Pandora's Small List of Rules That Might Keep You (And Me) Alive

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Well, not much more I can add. A small list of how to survive, the rules (or at least tips). Enjoy?

Submitted: December 17, 2010

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Submitted: December 17, 2010



Rule Number One: Never trust someone the first time you meet them. Never.

I made this rule for a simple reason, warewolves. Now, in human form you cannot tell if they are one or not. Well, if you are a human at least. Us vampires are a bit different but back to the original story. When human, they seem to be just like you, maybe even a bit nicer than most people. (There are the ones who just have a crazed look in their eyes. And when you meet that gaze, you should run away. Immediatley.)

So, as a human you are two things to them. A food source and great amuzment. You are entertainment because they know what they are and yet you have no idea. So, they mess with your mind. If it is an attractive male warewolf and you happen to be a female, they may seem interested in you and try to woo you. If you are the same gender, they try to act as if they want to be friends. And so on and so forth. Get the general idea? They try to pull you into their death trap. I would imagine that the other one is self explanitory but I feel like rambling on (just in case you do not put two and two together). Food. Warewolves love to eat. And human is considered a delicacy among the lovely wares. If they are newlings, they tend not to go after humans for some odd reason. Which is good for you right? Well, as they mature, they either become one of two things. Either crazy (in which they kill anything and anyone they please) or smart (could not think of a better term but it means that they know how to blend and act). Wares, they are dangerous.

Rule Number Two: Vampires are no better. Never trust them.

Us vampires are not exactly merciful though we do try to spare lives. Generally. Sometimes, if we have been starved, we will feast happily upon you mortals and accidently kill someone. We are not usually like that. We take a little bit of blood here and there to substain us, but the human we fed on should live. So, I guess we are okay compared to wares... But beware right?

And a sub-topic for this rule, vampires vs. vampyrs. Vampires, we suck the blood and blend in well because we look like everyone else, except a bit too pale. Vampyrs are easy to pick out. Their skin turn a light orange or purple color and their eyes turn different colors. The whites of the eye becomes black and the iris becomes blood red. Overall, very easy to pick out. Vampires feast little by little, not generally killing unless for the reason stated above. Vampyrs do not care about you humans. They feed and kill everyone they feed on and usually feed on two to three humans in a single feed. We do not even need blood from one whole human to survive. They gorge themselves and therefore, their skin and eyes change due to that.

Rule Number Three: If you are caught in a fight between a vampire and vampyr, hide.

The reason why you should hide is to give us vampires an advantage. Since a vampyr has no idea how to control their cute little sniffers, they will start chasing you and not caring about the real threat. Unless you want to die, distract the damn thing so we can do our job and kill it for you. You might even be unharmed in the process!

Uh, not to scare you but we have lost humans this way...

Rule Number Four: We love to go on dates, so please, ask us out. Please.

Well, we may seem like heartless beasts but really, we are all just looking for pets to have around to keep us from getting lonley. So please, ask a vampire out today. We are looking for someone to talk to, someone to perhaps pay the bill after dinner (we eat and drink like normal humans) and someone to keep around when all hell breaks loose. Maybe you even have our gene in you in which you would go through some simple tests before being one of us! And then you can join us in never ending misery till you get beheaded! (The ways a vampire can die is a rule actually, you better read on vampire hunters...) So please, take out your local vampire today!

Rule Number Five: We die. Horribly. Spare us.

You may think vampires can heal from any wound that a mortal would otherwise die from. MYTH. We die. We have a bit more... Strength to us I guess is the best way to put that. But we can die from a severe would. Such as being slashed across the stomach to where our insides fall out on the ground. We will die. Sliced throat, we die if deep enough (so basically, we die no matter what for this). Garlic is not a good way to try to ward of off. It has no effect, we actually put it on most of our food. Crosses, no effect. Stakes... Okay, get one of those things rammed through your heart and live. Thought so.

Newer technology (e.g. guns and bombs) will tear us to shreds if hit in the right places. Bombs, they blow shit up, if you can live as a mortal, you will live as a vampire but if a mortal is blown the fuck to pieces, a vampire would be as well. We are not invincible, so stop trying to make it that way.


Think you know these simple rules? Well, they are more like tips... Then you are set to go out in the real world. Remember to look out for danger for we lurk in every corner. And we are actually probably right behind your door, watching you now as you read this and think we are not real. And you will probably get drowzy real soon. And by real soon I mean right about now....Delicious.

Thanks for Reading,


Pandora's Small List of Rules That Might Keep You Alive. Might.

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