In Essence of Things- Chapter 1 (Sakis)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

OK... basically the story will go back and forth between the accounts of the two main characters- Sakis and Amy (Nell). It may get confusing at times... so just remember this: Chapter 1 starts with Sakis... the next one will be Nell... and then back to Sakis... then back to Nell's point of view...

yea... I think you get it now. Enjoy.... this should have plenty of humor, drama, love, sex, cursing, and musical blasphemy!

I waited, impatiently, outside the church for my friend. The gray sky set the essence perfectly for my gray mood; I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to help pass out flimsy Christ pamphlets, which were as flimsy as the religion itself. Say one thing, mean another.

What are you thinking? I asked myself. It’s been two years that you’ve been doing this and you don’t feel comfortable with it. Leave now.

Of course, WAS that my own self thinking? Or was it something else… putting words in my head. I sighed and then the crack of thunder smacked me upside the head, leading me to better thoughts. I love the thunder, and the rain yet to come; it’s so calm, so purifying. I smile and opened my arms up to the sky and feel the rain come pouring down. Yes! Let it engulf me and let this stupid Christianity thing be washed away in the flood it should have been so many years ago….

“Sakis? What are you doing? Come on! We’re going to miss mass! And we’ve got to get pamphlets.”

I spun, out of my trance, and turned to see my friend, Thompson, standing at the gates of the church doors, staring at me like I’m nuts. I drop my overly open manner and look down at the dirty ground, watching reflections become distorted by the pouring rain. I had to smile at myself; I was not the ideal “Christian” you would think of. In my hooded sweatshirt, jeans, and bearded self, I was not like the others who were in that church. Thompson is a prime example of a Christian, as the savior stereotype is portrayed. He wore decent clothes, was clean shaven, always had a happy air about him, and a Bible at his side instead of a pistol. Personally, I would have preferred the gun. “Nothing…” I mutter, kicking a rock. It launched itself into the woods and probably hit someone. I wasn’t sorry; half the world didn’t deserve saving anyway.

Thompson looks at the sky with me. “Praying to God that today will be a good day…?”

“You could say that,” I lied. A sin right there, but at this point I didn’t care.

“Well… come on… we have work to do. We have to spread the glory of Heaven!”

I shook my head. “No.”

Thompson stared at me like I had slapped him across the face; I wished I had. “What?”

I sighed. “Look… this isn’t working out for me, this whole Jesus Chris and Christianity issue. I mean… we’re supposed to be LIVING our own lives for us… not God. If God created us in His image… then we should have the freedoms He has…”

Thompson shook his head. “That’s the Devil planting thoughts-“

“There is no Devil!” I snapped. “Haven’t you figured that out yet? The Devil is a figment created by Christianity! You want to know what these thoughts are in my head? They’re freedom, Thompson, freedom!” I swallowed and then let everything spill out like a tidal wave of blasphemy against Christianity. “I don’t think this is right… what you’ve told me the past few years. I followed you as a friend into this whole religious ideal but now I see it’s so hypocritical. They say Christianity is for all but when you read the Bible it is reserved for only a few. There are so many rules that the church imposes upon an individual that are useless… who cares if you have sex with a girl before marriage? Who cares if you worship the sky? Who cares if you listen to metal or rock and stuff about evil as long as you don’t perform the acts themselves? I’ve stood beside you in this, my friend, but no more. This isn’t right… going from door to door and imposing religious view on people… having a church to tell people how to think of the Bible. Hell, half the reason it was translated was so people could think for themselves! And besides… with so many evils going on in the world, some people don’t deserve redemption. If there’s a God, He should strike them dead from this Earth so things can be good… He should give orphaned children homes who haven’t sinned in their life once. He should cure world hunger… And since He hasn’t done that yet… what makes you think I should believe anymore?”

I could have sworn I saw a tear fall from Thompson’s left eye. “You are lost… and damned…” he said softly. I laughed, and the sky boomed along with me as if to agree.

“Maybe… but at least I’m living. Look at yourself… you let religion rule your life every day. I don’t want that. I want me to rule my life every day.”

“You just want to sleep with a girl…”

“That too…” I admitted coldly. “I do want to sleep with a girl… I want to know the lusts of life. The things you condemn so easily. To live is to sin…”

“To sin is to go to Hell!”

“If it exists…”

Thompson stared, a look of agony on his face. “Have you really been twisted that far…?”

“I guess so. For all we know Sheol as you call it may just be a waiting room…”

Thompson spun and turned his back on me. “Fine… you are lost… go! Get out of here… you are no longer welcome in my presence!”

I laughed. “See… THAT’S what I’m talking about! You’re letting religion divide our friendship! Just because I don’t believe as you do…” I stopped talking. I could see it in his stone brown eyes; there was no convincing him. He was lost to God… as I was lost to my pent up desires of life. “Very well… I’ll see you around…”

Thompson didn’t even wave as I turned and began walking through the grit and mud down my own path of sorrow. “You’re turning your back on the world. You’ll never be happy!” he called after me.

Maybe… I thought. But, there’s a whole new world out there to be discovered.

That was almost three yeas ago.


I saw Thompson every once in a while, talking to people about Christ. He even became the vice minister of his church. We never really talked again. It was like we became ghosts to each other after that day in the rain; we knew the other was there, but couldn’t acknowledge it. A division in faith had set us apart forever, and there was no going back. Sometimes though I wish I had.

From that point on I took my time in dabbling in all religious ideals, but none ever really suited me. Buddhism was too calming, and I had an anxious personality. Satanism was mystical, but the people who were into it demanded too much blood. The wiccans were the most promising of all the choices, but the idea of getting godsmacked took far too long of a wait. Patience is not a virtue, opposite to what most say. So I just lived life by my own principles, dealing with that empty hole of faith within. I filled it up with friends, music, and girls, but that didn’t seem to work. Over time I figured Thompson had been right: without religion, you were never whole. The world’s vices weren’t as one had expected. They were fun, oh yes indeed, but not as I had expected. Girls came and went, friends stayed and walked away. The only permanent thing that seemed to make me happy was music, but there was always a need for more of it constantly.

Such as this particular moment: blasting some black metal while driving my three friends to the music store to buy some more CDs, despite that I had just been to the store the day before. My one friend Jesse knocked me in the shoulder from the back.

“Can you turn that-“


“Can you just maybe-“

“No!” I repeated again, laughing. I knew among the three people aside from myself in the car, Jesse was the only one who was not a metal fan. My Satanic friend, Satyr, laughs and turns up the music a little bit more.

“Sakis… I have to tell you this is some good stuff… how’d you find this before me?”

“Perhaps it’s because I’m much more of a music nut than you?” I replied.

“With over 600 CDs you can’t be wrong…” Satyr sat back, pushing his long black hair from his yellow eyes. They were brown originally, but somehow they got an orange tint to them. Perhaps it was a birth defect, or maybe he was blessed by Satan as he often said he was. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt, despite the fact I’m not a huge believer in any faith. His sister, Sarah, impatient, young, and hyper as always, kept drumming on her knees to the music.

“Ooohh, come on go, go, go, go!”

“Sarah… we’re not even on the freeway and you’re already annoying us! We’ve got twenty more minutes to get to where we need to go. Don’t make me toss you out of the car…” Satyr warned.

“Fuck you!” she cried. “I’m going to annoy you all that I want!”

Satyr sighed. “Jesse… be a buddy and slap her for me!”

Jesse shook his head, “I’m no one’s bitch… Sater…”

“Satyr… like the literature term ‘satire’… that’s how you pronounce it!” Satyr snapped at Jesse. He sighed and sat back in the seat. “Hate it when people mispronounce my name… it’s not that hard!” He looked at me. “You lucky bastard… your parents didn’t give you your name and no one mispronounces pronounces that!”

I nodded. Like me, Satyr had been named by the doctor, who had saved his life at birth. He had had some breathing problems, and his parents were so grateful they had asked the doctor to name their first born son. Little did they know that the man was also a greek mythology fanatic and therefore named him after something from that. After that, Satyr’s parents had been careful to name Sarah as “normally” as possible when they had her. However, when Satyricon the black metal band came out, Satyr didn’t seem to care as much about his strange name. All the years of teasing in the past fell away when he could now say he was named after a black metal band. As far as he knew in the history of music, Metallica was the only other band a person had the name of.

Jesse stretched and then decided to start a new line of conversation, amid the snarls and howl of the wind that came from the windows being cracked open. “So… Sakis… how are things going with Amanda?”

I shook my head. Amanda. I hadn’t thought of my ex girlfriend until that moment for the past month. “I wouldn’t know… but now that you’ve reminded me… I’d say we still hate each other…”

Jesse could hear the edge in my voice. “Oh… sorry… I didn’t mean to bring it up…”

“Forget it,” I smiled, faking acceptance of apology. I swallowed and bit my lip. Despite the fact Amanda had cheated on me and left me for dead and nonexistent, I still cared about her. She was one of the few people in life who made me feel good, replaced that empty hole inside from the religious faith I had walked away from years ago. Thinking about that made me even more angrier, and I bellowed out a few of the lyrics to calm myself. Satyr smirked.

“A little edgy about her still…?”


Jesse cleared his throat and turned down the music, getting ready to get philosophical. I didn’t object; maybe I needed to hear what was going to be said.

“Look… you have to fulfill your emptiness with yourself. You’ve always had this problem: you meet the wrong girls, you fall too easily, you think every relationship’s going to be the one-“

“That’s how you get the best of it…” I muttered.

“Maybe… but it also hurts you the most when it falls apart.”

I paused at a stoplight and looked at Jesse with my own eyes and he shrunk back a bit, as if I was going to hit him, even though I wouldn’t have dreamed of it. “Look… I am missing something in life… and I need it like the blood that keeps my heart going. Religion isn’t it… it will not be it. That’s too confusing… putting your faith in something aside from yourself that isn’t tangible. I need a girl in my life… to fulfill things that friends can’t…”

Sarah, who had been biting her black fingernail polish the whole time, perked up and grinned. “I’ll sleep with you… if this is where you’re getting at!”

Satyr shook his head, trying not to picture the idea of his best friend and his sister moving around among the sheets of a bed. I laughed. “Sarah… you’re fourteen and I’m twenty… I think that’s a little extreme…”

“Amanda was sixteen…”

“I’m not sleeping with you, love. The only way that’s going to happen is if I’m drunk or these two tie me down and you mount me…”

Sarah’s ears perked up at that. “Really! You’d let us do that-“

I shook my head again. Satyr glared at me. “You bondage bastard… no I don’t think so!”

Jesse just made a face. “You all are so weird… why the hell do I hang out with you guys?”

“Good question…” I nodded. “Why DO you hang out with us?”

“One of the mysteries of life…” Jesse sighed. “Look, getting back to the point… this whole ‘need of a girl’ shit isn’t true. You just need yourself… and who knows, maybe a little faith-“

“Fuck the faith… I’m not getting into that. I put my faith in people…” I spat

“I didn’t say it had to be religious… I just mean you should have faith in yourself… no others…. Because you’re the only one you can trust…”

I sighed; he was right, and yet I wasn’t going to accept his ideals. “Look… Jesse… we’re two very different people here. I’m a fiery metal loving, passionate person… and you’re stone cold dedication to yourself… forgive me if I again… don’t take the advice…”

Jesse sighed and sat back against the seat, closing his eyes. “Your funeral… I’m telling you man… you keep relying on girls and friends to make you feel better… you’re never going to be happy.”

“You’re the second person in my life to tell me that…” I muttered. I kept driving, watching the buildings shoot by, blending together with the cars and everything else. It’s pretty in a morbid way. I like it when everything blends together, like a pizza with everything on it. You should always get the best by taking a bit of everything. Ten music tracks later we reach our destination: Hillvalley Mall. Ironic name isn’t it? Even more so ironic is that it isn’t much of a mall anyway… just twenty stores altogether. But, the reason I drive an hour’s worth out of my way to go to a mall when I could just walk to the one closer is due to the fact that Hillvalley, with its ironies and miniscule stores, also has an excellent music store. Every since every other music store made bad choices and closed, there has been very few sources available. Oh sure there was a covinient Circuit City or Best Buy, but they only had mainstream items. And my musical inspirations were not exactly mainstream.

I grabbed my friends and stepped into the sun, giving myself a moment to sneeze. I always had a very nasty tendency to sneeze whenever stepping from a building or car in the presence of the sun. Jesse nodded towards a nearby knife store. “I’m going to go in there and see if they have any shurikens… I’ll meet you guys in your store later ok?”

“Fine by me,” I nodded and began walking towards my goal. Satyr and Sarah bounded close beside like my personal guard dogs. Sarah jumped on my back; thank God she was only 5’1 and less than 90 pounds.

“March!” she shouted in my ear, grabbing the pentagram necklace around my throat and jerking it like a chain. I shook my head and continued walking. Satyr noticed the necklace.

“Thought we weren’t religious at all…” he said softly, though had a huge grin on his face like it was Christmas. “Glad at least of all symbols you are wearing the pentagram…”

“It was from Amanda… she was Satanic, she tried to get into it…”

“Oh… why didn’t you tell me! She and I should hook up!” Satyr joked.

“Cause you have a girl already, mate…”

He nodded, faking sadness “Damn, I forgot…. You should throw it out… it’s just going to remind you of her!”

“I’ll take it!” Sarah said.

“I like it… I want to keep it…” I said angrily. “So no one’s getting it but me!”

Sarah sighed. “Well can I at least wear it for today? It’s pretty…”

“If you get off…”

Sarah’s eyes sparkled with innuendo. “Well… I would just for you, my Sakis… but I’m not sure the public would allow my sliding a finger-“

“Off my back!” I corrected her sharply, but I couldn’t help but laugh in the process. Sarah was a dirty girl; I was afraid to know how she would be at Satyr’s and my age (we were both in our beginning twenties).

“So what are we looking for today…?” Sarah asked as she slid off me and placed the pentagram around her neck.

“Whatever entices my eyes and ears…” I said.

“Thought I did…?”

I looked at her. “Oh Sarah… you’ll always be an enticement… just one that I can only look and not touch…”

“… for fear of being charged with child molestation and afraid that you’ll like it!” Satyr barked with black humor. I nodded, though not amused. Brushing off the comment, I continued walking, pushing my way into the store past the group of people. The woman at the register smiled at me. “Hey buddy… weren’t you here yesterday?”

“You guessed right…” I nodded. “Got anything sweet?”

“That would depend on your idea of sweet…”

“How about something close of Evanescence?”

Satyr laughed at that, and I shot him a venomous look. “Evanescence? Please… she’s Christian for Satan’s sake…”

“Not all of us hate Christians like you do…”

“No… but you hate ALL religions… apparently. And I know you hate Christianity…”

“I don’t hate… I just think that with every religion… there’s a little something that doesn’t quite sound right… so I think it is best I don’t get into anything too deep…”

“Ah yes… after Thompson really screwed you-“

“Shut up!” I snapped. The whole part of the store, due to its small size (the rest was pretty big) turned and looked at me. “Don’t you ever… say that fucking name…”

“Sorry…” Satyr said, though I could tell through his evil smile he wasn’t sorry at all. I shook my head and looked at the sales clerk who looked offended. “I’ll hunt something down myself…” I said angrily as I pushed Satyr and Sarah aside and disappeared into the throng of people.

Submitted: June 06, 2007

© Copyright 2020 Moonspells. All rights reserved.

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Awaiting Judgement

Hey, love

All things considered, I like this one so far...but I wonder...why did you consider it a memoir? I mean, I'm not complaining, I just wonder..


Awaiting Judgement

Wed, June 6th, 2007 5:43am

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