In Essence of Things- Chapter 5 (Sakis)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
things get a little deep, and choices have to be made among humerous bickering

Submitted: September 21, 2007

A A A | A A A

Submitted: September 21, 2007



“RYAN!” I bellowed upon walking into my house and dropping my sweatshirt on the couch. “WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT LEAVING THOSE DAMNED RAP CDS IN MY CAR??”

A shuffle of feet came from down the hall and my step brother stuck his head in the room. “What is it?” he said softly. For a rap lover, I was still amazed he hadn’t picked up on all the slang from the music. He often dressed like his ghetto friends, but he didn’t act like them. It was quite a revelation for me. But, then again, maybe it wasn’t. We were after all, brothers- even if not in blood- and didn’t let what surrounded us influence us too much. Ryan didn’t wear the do rags, large jerseys, or excess himself in jewelry, unlike others. And among my metal friends, I rarely wore a black band T shirt in ninety degree weather and decked myself out with tattoos. The only thing that spoke of metal on me was my lower lip spike. I chuckled at the memory; it had been a brutal, painful experience to get it.

“I said…” I growled, toning down my voice a bit. “What did I say about leaving your rap in my car?”

Ryan shrugged. “I guess I forgot about it… you should know though which CDs are mine versus yours… I never mark mine and you mark yours so-“
I waved my hand at him. “That’s not the point… point is… you want to use my car? Then you make sure you keep your stuff out of it when you’re done… I don’t want it getting dirty…”

“I hardly think that a single CD will clutter up your car…”

“But it ruins the atmosphere…” I sighed. “Just… don’t… do it, OK?”

Ryan put on a fake look of concern. “Oh… sorry… am I ruining the head banging mood of yours?”

“You bet you are!” I shot back. I knew it was a shoddy comeback but I was tired, and I just wanted to shower and change before dinner.

“I won’t ever understand why you don’t like rap… it’s no different then your death metal… they both talk about obscene things and don’t sing…”

“Rap… is just people talking… it is slam poetry… it’s basically talking… anyone can do that… growling takes skill.”

“Anyone can growl… and besides… rap takes skill to keep up with the rhythm!”

I shook my head. “I can see we’re not going anywhere with this conversation… so I’m just going to go shower and then go out for dinner with friends… mom and dad won’t be home until late right, because of tennis?”
“Yea, till late. So, another threesome with Satyr and Anna? Sounds sick…”

“Not this time…” I grinned. “Maybe when we’re just a little bit more drunk, or on a metal high and don’t know what we’re doing…”

Ryan scoffed. “I’ll substitute, if you want…”

“… and Satyr will kill you unmercifully.” I countered. Ryan shook his head, grimacing. “Can’t the man give it a rest…? I never did anything to him…”

“You like rap… that’s why…”

“What a musicist!”

“We all are… in a way… bet Chris Barnes wouldn’t appreciate the comments you made about his singing style…”


I laughed. “Nobody… I’m going to take that shower now…” I trudged down the hall and shut the bathroom door. I was almost sorry it didn’t have a lock. But, I honestly doubted my brother would have a need to come in; we had two bathrooms. Resting my head against the mirror, I hit the water, shed the clothes, and hopped in the glass box of a shower. Nothing felt better than the warm droplets falling down all over, washing away every problem for the three minutes I would be in there. I closed my eyes, which suddenly shot open again upon feeling two hands across my waist. I bit my lip and said out loud, amidst the rain of water, “Ryan… that had better my imagination or the warm hands of death, but if it’s you-“

“Aw love, don’t worry… it’s just me…” Amanda’s voice didn’t make me take the pressure off my lip. If anything, she made me bite harder. I spun to see her standing behind me, wearing nothing. Oh, the fucking memories!

“You always did get so lost when we were in the shower…” she grinned, closing the door behind us and making the space just a bit more intimate, a bit more uncomfortable. “I’m sure you haven’t forgotten…”

“How’d you get in…?”
“Ryan… he’s so easy to convince…”

I regarded her body. “Well if you came in like that… then I think anyone would be convinced…” I stepped back a little bit, trying to keep a decent distance. “Look… I told you I would come by after dinner! Don’t you have any patience?”

She waved a finger at me. “What was it you always told me… patience is not a virtue?”

I cursed to myself. I knew one day that philosophy would come back to haunt me. “Look… Amanda… I have to go in ten minutes… just put some clothes on and go home… I’ll be… back…”

“You certainly seem to be enjoying this…” she nodded towards me and I bit my lip again. Damn the warm water and damn her! Amanda leaned forward and ran her hands over my chest, tapping the spike that protruded from my chin. “I always loved this thing… just as much as I love…“ She slid down and I gripped her shoulder.

“Amanda… please leave. I don’t have time for this…” I gently pushed her away and she stumbled against the glass. She glared at me. “You ass! I’m trying to start something here…”

“Only works both ways, love…”

She looked into my eyes and understood. “You… you really don’t care anymore… do you?”

“I never said that… I care… just not on that level…”

She hit me; though the water softened the blow. I blinked and stared at her. “Get out…”

“Fuck you!” She moved to hit me again and I blocked her, grabbing her wrists and trying to steady them.

“Damnit… you’re obsessed! Get over this…! I don’t love you anymore… you walked away, why should I take you back?”

“You said you loved me…!”

“And so did you… but I’m not the one who left… did I?”

“I never left! I was on a break…”

“The hell with breaks!” I spun her around and pushed her against the wall to keep her in place and calm her down. Holding her arms up against the wall, I stared right into her eyes, inches away from her face. “You want to know why all this happened… it’s all because of you! You want to know why you’re alone, fucked up, and don’t have anyone… it’s because of you! You can blame me, fate, the weather, or even Mickey Mouse for your problems… but you know deep inside it’s all you…”

Amanda looked back at me and grinned. “You’re hurting me… that’s good… I was wondering when you actually would…” Then she buried her face in my neck and kissed it before shoving me back through the glass door, which fortunately wasn’t latched, and bounced open upon my impact. I skidded across the tile floor and she jumped on me. I rolled my eyes; never, ever, EVER inflict physical pain on a masochist. It just makes them stronger.

Her black nails dug into my skin and her hair ran over my chest as did her tongue, and I gripped her again, moving upward and landing her on her own back. She grinned. “Now THAT’S what I’m talking about… now all we need is some fast metal…”

“You aren’t getting anything… except a foot to the throat and a boot to the door!” I rose, and just as I said, trapped her beneath my bare foot and yelled for Ryan. He came barreling in and stared. “Dude… I am NOT having a threesome with my own brother-“

“Save it and get me the phone… I am going to need to call Satyr… I swear I need a fucking army to handle her!”

Ryan scratched his head. “A gangbang?”

I wanted to suddenly trap him underneath my foot too. The eighteen year old sex maniac just had to be live in my house. I threw a nearby shampoo bottle at him to let him know I was dead serious. “Just… do it!”

Ryan nodded and skidded out. Amanda, seeing me distracted, knocked me down and rolled me over again and grinned. “See, love… you’re enjoying this as much as I am…”

“Only when I’m on top…”

“All right then…” She rolled back over, hair spread out across the floor like a distorted sun. It made me pause, and made me smile. If there was one thing I had ever missed about her, it was how she looked when on her back. She looked so perfect, like the fallen angel she was. I felt a little bit of feeling for her and sighed, knowing she had won, in a way. There was no way I was going give her up… at least not willingly. Amanda looked back, somewhat confused at my reaction. “What… you fight me and then suddenly it takes me to roll on my back to get you suddenly act passive? Is it a domination thing…?”

“Just you, love… Just you…” I nodded and leaned over, nuzzling her with my cheek and then looked upon Ryan coming in with the phone. “Here you go…”

I nodded, leaned over for the phone, and dialed Satyr. He answered with a gruff hello, which meant he was pissed. “What!?”
“Satyr… I’m kind of held up… right now… could you hold on a bit…”

“Where are you? I’ve been calling your cell ten times and you haven’t answered! I wanted out of that stupid recital Hell! It was horrible… What’s holding you up?”

“That’s ‘cause he’s on top of me!” Amanda shouted, trying to grab the phone so she could talk. I again was forced to hold her down with my arms and use my neck to cradle the phone. I heard Satyr laugh. “You’re fucking Amanda right now? I hope it didn’t involve any sacrifices! Are you two back together?”
“Not there yet… originally I was calling you to come over to help me tie her up…”

I heard him sigh. “Bondage bastard… no wonder you two work so well! You know I won’t take any part of your sick fantasies!”

“Shut up!” I laughed. “Listen… I’m going to be a little late in picking you up OK? I have to get her out of the house first…”

“Is your brother there…?”

I looked up; he had vacated the premises. “Not in my presence, but somewhere around the house, that much I know.”

“Let her stay… maybe she’ll sacrifice him to Satan and make my life easier!”

“She’s leaving, if anything… if I can get her to without tying her down like I had planned…”

“Fuck me and I will!” Amanda shouted.

Satyr breathed heavily into the receiver and made a noise like a light bulb going off. “Ta da, there you go! That’s an easy solution…! Besides it’s better to unload the gun before dinner, or else it’s going to be pretty uncomfortable sitting in those pants with a huge bulge-”

I shook my head at his dirty humor. “See you in twenty minutes you ass…” and hung up the phone upon his protests. I looked back at Amanda and she grinned. “So… what are you waiting for…?”

“For you to get up, put your clothes on, and leave, so I can dry, get dressed, and get out of here!”

“You heard Satyr…”

“Doesn’t mean I’m going to obey…”
Her eyes twinkled mischievously. “Ohhh… so now we’re really in control are we…? Usually you like it when others are-”

“Don’t remind me…”

She leaned over and whispered, “Oh I’m sure I already have…”

“Perhaps…” I sighed, the mood had passed, and now I just wanted out of the situation. I slid off her and grabbed a towel. Amanda looked bewildered. “What… what are you doing…?”

“Getting ready…”

“Why… I’m still here, naked, on the floor-“

“Doesn’t matter when you’re not in a particular mood…”

“What the hell!?!”

I shrugged. “All this interruption and insanity basically has my erotic level shot…” I looked at her amidst running the towel through my hair. “Look… you crazy girl, go home… I’ll come by later… I promise…”

She gave me a sad puppy face look but I didn’t buy it. I just wanted out. “Promise?”

I stared. “Have I ever broken a promise to you…?”

“Then you already know the answer…” I grabbed her arm and helped her up, being careful around the scars of my name. She nodded.

“I love you, Sakis…”

“That’s what they all say… maybe you’ll prove it this time… I’m not committing to anything with you yet… until you prove me something…”

“My lust to fuck you isn’t enough?”

I smiled. “No… because sometimes love is not enough.”

“Then what am I to do?”

I handed her a towel. “You’re a smart… psychotic girl. You’ll figure it out…”

She gave me another sad look and I shook my head as I slid a clean pair of pants and shirt on. “Come on… I have to go…”

She slid her own on and looked at me forlornly before hugging me and then going out the door. I watched her go and then slid down against the nearby cabinet and rolled my eyes, dropping my caring demeanor.

“Finally!” I roared.

Ryan came back in. “What?”

“She left…”

“No sex?”
“No sex…”

He shook his head. “You’re a fool…”
“A live one… at that…” I looked at him. “You want to have Amanda… she’s all yours!”

Ryan laughed. “No thanks… she’s a little scary for me…”

“You’re just as scary, you rap loving ass…”

“We’re all freaks…”

“True dat!” I agreed, faking a rapper’s voice. Ryan laughed again. Despite the fact we had very different tastes in music, women, and just about everything, there was just enough room to have some fun and not hate each other entirely.

“So… where’s dinner tonight?”


“Will you bring me home something?”

“I can do that… what do you want…?”

“One of those Kahuna burgers…”

“I’ll ask to have one to go before we leave…”


I nodded and walked out the door, dragging myself to my car. I slipped inside and felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Why… WHY did this have to happen? I didn’t love Amanda… she was just so damn insatiable. I had just gotten over her, upon meeting Nell, and now she was back, and I was stuck.


I thought of her, and wondered if she was even interested. She had accepted my music tips and interests, but very few would be willing to pass up a free CD. So that didn’t tell me much. She was pretty, very pretty; her short red hair with black streaks and brown eyes kept haunting me. And she seemed nice enough; but interest was the main question. I tapped the steering wheel and decided to play things both ways. I would go to dinner, try to make some ideal talk with her to see if she was single, and had any interest, and then go see Amanda later just give her what I promised and that was it. Or, if Nell had no interest, I would go see Amanda anyway, except I would see a lot more of her in the future.

My phone interrupted my thoughts. I grabbed it, and frowned. It was Nell. I answered. “Hello?”
“Hey… just wanted to let you know there’s been a change in plans…”

“What kind of changes?” My heart sank somewhat.

“Another person is joining us for dinner…”

Relief. I thought she was going to cancel. “That’s fine… are you there already? I’m sorry… I got held up…”

“No… I’m on my way… Where are you?”
“Going to be shortly on my way…”

“OK… see you there… looking forward to seeing you…” I cocked my head.

“Something wrong…?”

“No… just… I’ll see you there… don’t be any later than you already are…”

I hung the phone up and smirked. Decision made. Goodbye Amanda, hello Nell… I made sure to play some upbeat metal on the drive to Satyr’s.


“You didn’t sleep with Amanda? You idiot!” Satyr roared at me on the way over to Islands, gripping my shoulder like he wanted to rip it off.

“You’re the second person to tell me that today…” I said. “I WILL fuck her... or make her cum somehow… just not right now…”

Satyr sighed. “Insane… insane you are man! Not even my CURRENT girlfriend will do the things your ex has done for you! You are turning down golden opportunities!”

Anna, who was sitting next to Satyr, punched him in the shoulder. “Sweetheart, you could always ask…”

“I shouldn’t have to ask… Besides, shouldn’t you girls know what a guy wants…”

“No more than what a girl wants…”

“But I know what a girl wants-“

“Girls want more than just a tongue in pussy and brought to a point that makes them go-“

“You know what I want? I want you two to cool it back there!” I interrupted before things got any worse. Satyr and Anna both looked at me. “Ass!” they both barked. I just laughed. If the two of them aren’t fighting each other, then they’re paired up fighting someone else. It’s not the most sincere form of partnership, but it works.

“So… Sakis… remind me… why did you turn down the hottest gothic babe of darkness here…?” Satyr said. “Because if I recall… she was everything you ever wanted in a girl… unless of course for the past five years you’ve been lying your heart out to me!”

“Satyr… Amanda left… I don’t let the one’s who leave back in… simple as that…”

“And yet you’ll fuck them?” Anna snapped.

“That… was a promise… and I don’t break my promises…”

“Girls HATE to be used for sex!”

“Not this one!” Satyr and I echoed. Anna stared. “… maybe she is a psychotic bitch…”

Again, in unison, Satyr and I threw our hands in the air, and roared our assent; I was at a stoplight so it didn’t matter. “THANK YOU!”

Satyr paused. “So… come on… why are we turning her down again… real reason this time?”

I sighed. “Nell’s essence…”

“In essence of what? Your morals… despite the fact since you threw religion out the door you have none, save for those you make up yourself…”

“Nell, the girl!”

“Ohh…” Satyr nodded. “We’re picking her over Amanda eh? Good choice… at least she seems sane…”

“I don’t know… any excuse to keep me away from Amanda is what I need…”

“My sister-“

Satyr laughed. “Just kidding… you know I’d feel very uncomfortable about that… it’s very different than on the level that Anna and me are on.”

“As would I… your sister is a beauty… but doing a fourteen year old’s shaved-“

“Enough of out of you two!” Anna sighed. “You are very, very sick… fuckers!”

“Runs in the friendship line…” I said, playing off Satyr’s comment from earlier.

“There’s no such thing!”

“Real until proven unreal…” I nodded. Anna sighed and smacked me on the back of the head.

“You’re frustrating you know that! I hope both women leave you…”

“Hey… now that’s a curse that no one should bear…” Satyr nodded. Anna turned and smacked him on the back of the head too. “You’re no better!”

“Should I be? You’re his cousin for Satan’s sake…”

“I wish I wasn’t…”

“I’m up for changing names and disowning anytime you want to, Anna…” I grinned into the mirror and she stuck her tongue out at me. “Ass…”

“Love yours…” I retorted.

She shook her head and sat back. “Dick…” she muttered.

“Hey, let’s not get jealous now… I know you girls have penis envy, but that’s no excuse to be-”

Satyr smacked us both, Anna more softly than me. “Will you two BOTH shut it? I swear I’m going to duct tape both your mouths! Every time we hang out… you two fight…! I swear if it wasn’t for bedroom time… Anna and I would get no peace with you around, Sakis…”

“Can’t help it… close family rivalry! Have to be insulting each other all the time!” I jeered, trying to stay in good humor.

Satyr sat back. “I can’t wait till we get some food… that will shut us all up! I am going to choke you with a sandpiper burger!”

“Make it two and I’ll forgive you…”

Satyr stared. “You know I take it back… forget Nell, and date Amanda… you’re just as sadistic as her!”

“Sadistic… is-“
Satyr punched my shoulder, indicating he was not in the mood. I chuckled and shut up. Almost everything we did was in good, fun humor, but there were times when a little too much set one of us over the edge. Anna and I always fought, but that’s because we enjoyed it. Like how Satyr enjoyed fighting with Ryan, though Ryan couldn’t say the same.

I sighed, sitting back in the seat. “OK… all bad humor and jokes aside… what do you think I should do?”
“Get a less insane personality…” Anna muttered.

“I said ‘seriously’ damnit!”

“I am being serious! You want to be able to be happy? Well settle yourself down, stop being so dependent on having a girl in your life… I swear… if you’d just believe in something… other than music or girls or sex… you’d be fine…”

“OK… tell me what you believe in?”


“Aside from that… and don’t bring that up again…”
“Well… I believe a person should do the best they can for others… I believe in helping others to a full extent no matter what… it makes one feel good inside…”

“That doesn’t answer my question…”

“Of course it does, even though you may not like it!” Anna tapped me on my chin spike and glared at me. “Ever since Thompson screwed you over religiously… you’ve been with a hole inside… a hole you constantly fill with women and music… because it’s what you believe in… I mean… I’m grateful for that much… you could have fallen into so much worse of a thing like drugs… but I’m saying that you should change your beliefs for a situation like this. You don’t want to break any hearts…”

“A heart was already broken…” I said softly, indicating my relationship with Amanda.

“OK… well let’s see… your plan here is to hook up with Nell, but still sleep with Amanda… how do you think that’ll make her feel?”

“Amanda would care less-“

“Nell, Sakis… Nell!”

“Who says she has to know…?” Satyr added. Anna gave him a sharp look. “You… quiet… family talk! Until you marry me… you’re not allowed in these!”

Satyr sighed and nodded, giving me a venomous look. I winked at him, meaning that once Anna was gone I would take what he had to say no matter what. But, Anna was a bit of a control freak. I was amazed that she wasn’t bisexual like Sarah or Amanda; both would have loved her. And no doubt she would have loved them- two willing slaves…

“Sakis! Are you listening?” Anna cut into my thoughts. “You need to take a moment, and think. Either you go back to Amanda… and keep things at a decent level with Nell… or you say the hell with Amanda, and go for Nell!”

“Well… with that game plan… it’s almost a lose-lose situation because I have no idea ifNell wants me!”

“Well ask her, you dumbass! What… your cock suddenly gone limp? Get some cum loaded and go for it!”

I almost shut my eyes, which would have caused us to crash. I had some very unsavory images in my head. “With you here, saying such things… yea… erotic thoughts from my cousin doesn’t really work…”

She bit her lip. “You asshole…”

“You’re the bitch for starting it-“
“All right you two!” Satyr intervened. “Enough! Anna… baby… let Sakis do his work… he’s trying to get out of his relationship with Amanda- a stupid move on my part considering they’re perfect for each other…” He rolled his eyes at me and gave me an exasperated look. “If things work with Nell… I’m sure he’ll drop Amanda after this one night stand… you got to admit… promises are promises…”

“There’s always a loophole when it comes to promises…” Anna spat. “Always a loophole…”

“Not in my book…” I nodded towards the Islands which loomed in front of us. “Come on… I’m starving…”

“No…” Anna slammed my door shut. “Sakis… promise me… whatever happens… you won’t break anyone’s heart!”

I stared, really wanting to hit her. Had she not been paying attention to me at all in my past ten years? “May I remind you, Anna… that if anyone’s the victim in this game of love’s intolerable pain, it’s me for being cheated on so many times or left by numerous girls…”

“Well… becoming one of those bitches isn’t going to make you any better of a person…”

I sighed; out of all the things she had said tonight, finally something was decent. “You know… I’m actually taking that one piece of advice to heart…”

She frowned. “What… really? You NEVER take my advice…”

“Sometimes… I just act like I don’t to keep up appearances…”

Anna laughed. “You are one crazy cousin…”

“Guilty as proven…”

“OK… enough making up for ten hours of fighting and let’s go EAT!” Satyr shouted, bouncing on his feet. “The sooner we eat… the sooner Sakis can get this stupid ordeal finished with and tell his psycho ex girlfriend to go to Hell… or stay in Hell with her!”

I laughed and locked the car and, with an arm over Satyr in the most friendly way, and a fist clenched at Anna, swaggered over to the entrance, with the moon blazing against a starlit sky. I could tell, just from the surroundings, the night would improve. A crow cawed overhead but I never really believed in such dark omens; to me crows were nothing than a morning annoyance… I dealt with them every day, and not every day was bad. Besides, it wasn’t even day… and the evenings always proved most interesting.

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