now, when poor ol' abe lincoln's life
was cut short by a gun
he found himself in heaven
where he met george washington
they started to discuss
who was the greatest president
and i am here to tell you
just exactly how it went
first, george exclaimed to abraham
" a twenty five cent piece
was minted in my honor
so my glory would not cease "
" they lauded you the same way
but a penny was the sum
and the lowly pittance ain't enough
to buy a piece of gum "
then abraham retorted
"look here, mister washington
when they designed your paper bill
your rating was just one"
"i do believe i beat you
as the greatest while alive
because my handsome face
can be seen grinning on the five"
then george became quite angry
and he spat, "i'll tell you, son
my monument's the highest point
you'll find in washington"
"please take note that the capitol
is blessed to have my name
while you have lincoln, illinois
that hardly is the same"
then abe cried, "in MY monument
i'm daunting in my chair
your little concrete deal
looks like a phallic symbol there"
then george roared, "what an ugly mole
disfiguring your face
and that stupid ratty top hat
is entirely out of place"
then abe yelled, "you have wooden teeth
and sport a powdered wig
and while i cut down mighty oaks
you axed a little twig"
then george jumped right on top of abe
and he began to pound
but abe soon got the upper hand
and threw george to the ground
then all the other presidents
began to form a crowd
and started laying bets down
just as much as was allowed
a lot of blood was spilled
before this fight was finally through
who was the greatest president ?
i'll leave that up to you
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