story rough draft

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Horror  |  House: Booksie Classic
this is one of the first short stories i have ever written and i consider it to be possibly my best short story to date. i wrote it about a year and a half ago for my freshmen creative writing class. it was written in the span of a week or so, and was around the time that i was first developing my writing skills, so forgive me if this rough draft version has a few mild grammatical errors. i plan on revising it into a final version soon. after i wrote this story i stopped writing for about a year or so, partly becuase i was too busy and partly because i lost interest. but now im back with thunder to really get this rolling again. i plan on writing a few more stories here soon and posting them on this here website so be on the lookout. here it is, hope you enjoy...

Submitted: July 16, 2008

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 16, 2008



Written by, MTH


A Knock At The Door


Most people would not be terrified by a door to door salesman. However, if you were to go to Priston Street, and try to sell them something at their doorstep, you would more then likely be shot dead in the middle of the street.
You see, the residents of Priston Street have recently had an experience with a door to door salesman. An experience so terrifying that they would not soon forget it. And I would strongly suggest that if those who had survived this terrible ordeal never saw another door to door salesman again, then they would be at total peace.
___ ___ ___

It all began on August 17th, 2005. And it all ended for better or worse on the 22nd.
On that cold and foggy night, a man dressed in a suit and tie happily marched his way towards the houses on Priston Street.
When he reached the middle of the circular asphalt parking lot shared by all of the current residents of Priston Street, he stopped and gazed upon the houses of that small neighborhood.
There are five houses on Priston Street. Four of them are occupied, and one is abandoned.
The house on the right corner of the street, white with yellow strips, is a small novelty shop, owned by Mr. Downey. The rear of the building is a one bedroom where Mr. Downey stays after he closes his shop up at night.
The large purple house next to his was owned by an old crazy woman who happens to have eleven cats.
The house next to her house is an empty house, which has been abandoned for at least twenty years. And it has frequently been used by local kids during Halloween as a haunted house.
The next house on that block is a small, pink colored house, currently occupied by a young couple by the name of Evans, who have recently moved into the neighborhood.
The last house, the one on the other side of the block, has been owned by a middle aged couple by the name of Bakers for about ten years.
The mysterious man continued to just stand there, watching the houses under a star filled sky.
Then, with a deep, sinister voice, he said “Soon I will plunge these sad fools into a nightmare. A hell the likes of which they’ve never seen!”
And he laughed in a loud echoing voice, the sound flying across the whole neighborhood.
Then all of a sudden he disappeared, right out of thin air.
___ ___ ___

Fox Evans awoke in the middle of the night to what sounded like loud laughter, echoing out into the night.
He sat up in his bed, eyes wide open and sweat rolling down his face. He wiped the sweat off his face and combed back his dark brown hair with his right hand.
Susan Evans sat up almost immediately after Fox had sat up, and said to him “What in the hell was that?”
“I don’t know.” He responded in a worried tone of voice.
He got up off the bed, and grabbed his blue, metal baseball bat. “Where are you going.” She asked him. “Susan, stay here. I’m going to go check that noise out.”
He ran down the stairs and stopped at the inside of his front door. He then slowly opened the door and walked out onto his front lawn.
But to his surprise, no one was out there.
What the hell is going on? He thought. Am I just hearing things? Maybe I’m crazy.
  At that moment, Gloria and Frank Baker opened their front door, and stepped out onto their patio.
“Where was that noise coming from?” asked Gloria. “Ya Fox,” Frank said harshly. “What was that shit? And why do you have a baseball bat in your hand?”
“Everything is fine Frank. The baseball bat was just for protection.” “Protection?” Frank blurted out. “Yes Frank. Protection in case whoever made that noise was dangerous. But whoever it was is gone now. And I think it was just some stupid kids or a homeless person. You know, something along those lines. So, I think we’ll be okay.”
“But Fox. Me and my wife thought that-” He was interrupted by Fox. “Look. Mr. and Mrs. Baker. Everything will be okay. It’s three o clock in the morning right now, and that means that I have to be at work in less than three hours. I’m dead tired, and I want to try to get at least another hour or so of sleep. If you guys still want to talk about this, then we can talk more, tomorrow night when I get off of work. But for now, just let me get some damned sleep, okay?”
“Ya,” responded Frank, timidly. “We’ll..ah…just talk to you tomorrow night like you said.”
Fox headed back towards the front of his house. He turned briefly and said to the Bakers, “Goodnight you guys. See you in the morning.” He then headed into his house.
“Goodnight!” Gloria shouted back at Fox, and then she went into her house.
Frank stretched his back, and for a brief few seconds, he thought that he saw a man out there in the parking lot. And a second later he was gone. That’s weird. Frank thought. “Oh well, I must be seeing things.”
He headed back into his house, and went back to bed.
___ ___ ___

Monday night was the first time the door to door salesman ever set foot near Priston Street. But Tuesday afternoon would be the first time he actually introduced himself to the people living there.
The crazy old woman, named Ms. Seller, was knelling near her rose garden, tending to her flowers, when the mysterious door to door salesman walked up to her house.
“Good afternoon, Ms. Seller. How are you doing? Lovely day isn’t it. Might I add what a lovely rose garden you have there”
She was about to thank him for the compliment about her roses that he said, when a frightening thought came to mind that troubled her. How did he know her name? She had not told him, at least not to her knowledge. But what did she know? With her memory loss, she probably told him her name already, and she just forgot about it. But deep down she felt that was not the case.
She responded to him by saying, “Thank you for the compliment, but May I ask you why you’re here?”
“Ah, yes. I happen to be a door to door salesman for an insurance company. I go around offering people insurance policies. Now, before you decide that all of us door to door guys are all the same, let me insure you that the company I work for is very reliable and trustworthy.”
“What kind of policies do you sell?” she asked, half skeptically. “Well, we sell all kinds of policies ma’am. But I have been watching you for sometime now, and I think based on how you live I have a policy that would be just right for you.”
She shuddered after hearing him say that ‘He had been watching her for some time now.’ And at this point, her heart was beginning to beat faster, and she was really starting to get worried.
“You do?” she asked. “What is the policy called?” “Feline Protection Policy.” He responded.
“What is that supposed to mean sir?” she asked “It means ma’am, that none of your cats will, at any time, be harmed. As long as you sign up for this policy.”
“What? That’s crazy talk! My cats are perfectly fine, and will remain so even if I don’t sign up for your scam policy!”
“Really,” he said. “Is that what you think?” after he said that, she swore she could hear a little bit of frustration and sarcasm in his voice. “Yes.” She responded. ‘I do think so.”
He suddenly grabbed one of her cats, and held it up with his right hand, while saying “Let me show you what will happen if you don’t sign up for this policy.” “What are you going to do with my cat?” she asked him.
He laid the cat on its side on the sidewalk, and stepped on its head, crushing it’s skull into mush.
At the sight of this, Ms. Seller tried to scream, but she was too frightened. All that came out was a silent squeal.
“You see ma’am, all I wanted to do was sell you some insurance. But no, you didn’t want it. You thought you’d be okay without it. What a shame, this wouldn’t have happened if you had bought that policy.”
She backed up towards her front door, and said to him “You stay the hell away from me, you monster!”
He laughed abruptly, and it scared her. “My poor little snuggles, you killed him you murderer!”
“Ms. Seller,” he said in a deep, sinister voice, while walking closer and closer to her. “I think it would be good if you kept your voice down.”
“Now I’m going to give you until Friday to sign up for that policy, and possibly other ones as well. And if you don’t get with the program by then, well, you just might end up like your cat.”
He walked back out onto the sidewalk, and as he was walking away, he said “Cheer up you old prune, you still got your other cats to keep you company!” He laughed after saying that. And Ms. Seller watched him until he was out of sight.
Then she scrambled back into her house, and locked the door.
___ ___ ___

Susan Evans was in the middle of cooking a roast that she and Fox would eat tonight, when she got a knock at the door.
She opened the door, and the door to door salesman was standing there, with a thin folder in his hand. “Well how do you do Mrs. Evans?”
“I’m doing quite fine, thank you. In fact I was just about to cook…hey! Wait a minute. How do know my name?” “My company always strives to know our customers well” he said.
“What company are you talking about?” she asked. “I work for an insurance company. I am a door to door salesmen, and I offer people insurance.”
“Well sir,” she said. “My husband is coming home shortly, and I’m still in the middle of cooking our dinner. Could you possibly come by later on tonight, so me and my husband could talk about this together?”
“Sure ma’am, that sounds like a good idea. In fact, I just realized that I’m kind of busy tonight, so why don’t I just come by and see you guys tomorrow night.” “Sure,” she said.
“In fact, I’m going to visit your neighbors over there, The Bakers. I’m going to see if they’d be interested in some of these insurance policies of mine.”
“Oh, you mean the bakers?” she said surprisingly. “I know them. And trust me; they wouldn’t buy anything from a door to door salesman.”
“Oh, when I get thru with them I think they might change their mind.” He said. And he left abruptly, without letting her say anything else.
She sat there and thought about what he had said. How ‘when he was done with them they’d change their minds’. And when she focused on what he had said, it scared her.
___ ___ ___
The mysterious salesman walked towards the Baker’s house in the afternoon sunlight. And when Gloria Baker saw him, she turned and said “Can I help you?”
“Yes,” he said. “You can help me by buying some insurance bitch.”
Gloria was in shock, she could not believe what she had just heard. “What did you just say?” she asked angrily.
“I said I just murdered your husband!” he replied, with a sly smile on his face.“What?” she said. By this point, she started to cry.
“Just joking.” He said, while laughing. “How could you joke about something like that?” She said to him.
“Just shut your mouth pig, and buy some damned insurance!” He shouted back to her.
“You just go away, you’re a bad man! I’m going to tell my husband about you, he’s a big man. He’ll hurt you if you come around here anymore!”
“What,” he said to her. “That fat bastard? He couldn’t hurt a fly. Let him try to tango with me, he’ll end up in a hospital.”
Gloria ran back into her house, and locked the door.
“My work here is done for the day.” He said. Then, he disappeared into thin air.
___ ___ ___

Gloria told her husband what the door to door salesmen had said when he got home later on Tuesday night. And he was furious. He planned on confronting the mysterious figure when he met up with the Evans Wednesday night.
But besides that, everything went fine for the rest of the evening, until the door to door salesmen showed up at the Evans house the next night.
It was six thirty, Wednesday night, and the Evans were sitting outside on their porch, waiting for the salesmen.
When he showed up, Fox immediately said to him “Who in the hell are you? And why are you causing all this damned trouble in my neighborhood?” The salesmen was about to answer fox’s questions, when suddenly Frank Baker ran towards him with a shovel in hand.
He turned just in time to see Frank nail him on the middle of the head with the shovel.
But to Frank’s surprise, the shovel did not even hurt him. In fact, the shovel bent in half when it hit the salesmen, as if he was made out of rock or steel.
The salesmen grabbed the bended shovel, and with surprising strength, he broke it into many pieces and threw it onto the ground.
Frank began to back up, and with a look of pure fright on his face, he continually said the words ‘Pease don’t hurt me.’ over and over again.
“You shouldn’t have messed with me, frank.” He grabbed frank and threw him around like a rag doll, before finally slamming him against a nearby oak tree. When Gloria saw him shaking her husband around like that, she shrieked out loud, and said “Leave him alone, you monster!”
The insurance agent suddenly clapped his hands together and shouted out in a voice that seemed to be too loud for a human voice. “Let there be fire upon this place!” And as soon as he said that, a bolt of lightning came down from the sky out of nowhere, and struck the Baker’s house, causing it to go up in flames.
And as the door to door salesmen suddenly disappeared once again, fox watched in unbelief as the Baker’s house continued to burn in the flames.
Somehow, that man, that monster, had supernaturally summoned up lightning from the sky, and set the Baker’s house ablaze. No normal insurance agent could do something like that. Hell, no human could do anything like that.
___ ___ ___

It was Early Thursday morning, Fox had already headed off to work, and Susan was trying to calm the Bakers as they sat on the curb, near there recently burnt down house.
“Gloria, just calm down.” Susan said. “Fox will catch this guy, whoever he is. And we’ll call the police. You guys can sue him, and get money for another house.”
“I want my house back!” Gloria said as she cried her eyes out. “I don’t care about the house anymore.” shouted Frank angrily. “I just want to see that bastard dead! I don’t care who he is, if he comes within my field of vision ever again, he’ll be sorry!”

___ ___ ___

Nancy Seller was on her porch, watering her roses, when she suddenly saw that salesmen. He walked into Mr. Downey’s novelty shop, and walked back out a minute or two later. And after he got about twenty or thirty feet away from the store, it suddenly blew up. And Mr. Downey flew out of his second story window, and fell upon the concrete below.
The salesmen suddenly turned a full circle with his body, and faced Ms. Seller. He gave her an evil look, and in that moment when his eyes met hers, she got scared, real scared. So scared, that her legs gave in, and she fell down on the porch.
He began to walk towards her house, and she discovered the terrible fact that as he was walking closer and closer towards her, she would not be able to stand and get in the house in time.
He was by the sidewalk, and almost at the steps of the porch, when she screamed out “No!” “Leave me alone! Please!” To her delighted surprise, she found the strength to stand, and make it into the house.
As soon as she got inside, she began to lock the door. However, the insurance agent kicked the door open, and sent her flying back, and she landed in her favorite rocking chair.
“I thought I had until Friday to make my decision about the policy!” she said to him. “Well guess what granny, I changed my mind. And since you don’t have the insurance you’re going to die tonight!”
“Please, don’t kill me.” She squealed.
“Oh, I’m not going to kill you Ms. Seller. Oh no. your cats are going to kill you.”
And before she could respond to his weird claim that her felines would bring about her demise later on tonight, he suddenly disappeared into thin air, right in front of her eyes.
___ ___ ___

As soon as they saw Mr. Downey’s novelty shop explode, and his body go flying onto the concrete below, Susan and the Bakers immediately rushed towards Mr. Downey’s motionless body.
When they arrived near his body, Frank said “Stand back, I’m going to check his pulse, to see if he’s still alive.” Frank rushed over to Mr. Downey’s body, and pressed two of his fingers up against his neck.
A minute later, Gloria said to him “Well Frank is he alive?” Frank slowly turned his head towards them, and said “No, he’s dead.
___ ___ ___

As soon as Fox got home, the Bakers and Evens all met up together, to discuss what they were going to do. But Ms. Seller remained in her house. And all day she had been reflecting upon what that monster had said to her.
“Ha,” she said out loud. “Me, killed by my cats. What a joke!” And as she said that a small smile came to her face. Apparently, she found what the salesmen said to be funny.
Then all of a sudden, she noticed that all of her cats were literally expanding like balloons. She wondered what the hell was up with her cats.
Then they all exploded.
___ ___ ___

“Susan, come on.” Fox said to her as they heard explosions going off at Ms. Seller’s house. ‘Let’s go see if she’s okay.” He said, then he headed out the door, and Susan followed.
“I’ll be with you guys in a minute,” Frank shouted out to Fox and Susan. “I want to check up on Gloria first.”
Frank opened up the door to the bedroom, and as soon as he turned on the lights, he saw two things.
First off, Gloria was lying on the ground, her throat cut, and she had obviously been dead for quite some time, because the blood around her neck was crusting up.
The second thing that he saw was the door to door salesmen standing in the corner of the room, with a bloody knife in his hand, and a smile on his face.
“You bastard!” Frank said. And before he could say anything else, the salesmen stabbed him in the heart, and threw him to the ground.
___ ___ ___

The Evens were walking back to their house, after recently discovering Ms. Baker, her cats, and her house, all blown up in pieces.
“How could that bastard do such a thing to that poor old woman?” Susan said to fox. “Well, I don’t know.” responded Fox “But it makes me sick!”
At that moment, the salesmen appeared on one of the branches of a nearby tree. He had a knife in hand, and he chucked it towards Susan. “Susan, look out!” Fox shouted as he grabbed her, and pulled her out of harms way as the knife went flying by, missing her by mere inches. It landed on the sidewalk.
“Damn,” he said. “Damn it, damn it, damn it. Why won’t you just die?” the salesmen said to her.
“Fuck you!” Susan shouted up at him. “You fucking maniac! Why won’t you leave us the hell alone?” “I’ve had enough of this shit.” Fox said angrily. “No more fucking games. Why don’t you bring your ass over here, and see what happens!”
“Certainly pal.” He said to fox. Then, he jumped off the tree branch, and landed onto the ground below, about ten feet away from Fox. “I’m scared Fox.” Susan said to Fox, as she gripped his right arm. “Don’t worry,” he responded. “I’ll take care of him.”
The salesmen slowly walked towards them, one step at a time. Fox quickly pulled out a magnum handgun, and fired two shots at him. But he moved superhumanly fast, and avoided them. So fast, that it appeared as if he was a blur. Then, he moved with that super human quickness again, and ran up, slapped the gun out of Fox’s hand, and kicked him into a nearby mailbox. “Catch me if you can!” the salesmen said as he jumped into the air, and went thru the Evans attic window.
Susan ran over to Fox, who was crouched over the mailbox. “Fox, are you alright?” “I’m fine damn it.” He said angrily. “Let’s just go after him.” “Are you sure that your alr-” “I already fucking told you,” he said, interrupting her. “I’m fine. Now, let’s go get him.” “He went into our attic.” She said to him, as they ran up their front stairs, and entered their house.
They ran up to the second story hallway, and stopped when they saw the smoke coming from the closed attic door, and creepy green light shining thru the cracks of the door. “Are you ready Susan?” Fox said. “Hell ya,” she responded. “I was born ready.” They both rushed towards the door, and Fox kicked it down. What they saw frightened them.
The green light was all around the room. As if it was some ominous presence. The salesman was floating up in the air. Arms spread, black hair flowing wildly around. His eyes glowed bloody red as he stared them down. Then all of a sudden, he brought his hands close together, and clapped them violently as he said, “Let it all end!” And Fox tried to cover his eyes and yelled out “No!” The room lit up bright yellow as the salesmen brought his hands together. And then, for Fox Evans, everything went black.
___ ___ ___

Fox awoke to find himself strapped up in some bed, in a padded room. Doctors were surrounding him. “Where’s Susan at?” he shouted violently. “Where in the hell am I?” “Mr. Evans just calm down.” Said one of the nurses. “I said, were in the fuck am I?”
“I believe that I can answer your questions.” said a short balding doctor. “Your wife’s dead, and your in a mental hospital.” “What?” Fox said.
“Let me start from the beginning Mr. Evans, so that you might better understand what is going on. You probably think the year is 2006 when it is actually 2016. You see, for reasons unknown, you killed your wife and all of your neighbors ten years ago, in 2006.”
“After your trial, you were deemed insane by a court of law, and sent here, to “sunny dispositions mental hospital”. On that fateful day one of our new interns tried to inject you with a sedative to calm you down. But he unfortunately injected you with the wrong medicine. And it messed your brain up bad, real bad.”
“And ever since then, you will have a brain spasm every month or so, causing you to go into a short coma. Which usually erases your memory, and creates delusions of how your wife and neighbors died?”
“Wait a minute,” Fox said. “Wait just one damned minute. That was no dream, no illusion. He was real.”“Listen Fox, I know whatever you thought up might seem real. But you gotta trust me, it’s not.”
“We’ve gone thru this a hundred times before with you, and it all just came from your imagination. The last time this happened, mutant space carrots killed your neighbors, raped your wife, and impregnated her with half human, half carrot hybrids. And the time before that, space traveling silverware cooked your neighbors up for a great big galactic stew!
“And as if that wasn’t enough craziness for one person to handle, there was one occasion were your neighbors and wife were killed by invading aliens who appeared to be giant blue question marks!” “I know what I saw!” shouted Fox. “I know what I saw damn it!” “Nurse, sedate his crazy ass!” The nurse grabbed a large needle filled with some liquid, and injected it into Fox’s right forearm.
The effects began to occur almost immediately. And right before he fully drifted out of consciousness, Fox saw one of the doctors walk by the outside door, and smile at him thru the small glass window in the center of the door. And he somehow looked familiar to fox. He looked like…an insurance salesman.

© Copyright 2018 mth91. All rights reserved.

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