The Daily Pageant...2nd edition

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
2nd edition of tropical island paradise newspaper excerpted from 'Out of the Loop' via Amazon.

Submitted: May 21, 2015

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Submitted: May 21, 2015



The Daily Pageant...2nd edition



Welcome to the latest edition of The Daily Pageant from here on Maenam Beach. The headline of our major story today has appeared in every newspaper around the world. 

The content of our story, however, is slightly different:



There are indications of a serious coconut oil shortage on Maenam Beach. An in-depth investigation by The Daily Pageant has revealed that several bungalow resorts are out of the substance all together. 

As is well known, coconut oil is an invaluable ingredient for maintaining the supple bronze skin tones so sought after by Western tourists. Should the severity of this shortage be prolonged beyond another day or two, tourists will be confronted with a most troubling dilemma. They will either have to somehow transport themselves to Maenam Village, where the shops have an abundant supply of the oil, or risk the burning, drying, and peeling of their own flesh. 

Up till now, there have been no reported cases of anyone opting to stay out of the sun. To deprive Westerners of their daily sunbathing would leave them with very little purpose in life other than washing their clothes and daydreaming.

Several tourists have already voiced their concern. 

A Swiss-German was quoted as saying, "Man, this is bad . . . really bad. I mean, what you do? Is really . . . how you say? Really, you know, bad, but more bad than bad. What is the word, man? Hor . . . hor . . . horrible. That's it! Yeah, is really horrible."

A lithe Swedish girl said, "This problem make me very upset, yah. I love the sun so much, but without oil of a coconut my skin will fall off."

A few points of speculation have issued forth to account for the crisis.  One widely circulated belief is that there is a nefarious conspiracy afoot. It is alleged that the shopkeepers in Maenam Village have organized a secret cartel with the intent of stockpiling all the little brown bottles of coconut oil. By making it unavailable to the bungalow resorts, and thus forcing tourists to travel to the village for the coveted ointment, the theory is that the shopkeepers might, thereby, increase their sale of other items.

We had hoped for a sampling of comments from the shopkeepers themselves regarding these rumors. However, the only person connected with the paper who speaks Thai is a grouchy old, weather-beaten sampan fisherman who declined the assignment saying, "I no care about farang coconuts!"




A badminton game, of sorts, was played yesterday between two female tourists. I refer to it as a badminton game of sorts because although no one at our sports desk is an expert on the game, it was generally decided that real badminton requires a net. Sans net, the activity is a bit simpler to cope with, and thus better suited to the local environs. 

The two lovely combatants, sporting unclad breasts and string-bikini bottoms showed great form in both chasing and stroking the "birdie"and even greater form in picking up the birdie. 

The highlight of the match was a long, spirited rally when the birdie was knocked back and forth ten times without hitting the beach. Had there been any spectators other than this reporter, it is certain that a thunderous round of applause would have ensued following that thrilling exchange.

It was truly a special moment in the annals of Maenam sports. Images of Martina Navratilova came to mindbut were quickly dismissed for aesthetic reasons.

Regrettably, the match ended suddenly. On the very next play, the birdie was stroked high in the air, and as if to say, "I've had enough of this beating," it caught a breeze and wafted out across the bay. 

The two ladies left the “court” in the direction of the bungalow restaurant, where one was heard to say, “I fancy a banana milkshake and a good spliff.”

And so, as is often the case on Maenam Beach, another sporting event came to an end without an outcome. No programs, no box scores.




It was a dark and stormy morning. (Who says journalists are incapable of writing literature?)

Dark and stormy mornings are rare occurrences on the eternally glorious sandy shores of our beloved Maenam Bay . . . especially in the middle of May.

The weather was extremely turbulent earlier today: ominous-looking cloud formations, shrieking bolts of lightening and thunder. The very earth itself was in a fit of violent tremors. It seemed as if at any minute a fearsome abyss would open up and swallow the beach whole.

But suddenly . . . after our meteorologist’s eyes had opened and he had drunk two cups of strong coffee . . . all was on the mend. The sun shone (a bit too brightly, as a matter of fact), the birds chirped, the bees buzzed, the crickets cricketed, dogs barked, hens squawked…. My God, what a racket.

Ahhh . . . what a beautiful morning.



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