Deadly High

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
You never thought you'd get addicted.

Submitted: July 05, 2010

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Submitted: July 05, 2010

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The last thing I can recall is hearing sirens, flashing lights blinding my eyes, and voices all around me. I awoke in a hospital bed and found myself hooked up to this strange, unknown machine. The brightness from outside filled the room, I felt a bit disoriented, and sick to my stomach. Tears began streaming down my face, I didn't understand why I was even crying because I barely remembered what happened. A nurse walked into the room, observed me for a few seconds, weakly smiled at me, and just started talking like nothing. "How are you feeling Vianney?," she innocently asked. The words seemed to be stuck in my throat and I replied by asking the obvious question. "What happened?" She approached me hesitantly but was close enough for me to read her name tag; her name is Angelina. "Well, you had quite a scare last night sweetie. You over dosed on heroin and whoever was with you was smart enough to call 911." As soon as she mentioned the word heroin I knew exactly what went down the night before, I tried to committ suicide, but I don't remember anyone being with me. "Who called the hospital?" "I don't know. All they told me was that a man called. I'm sorry." I threw her this exhausted look and she took the hint. "If you need me, just use the phone next you alright? My name is Angelina by the way." I nodded, she left, and I began crying again. I thought about why I wanted to kill myself, the reason sounded ridiculous whenever spoken out loud, but it sounded reasonable in my head so I never told anyone. I had lost my mother about 4 months ago, she had kindney disease and refused to get on dialysis. She believed she was super woman, but I knew it was only a matter of time before she lost the battle she so desperately wanted to win. Then me and my now ex boyfriend Aaron had split a few weeks ago because he couldn't get his fuckin act together. Like me, he too is a drug addict. I actually thought I loved him but I came to a realization that we never really loved each other, we just loved the fact that the other shared the love of drugs. I still care about him yet he's probably too high to noticed I'm gone right now. We were together for a year and two months, it was my choice to call it quits, especially after he screwed one of our drug dealers. He claimed he was 'tripping out on acid' but I know he's always wanted to rub his hands all over those fake tits of hers. I kept thinking about who called and why they cared if I lived. I loathe my own hideous self with a passion so just let me go to hell sinceI'm already living in one.

Around 6 p.m. Angelina returned with dinner, ham and cheese sandwich with chips. Delicious! Not! I still had the urge of puking. "Hey, Angelina?" "Yes?" I bit my lower lip as sweat trickled down my forehead. "When-when can I leave?" Her expression confused me because she looked puzzled and sad. She sighed before answering my question. "I'm not too sure. Do you remember anything that happened last night? Or would you like me to tell you?" It had came back to me but for some reason, I wanted her to tell me, just to make sure. She sat down next to my bedside and simply said, "You attempted suicide last night." I felt awkward for asking her things I was aware of but she seemed too sincere; I felt this odd attraction to her. "And it was heroin right?" She patted my hand. "Yes. It's just, the doctor informed me that you're a drug addict. I didn't know but I suppose it makes sense, drugs can be used to numb pain and end pain as well." I suddenly grew embarrassed, I was pathetic compared to a lovely woman such as herself. Now I really desired to be dead. "Are you sending me to rehab?" She caught my gaze with her intense stare, and the next thing she said shocked me. "No. It's your choice Vianney, we can't make you do anything you don't want to. You have to be the one who wants to get better and we cannot make that type of decision for you. You're not a child." She was right about everything except for me not being a child because even though I'm 20 years old, I sure am acting like a child. Wanting to die for Aaron and his poor choices along with losing my mom, wasn't a pass to take my life but a chance to start living it. I knew what I had to do now. "I would really like a opportunity to become clean. I want to make my mom proud, and be victorious." A glorious smile spread across her face. "That's wonderful. I'm proud of you and your mother would be too. I'll talk to the doctor and see what I can do." "Thank you. You saved my life." She chuckled. "No, Vianney, you saved your life." Once she disappeared I fell into a much needed sleep.

The next morning Angelina brought me breakfast and great news. She told me they have a program here in Austin, Texas that I can attend. I was delighted to hear that, and I was going to be able to leave that night. I was almost done with packing when I heard a soft knock on the door. I opened the door finding myself face to face with Aaron, and I was in disbelief. "Hey," he quietly whispered. "Umm, hi." He looked at me with tears welling up in his eyes, and I invited him in the room. "Vianney, I'm so sorry. I fucked up and I know you'll never forgive me but I'm glad you're ok." His words sounded genuine, which was unusual for him since he could be a real asshole at times. "I'm going to rehab in a couple of hours," I replied. He gave me this half-smile and said, "Rehab. Sounds good. Can I come too?" I thought he was joking but the pleading gaze in his eyes said differently. "Seriously?" "Yes. I went to see you last night to tell you I needed to clean up because I had hurt you, and you don't deserve to be treated like shit. I wanted to prove to you I can change. Then when I got there, I saw you unconcious on the floor and I called 911 right away." Holy shit. He was the one who called. "Thank you Aaron. I would've died if you hadn't been there." He grabbed my hand and kissed my cheek. "I need you Vianney. I flipped out when I saw you just lying there, I thought you were already dead but I checked for a pulse. Thankfully your heart was still pumping." I didn't know what to say but it still destroyed me knowing he slept with another girl. I wasn't too sure if we could make a relationship work again. "As grateful as I am, I think we should focus more on ourselves instead of each other. I do love you but I can't say I want to be with you. I'll be there for you no matter what, I know you'll do the same for me, and when it's over we'll be new people with different ambitions." He seemed upset but I knew he understood. "You're right. I'll love you until the end of time, and Vianney?" "Yes?" "I can read you like a book. No matter what you may have thought, it was always you I loved, not the drugs." With that said I packed the rest of my belongings, told Angelina goodbye, and walked out of the hospital knowing that I was given a second chance to really live without the drugs, and my overbearing insecurities.


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