Hi. My name is Shannon and as of writing this, I'm 14. I turn 15 on August 17th and I can't wait to get my permit! I guess you could call this the introduction for my 2012-2013 writing portfolio. I started on this portfolio early April of 2012 and I will be done with it in early June of 2013. Then, I'll begin my 2013-2014 portfolio! I want to give the people that read my portfolio the reason why I write like I do. That is my reason for writing this introduction. I guess I should tell you about my life. I was born in North Carolina and moved to Florida when I was 8. It was very difficult for me to adjust. Sure the kids in my class were nice to me, but I still felt lonely. In 4th grade, I was bullied by the boys in my class because I was short, awkward, and dressed oddly. I only had one friend and he left me when we got to 6th grade. I also lost my unborn sister, Anna, to an unknown disease and my grandmother on my mother's side to heart disease and diabetes. I made me understand what death is and that it was permanent. 5th grade was OK in my eyes. I had a good friend named Rachel, but she left me in 7th grade. Middle school was absolute torture for me. In 6th grade, I had a nice group of friends. Their names were Renee, Tatijana, Mckenna, Lauren, and Tiffany. We were all very good friends and we stuck up for each other. But, sadly, I still got bullied by a girl named Ashlyn. It was a good thing that her friend, Andrea, stuck up for me and became my friend later on once Ashlyn moved away to another school.
With 6th grade gone, I moved on to 7th grade. I had no classes with my old friends, but I tried so hard to keep my old friendships together. Mckenna became a cheerleader and left me for more popularity. Renee still was my friend and so was Tatijana and Tiffany. Lauren started talking trash about me behind my back and told lies about me to everyone that I met. Luckily, Tiffany stopped her by telling me everything and yelling at Lauren for being shallow and mean. Since I had no friends in my classes, I befriended a girl named Dria who was in my math class. She introduced me to more girls I had classes with and some that I had none with. They were Bobbie Ann, Marissa, Ikira, and Melinda. In the middle of the school year, they all abandoned me and started to bully me over some misunderstandings. Only Ikira stuck around to help me get through everything. She was a true friend. They eventually found out that everything was a misunderstanding and we became friends again. All except Melinda. She still hated me for some reason and bullied me still. But my friends protected me from her insults and they left her behind. I honestly felt bad for her after she was left behind because I felt like her once. I wanted to help her, but I just stood by and watched. At the end of 7th grade, Dria, Bobbie Ann, Tiffany, and Melinda moved to a different school. Only Ikira and Marissa were left. I think it was for the best since they probably would've left me again in the future.
Many new students came to my middle school during 8th grade. I befriended girls named Briel, Nia, Amani, Eileen, Alex, Rayah, and of course Ikira and Marissa were still there. They were nice at first, but then Ikira moved away. Then they all started to look over me, like I wasn't there. If I tried to talk, it's like they didn't here it. So I stayed quiet around them and when I was in a group of people. By the end of the year, only Briel acknowledged me and even she was getting tired of me. Everyone else looked over me and thought of me as expendable. That was gave me the feeling of being worthless and not worthy of anyone friendship. I now know that they weren't real friends, but I tried so hard to convince myself that they were still my friends since I wanted them so bad after losing so many friends. They remind me of the pretenders. The pretenders were the ones that pretended to like me because I could give them something. Once I stopped giving them that thing, they left me behind like trash. Usually, it was my smarts since eighth graders are very lazy and will copy anything if you give it to them. Once someone found out that I was done with the work, they were immediately nice to me so they could get the work. Rayah was the worst of this group. Many people wanted to be my partner on group projects since I knew how to do it. But they didn't help, they just dumped everything on me and I never told the teacher because I didn't want to be hated by them and bullied again.
I graduated from middle school and immediately moved back to North Carolina because of my dad's job. I decided to go to a summer camp with a childhood friend of mine in order to try and gain some friends. The girls were nice to me, but my state of mind at the time was in a depression and I had low self esteem written all over me. I tried to be social, but I just didn't have the ability at the time. Even though I was quiet and kind of awkward, a boy named Dom befriended me. He asked me out a few days later and of course I said yes. One night after dinner, we took a walk around the camp. He started tell me about his hard childhood. His parents adopted him when he was 5 months old and he didn't know until he found his adoption papers in his house. He said he didn't have trust for his parents anymore and felt like they weren't really there for him. I felt bad for him, so I told everything. I told him about my loneliness, the bullying, and the people that used me. I even told him about my state of mind. He told me he would be there for me and I believed him. But, he lied just like everybody else. He broke up with me through a 12 word text two months later on August 25th, 2012. He didn't even wish me a happy birthday when I turned 14. I didn't cry at first, but I now I miss him terribly. I feel like I did something wrong. I would do anything to just talk to him again. I would change myself for him, but I don't think I have enough in me to keep it up.
I started high school on August 17th,2012. I met many people since everyone in my class wants to be friends with the new girl. Their names were Aileen, Kaitlyn, Maggie, Arden, Arizbeth, Kourtney, Khadija, and Arlee. I was so happy at first, but then I went into a downward spiral when September hit. Kourtney, Khadija, and Maggie left me just like everyone else. Arlee still talked to me, but we don't talk as much as we used to because of my depression and my tendancy to be very quiet. Arizbeth still talked to me, but you could see that she hated me. Only Aileen, Kaitlyn, and Arden were left. Then I started to become quieter in my classes. When we were put in groups in my math class, I grew quiet and never spoke unless someone spoke to me, which was rare. I became so stressed since I was failing math and my teacher would ridicule me for not talking. I would have nervous breakdowns in that class, but I kept them inside so I wouldn't get judged. I met a girl named Lauren in my fashion merchaindising class and I thought we were good friends. But she just stopped talking to me one day and befriended another girl named Alyssa, leaving me behind. I felt so alone, depressed, worthless, and lost. This is when I did most of my writing. I wrote off of my personal experiences and those are my best pieces. And once people told me that me writing was good and that things would get better, I felt better. I was able to give a genuine real smile that radiated with happiness and joy. I was able to laugh again. I was also helped by my horse back riding instructor. A 20 year old girl named Mary. She had the same issues I had and we helped each other get better.
December came and I noticed some changes in my life. My family was happier, Maggie was talking to me, and I was doing well in math. Maggie and I are friends again. I'm still quiet in my classes and that will never change, but I still am happier than I was. But the happiness comes with sadness. I found out that I was bipolar a few days after Christmas of 2012. I was shocked, but I'm slowly accepting it and trying to adapt to my new life with the disorder. I'm sure that being bipolar will allow me to write about my personal experiences again and create beautiful pieces once more. I'll try to pick myself up, but I think I'll need help from those who truly love me. If they help, then I will be able to fly again. Thank you for reading my introduction and I'll be making many more pieces.
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