Aorta Known Better

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
this is a true event. a funny recount of my open heart surgery. i have to laugh atit and i hope the readers do too!!!

Submitted: October 20, 2006

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Submitted: October 20, 2006

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(title courtesy of Zephyr)

 

It started like any other day

To work I go, I'm on my way

Customer service, I'm on the phone

Listening to this whining drone

When all of a sudden a pain hit

I asked myself, "what is this shit?"

I told my coworker, "I'm going down!"

"What?", when she looked at me with a frown

As I slid slowly to the floor

Feeling I could breathe no more

The pain sharp, squeezing my heart

Truthfully, I thought it was gas and I needed to fart!

So stricken was I, 911 was called

A stretcher brought in and off I was hauled

Strapped to the stretcher away I went

A bumpy ride it was, by arrival I was totally spent

Question, have you been doing cocaine?

"Haven't done drugs in four years," my refrain

Soon to discover a tear in my aorta

I was scared shitless, well sorta

They gave me some really good shit

I didn't understand a word they said, I must admit

Prepped for surgery, off I zoom

That's the last I remember as I left the room

Seven days later with a morphine drip

I Gotta tell you, was a serious trip

The things I saw messed with my head

And I hadn't even left my bed

Slowly I woke to see

A nurse approach with a look of glee

I saw you, I saw you in my dream

Lay one hand on me and I'll scream

Needless to say, out of ICU I got put that day

Off to Telemetry, I'm on my way

I looked at myself with staples in my chest

My God, the crooked trail went between my breast

Wires hanging out my stomach, IV's in my arms

I'd say this look doesn't add to my considerable charms

Mama said there would be days like this

Hey somebody, come help me, I gotta piss

That was five years ago and now I'm pretty fit

What burns my ass, the scar's crooked as shit!

September 8, 2006 (10:42pm)


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