Mr. Willts says tally-ho

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Mr. willts guides you on a tour of Science, the super-natural, and for the most part, his opinion of it!
Get ready, and enjoy..

Submitted: March 05, 2008

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Submitted: March 05, 2008

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Jameson R Willts’ Column
New Age Twiddle And Scientific Silliness
Jameson Willts, keen violinist, member of the Junior Sherlock Holmes Society, an ancestor of Charles Babbage and breeder of rare lizards, invites you, the noble and articulated student, to read his editorial…
…This quite ashamedly is his first.
Greetings and Salutations! Or ‘Gibb Nar Ku Ku’, as the East Manoa Tribes of Sonjah would say… Well all right, I tell a lie, you got me, there’s a silent ‘G’ on the Gibb and only one ‘Ku’ in Salutations!
Anyway, I’ve just been reading some of your letters and I shall be smug and admit that I’m pretty pleased with myself! You’ve been more than kind in your response and… “Excuse me? Okay! Okay!” Very sorry about this but I can’t dawdle, my editors watching me, “Yes, I know what a pen is, gees, there’s no need to be sarcastic.” Right, onwards!
Do you believe in Psychics? Mediums perhaps? Clairvoyants, even those, whom for legal reasons I can’t mention, who bend spoons? Answer: you shouldn’t!
Now please don’t close the article yet, valued reader, because if you’re annoyed at me for saying that last remark, then you have complete rights to be… possibly because you yourself have witnessed some ‘special event’ or, whilst being a sceptic, have resigned to the conclusion that there simply isn’t enough evidence to prove or disprove either way…
Or is there?
How is it then Jameson, I hear you cry, that they are able to predict the future? Know that you have a friend called Rachel? That you prefer Bovril to Marmite, or that you were very close to someone who died from a heart attack? Is it that they were dipped into some creamy pool of superpowers during creation, or is it rather the case that the pool wasn’t so creamy at all, just a simple consumof normalness?
Well let’s take a look at one aspect of the supernatural field, Horoscopes! An astrologer, that would be theaforementioned ‘not-so-creamy’, divides the whole population of horoscope readers into their respective 12 ‘scopes’. Let’s have a look at today’s shall we? Those who are Scorpio, you’ll go on some sort of journey, whilst those who are Libra will have some financial gain… lucky them! So Scorpions, you’ll be travelling on Tuesday, and Librarians you’ll be rolling in it by Friday!
But here’s the thing that really irritates my elbow, and knaws at it quite frequently i might add..
I write this ‘prediction’ fully aware that I have no such powers, however, I am also aware that many of you may well go on some ‘journey’ this week, or perhaps come into some money this Friday (Payday?). Why? Not because I can predict the future, but because such predictions are designed to be very general! For example, a journey can refer to anything from going to London for tea with her majesty or to going to the local shops for your daily earl-grey.

Equally, out of the hundreds that read horoscopes, many by chance alone will probably find a 10p piece on the ground, or earn their pay-cheque early or any number of things connecting to a ‘money gain’.

Which is why it pierces my skin directly to the bone to know that people can get away with making such sillyclaims. For although my example may be seen as harmless, it fuels a much more rotten-type, a type who’s fakery is not onlyutterly shameful, but is fuelled by Greed, not belief.
So, to go back to my question, why do we believe a woman in gypsy skirt or a man in a designer suit? Is it the clothes? Well no, probably not… It’s the fact that they are very skilled, well practiced and most importantly, very convincing! And that, good reader, is something thatmust beguarded against.

Now, for those that do still believe, and have faith in what these people say, and have even had good experiences with them… well that’s ok! Because, reader, there is nothing better in this world, and I mean this, than faith!

It doesn’t matter what your faith, be it in the divine, or somenew age belief… faith, especially in mortals, is humanities greatest strength. Now I am not a religious person myself, I don’t really follow a religion, but I do have faith in people, in my family, in pacifism and in peace. That is my faith.

Ah, butalas, sadly our time runs short and my editor’s kicking me, so onto this weeks ‘nutritional factoid’ the part where I dazzle you with colourful bits and shiny bobs. This one has come all the way from Canada. Yet it’s a poor attempt and a somewhat young disappointment:

“A silly hp laptop, a pot pal phyllisa”

And that’s all we have time for tonight, don’t forget to send me your letters, suggestions and answers, as ever on a postcode/comment.

Yours, tally-ho with bits on top,
Jameson


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