i miss you daddie

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic
I'm so sorry dad, I never wanted any of this to happen...

This is just a small little part of when my father passed away, a day before his birthday. He knew I liked to read a lot, and he knew I liked to write, this is just a small little dedication for him.. To remember him, I guess.

I love you dad, I'll see you soon.

Submitted: August 04, 2010

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Submitted: August 04, 2010

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It was that day. That day, I feel like I made the worst decision of my life. If I had bothered to stay with him, rather than my sister, he wouldn't be dead right now. It was that day, my sister went berserk, for whatever reason, I completely forgot. She and my dad always fought. This time, she argued so much with him. I miss him so much right now... She argued with him, and I went to my sister's side, so she could start being nicer to me... Instead of neglecting me, her little sister. I feel so bad, i'm so sorry daddie... I never wanted you dead.
I went with her, our mom picked us up, and for the next month, we heard nothing from him. No phone calls, nothing from my dad. My mom decided to call him, see what's going on. And she found out, over the phone, that he was sick, that he was diagnosed with liver cancer. That day, was just a normal day. She took my sister and I to the small little kitchen we had. And she was crying. She told us, that he was sick. And that it was very serious, I was so worried... After she talked to us aboutt him, I called him, for the first time in a month. He sounded so weak, I still remember hearing his voice... He sounded so weak, not like the strong daddie he was before...
We started visiting him more, the first time was weird.. It was awkward, but I remembered, I made everything the same, I pretended as if nothing happened, and that we've been seeing him all the time the whole month. I miss him so much... We kept on staying with him more, and he got worse... I remember the days... He had to stay in the hospital for so long...
I remember, mom, telling us he had only one week to live.. That's what the English doctors said, but we didn't tell my dad, we didn't want him to feel weak, to give up so easily... In those days, I was so scared... I wanted to cry everytime I saw him, from then on. A week passed, and he was still strong, he was still living. I was so glad he was still living... I didn't know what I would've, or could've done if he had died right then and there...
I visited him everyday, even the days it was snowing, the days my sister didn't want to go... I miss him so much right now, I wish he had gotten better... The day he died... I remember it all, I was sleeping, my mom burst into my room, saying something, I couldn't hear what she said, I only heard "father", and I immediately got worried... It was aroudn 1:30am that time.. It was December 11th, 2005, early in the morning, and we all got into the car... My mom.. Was speeding so fast.. I was so tired... For a moment during the car ride, I thought my father was alive and well, that everything would've been okay... But I was wrong, I was so worried the whole time in the car, then we got to the hospital. My mom was crying so hard.. We practically ran past the security guard, it was horrible, it was all a rush.
Then we were right in front of his room door. We burst through, and we saw my dad's girlfriend, just sitting there. No red eyes, no puffy nose. Nothing. She was a fake, a total gold digger. I hate her. I just don't "dislike" her, I hate her to her guts, for being so cruel, not even crying, when she was there when my dad died... My uncle was next to my father, saying something to him, praying to him, it looked as if my father was just sleeping on the bed, his eyes opened. Somewhat of a smile on his face... I cried so hard that night. I was only 10, and when my grandparents came into the room, my dad's girlfriend started crying like crazy... She was a total fake.. She wailed like a whale... And everyone could hear, she wasn't really crying... It was all a show...

I even remember my father, days before he passed away, he told me in Chinese, to be a good girl, to stay in school, to protect my family, to be good to my mom, to be good to my sister, I miss him so much... I love you so much dad... Why did you have to go? 

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