Loyal Dogs

Reads: 889  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 5

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

I am an aspiring movie director and I will work hard
to become a famous director.

What you are about to read is a short scene with dialogue
that could be a future movie project but for now, this idea
just came to me. I short scene with crazy dialogue that I
thought of for a movie about crime and mafia type situations.
This has strong language with adult situations. Enjoy and let me know what you think.
Also, let me know if you would watch a movie like this.
thanks !


A Film by Carlos Garcia

This is a made up movie that came to me. I am anaspiring film director so this might one day be made into a movie. Until then, here is a short taste of how my movies will probably be. Enjoy.


Fernando Lopez

James Stigma

Dick Haggard

Stacey Haggard

John Morison

Justin Stevens “The Boss”


Fernando and James are inside of a car, in a parking lot outside of Dick and John’s place.

James – “So here we are. What the fuck is wrong with people?”

Fernando – “What do you mean?”

James – “Okay, take these two stupid assholes, Dick mcfuck face and this John fucker. They agree to do business with Stevens, and then try to steal money from him. I mean why fucking try? You know Stevens is fucking powerful as hell and he’s going to fuck you up if he finds out. I mean, for god sakes if you are going to steal from a powerful man at least have a well thought out plan and don’t just steal from him like an average Joe.”

Fernando – “Yeah, well some people are just fucking stupid. You know what though, I like it. When people do stupid shit like this, Stevens sends us to take care of it. I really get a fucking kick out of it.”

James – “Yeah I can tell. You get carried away sometimes; it’s kind of fucked up, to tell you the truth.”

Fernando – “I am pretty fucked up, aren’t I? Then again, so are you. So don’t give me that shit.”

James – “How exactly am I fucked up?”

Fernando – “Well last time I checked, you work for Stevens, right? Your job consists of killing people. If you don’t think that’s fucked up, then you are worse than I thought.”

James – *laughs* “Yeah, but it does pay good, doesn’t it?”

Fernando – “That it does my friend, that it does.”

James – “Alright let’s go pay these fuck heads a visit.”

Fernando – “Show time baby.”

They both walk out (wearing suites) and head to the door.

James knocks on the door.

Dick – “Yeah, who the fuck is it?

James – “We work for Stevens. You know, the big boss. We came to discuss your new assignment, may we come in?”

Dick – “What new assignment? He never said anything about that.”

James – “That is why he sent us here, to inform you of this new job with a bonus pay.”

Dick – “Oh shit, well come on in!”

Fernando – to himself, he whispers “fucking stupid ass..”

James and Fernando walk in. Dick welcomes them in and John is sitting down on a couch.

John – “Who the fuck are you guys?”

Dick – “They were sent here by Stevens. They got a job for us with a bonus pay.”

John – “Well fuck, let’s hear it.”

James and Fernando both pull out a .45 Magnum

James – “Sorry boys, but you had to have seen this one coming.”

Looks at Dick. “Dick is it? Why don’t you join your friend and sit the fuck down.”

Dick makes his way to the couch.

Dick – “What the fuck is this?”

James – “Please, don’t play stupid. Stevens knows you’ve been stealing his money and now you are going to pay. Is that so hard to understand?”

John – “So what you are just going to come in here and shoot us, is that it?”

James – “Oh no, Stevens isn’t that nice. You should know better. See what I’m going to do, is ask you where his money is and take it back. If you do as I say, you won’t suffer as much, understand?”

Dick – “We don’t have the fucking money. Stevens can suck my dick!”

Dick spits in James’ face.

James – “Oh, that is just fucking great. You know, I really didn’t want this, but you are asking for it asshole. Fernando, talk to this guy. Maybe he will listen to you.”

Fernando walks up and shoots John right in the face.

Dick – “What the fuck! John! What the fuck is your problem asshole!”

Fernando – “Me, the asshole? Take a good look at yourself you fuck face! You are the asshole that got your friend here killed!”

From the other room, Stacey, (Dick’s Wife) who just came out of the shower, walks in with a towel on and begins to scream.

James point the gun at her

James – “I would shut the fuck up if I were you. You don’t want to end up like John over there now do you?

Stacey shuts up but is full of fear.

Fernando – “Holy fucking shit, your wife is pretty damn fine. Let me ask you something Dick, do you mind if I touch your wife’s pussy?”

Dick – “You touch her I’ll kill you!”

Fernando – “Shut the fuck up motha fucka you ain’t gonna do shit! Now sit the fuck down before I shoot your wife right in the god damn pussy!”

Dick sits furious.

Fernando – “James, watch Dick over here while I get acquainted with this pretty little lady.”

Fernando walks up to Stacey.

Fernando – “How are you?”

Stacey – “What do you want.”

Fernando – “That doesn’t answer my question, but now that you asked, I want Stevens’ money. Do you know where it is?”

Stacey – “We don’t have it.”

Fernando – “Well that’s just a damn shame now isn’t it?”

Fernando reaches for Stacey, pulls her towel off, and begins to rub her pussy and finger her while she struggles.

Dick – “Stacey! Please stop him! No!”

James – “Tell us where the money is if you want it to stop.”

Dick – “Alright! It’s in the cabinet below the sink! Just take it and leave!”

Fernando stops and goes over to the sink.

Fernando – “Would you look at that, it’s all here.”

Fernando goes up to Stacey again.

Fernando – “I am so sorry I had to be so rough on you. Blame it on your husband over there, I mean it took him a while to tell us where it was. Then again, you did lie to my face, so in some ways, you deserved it.”

Stacey is on the floor crying.

Dick – “I gave you the money, now leave us alone!”

Fernando – “You think you are going to get away that easy? No I’m sorry my friend, but you will have to suffer just a little more.”

Dick – “Please, don’t kill her. Please, I’ll do anything.”

Fernando – “I’m afraid it’s too late for that now my friend. Take a good look at your wife. Tell her you love her one last time. I will at least give you that.”

Stacey – “Dick, I don’t want to die!”

Dick- “Honey look at me! It’s going to be okay. I love you okay? I love you and we will be together in heaven.”

Fernando shoots Stacey right in the head.

Dick – “No!! You bitch! No!!!”

Fernando – “Oh shit, I’m sorry, my finger slipped. Let me ask you something, you really believe you are going to heaven?”

Dick – “Yes. I do. It’s people like you who will burn in hell!”

Fernando laughs.

Fernando- “You stole money did you not? You killed people as well for Stevens did you not? What makes you so damn special? Sorry to tell you this, but you’re going to burn in hell as well. I didn’t know your wife, but I’m pretty sure she’s burning like a bitch down there right now as we speak.”

Dick – “What Hell is worse than this?”

Fernando – “You are about to find out. Like Oscar Wilde once said though, “We are each our own Devil, and we make this world our hell.””

Fernando shoots Dick in both legs.

Fernando – “Welcome to hell. If you can’t stand the suffering, please by all means, kill yourself and release your soul to an even greater place of suffering.”

Fernando smiles and walks out the door with James.

They both get into the car.

James – “Wow, that was your most fucked up one yet.”

Fernando – “Yeah. Want to go get some breakfast?”

James – “Yeah that sounds pretty good, I’m starving.”

End of Scene

Submitted: March 17, 2012

© Copyright 2020 Mr Gillyweed. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments:



Miss Trevize

You mean aspiring, I think.

Sat, March 17th, 2012 3:22am


yes, thank you

Sat, March 17th, 2012 10:10am


Georgi Daverov

It’s nice. The dialogue is well handled and your characters are believable, with the exception of Fernando citing Oscar Wild. I just can’t picture that guy reading a book, but you never know. However, man, if you want to make this into a movie scene, have this in mind. When writing for the movies time pressure plays a big role. One page of script is approximately one minute on screen so this scene must be shortened. There is one principle that applies quite well when writing for a film. It is not obligatory, of course, but I find it useful and it helps to structure your scenes better. A movie scene should have a plot development, a character development and exposition. If you made the dialogue to serve those three purposes, you’ll see some lines are empty. This will of course make it sound as a Q and A, but there is the trick: to make it sound as real as it is now. On the other hand, if you are going for a comedy sketch and leave there, there is one rule to take place and one rule only: to be funny and entertaining. This part you did right, I think. Cheers! I hope that helped.
P.S. Fingering Stacey was a good idea. It builds up the perspective of Fernando. That is a good character development. The reader sees him different for doing that.

Sat, January 26th, 2013 7:59am


Thanks for taking the time to read it! Yeah I don't really have a story for this, just pictured this to be a moment where you are flipping channels and this scene comes up from a movie. Thanks for the advice, and glad you enjoyed it

Mon, January 28th, 2013 7:02pm


Rick Paradis

LOL god damn man . pretty good

Wed, January 30th, 2013 8:41am



I liked it. It's one of ur amature works but I see how you get your ideas and with a little revising and some more story this could become a good movie.

Wed, January 30th, 2013 5:27pm



i loved it! usually i dont like this type of style of writing because it gets confusing to read but you did a very good job at writing it:3

Thu, February 7th, 2013 1:44pm

More Mystery and Crime Scripts

Other Content by Mr Gillyweed

Script / Mystery and Crime

Script / Action and Adventure

Script / Horror