had a mindset to be great and i believed every single bit of it. And she did the same for me.

We never really talked about how we felt about each other either. I mean we both knew something was there but we kind of just let it sit. And we were okay with it for a little


But, one day I don't know what happened. Maybe I was being extra charming, maybe she was being extra emotional, but she just let it out. A good bit of it too. She told me I

was everything to her. She told me how she felt when Pam and I walked into the store that one day. She told me how she feels now. And i listened, maybe even teared up a

little. It was sweet. It was perfect actually. It was everything I’ve ever wanted. But, I didn't have much to say back. I was lost of words. Shocked really. I’m an idiot. If i ever

got the chance again here is what i’d say:

“Jill, you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever met in my entire life. Both wicked smart and wicked wonderful. You feel like home. You’re completely crazy and highly

neurotic. But in a way that makes me smile. A great deal of maintenance is required for you. The best ones are like that. And the only reason I didn't say this before is because

im scared. Scared of the world. Its big, people get lost out there. People have a way of missing their chance and they sometimes never get it back. Don't go getting lost. I won't

either. You deserve all the love you dish out. That's all i wanted you to see.”

Signed, Forever and Always

Your Person


That's what i'd say. And who knows if we'll live happily ever after.

At least we both tried.


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