My Darling Samantha

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Memoir  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is a small story about my daughter who was born severley handicapped and how it affected me.

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MY DARLING SAMANTHA

Looking into the depth of my heart where did you go. Looking up to the ocean of sea blue skies My Darling Samantha I feel you’re looking down protecting me as I did you. I remember your skin as soft as a new born. Your hair long shining full bodied like a trunk of a beach tree. Your eyes shined like diamonds so beautiful Yet your body so fragile like a porcelain doll. If you were to be dropped you would break.

You looked to me for your life your existence all I could do is what my inner thoughts told me. I nursed you like a baby for all of your 9 and half years. I fought as you fought for your precious life. Another day in hospital bringing you nearer to the skies above, I would pray and cry and wish I were you, so I could fight another bout of pneumonia for you.

The fear inside the touch of your skin your simple breathing for life itself my heart went to you so many times. You and I faced this journey together we fought. You taught me the patience of life. I cared and loved you beyond life itself, to keep you here with me. Sometimes a little smile would appear on you face, or you would try in your own world to let me know the pain and suffering, you sometimes went through, yet my darling Samantha you were never alone.

I reflect on your most precious short life, the achievements you showed yet with no guidance. I remember that first step you took in your small baby walker it had four silver legs a blue seat to hold your small body, the strength it must of taken for you to complete that, however another bout of pneumonia took that small miracle from you, more medication to help keep those dreaded fits from making you suffer even more.

Yet there was joy when we went to sea side you smiled and look around, the first time I placed you in the sea the coldness on your body the shock to your system, yet after that you seem to enjoy the ripples of the waves as they reach you. Bath time was a favourite of yours maybe the freedom of clothes and the soft warm water. It was difficult to understand your feelings some times. Yet how I loved you and I suffered as you did. The hours I sat with you laying in my arms feeding you carefully as I could, so the tea did not go down to your lungs and the times you would spit a meal at me as to say “I don’t want that get me something else” which is exactly what I did.

Together you and I learnt we had a special bond, I would sense your fear and try to overcome it with love from deep within side me. You would be asleep at night in your small cot, I would awake suddenly from a deep sleep only to find as I approached your cot you having another fit, I coped best I could to help you, I waited, cuddle you, prayed for you, till the breathing turned back to normal.

Give you up to an institution that was never to be over my dead body.You did not ask to come into this world unable to talk hear or learn the skills of communication.

However you developed your own world your own special ways I tried to understand sometimes I did. Yet with all of your strength being taken from you through the years, I knew the day would come when you would leave me with only memories. The times in hospital over the years the oxygen tents you were fighting. I would be at home trying to sleep waiting for the phone to ring. I lived in a world of fear of losing you what would my life be without you yet it didn’t happen that way.

To find you that morning lying in your new bed lifeless, was devastating. I remember your pale white face peaking beyond the sheets, cuddling you, still being able to feel the warmth of your body where the cover had kept you warm.

My Daring Samantha life goes on, yet when you left me part of me went with you, I MISS YOU MY DARLING SAMANTHA no more fighting for life just peace for you and memories for me. I truly know the GIFT OF LOVE altbecause you gave it and LEFT IT WITH ME.


Submitted: September 07, 2007

© Copyright 2022 mum55. All rights reserved.

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Comments

lady clarissa

i am deeply moved by your sorrowful story and my heart goes out to you and urs, my prayers are with u also .. this must have been tough to share but u are a courageous and brave woman and ur daughter would be proud of that 2 day... ur an inspiration to many i am a mother also and i can only imagine ur suffering nevertheless memories are the best keepsake of all...

Fri, September 7th, 2007 7:51pm

Author
Reply

Thankyou for your kind words i found writing this peice of work very difficult but am now please i did thankyou again
juliet

Sat, September 8th, 2007 10:45am

Myke 247

Your story is deep yet splendid in its simplicity. I am glad that you shared this piece as it is too heartfelt to be shut up within yourself. I am sure your daughter is every bit as proud of you today as you are of her, and she being looked after by an angel with your face.

Fri, September 7th, 2007 8:00pm

Author
Reply

Thankyou for your touching comments it was quite a difficult peice to write but am glad i did thankyou once again

Sat, September 8th, 2007 10:48am

brinsley

You have given us the poetry of your joined souls.

Fri, September 7th, 2007 8:47pm

Author
Reply

Thankyou for you comments it was a difficult peice of work to write but i am glad i did thankyou once again

Sat, September 8th, 2007 10:49am

angel777

im sorry you had to go through such pain in order to write something so beautiful and profound your samantha was a brave and beautiful little girl and your gift of writing is a wonderful way of keeping her alive in your heart mind and soul god bless

Thu, October 18th, 2007 12:37am

Author
Reply

Thankyou so much Angel everyone has been so nice to me It is nive to know others care even though they did not know her thankyou deeply once again for your touching words Take care Juliet

Thu, October 18th, 2007 8:27am

Philip H20s

Made my heart skip fast while reading and brought tears to my ears. I had the pleasure of knowing Samantha and still cherrish the memories I have. I remember her being frail but she also had a strong look in her eyes, I always felt she would live a long time due to that strength. Well written Juliette...

Sun, October 28th, 2007 9:49am

Author
Reply

Thankyou for your heart felt words take care juliet

Sun, October 28th, 2007 12:02pm

JoKa

I just read about your sweet Samantha...I have no words...only tears in my eyes...

Evelyn (JoKa)

Sat, November 24th, 2007 3:08am

Author
Reply

Thankyou Evelyn Samantha was my life for 9and half years the Drs told me after she had died, that she only lived as long as she did through my dedicated care. Still we all know losing a loved one is very painfull take care Juliet

Sun, November 25th, 2007 6:57pm

snowbelle

i cried as i read this. what a moving tribute to your daughter.
thank you.
snowbelle

Fri, December 28th, 2007 3:19pm

Author
Reply

I am sorry this made you cry but i also cried while writing it but i belive she is happy in the heavens above thankyou for your kind words Juliet

Fri, December 28th, 2007 11:27am

lilypad1

Juliet, This is such a beautiful and moving story. My heart goes out to you and your family for the terrible loss of your darling Samantha. I can not even begin to imagine how strong you must have been to be able to write this. An absolutely beautiful story. Peace and Love in your heart xxx

Sun, February 3rd, 2008 12:08am

Author
Reply

Thankyou Lilypad it was difficult but my love in my heart for her keeps me strong and able to love life and thats the gift she left me with Take Care and thankyou Juliet

Mon, February 4th, 2008 11:44am

Dutchess Dragonfly

Juliet what can I say this was absolutly butiful, it brought a tear to my eye it was hard reading your pain, I feel so much for you and the loss of your beautiful little girl Samantha.Thankyou for sharing this beautiful peice with all of us, sometimes it helps just to let it all out.

Wed, March 12th, 2008 2:42pm

Author
Reply

Hi Dutchess ..... Samantha was a special gift i know now lent to me...yet her short life taught me so much...i miss her but her memories are hear with me everyday,,thankyou so much for your kind comments....Take care Til Later Juliet

Thu, March 13th, 2008 5:01pm

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