Spiders and Butterfly

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Will Chelsy ever find the right true love or remain broken and shattered into pieces?

Submitted: October 20, 2011

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Submitted: October 20, 2011

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Spider and Butterfly 
I have lost my way. I was broken. I was in pain. I couldn’t do anything but to struggle from grief that I am feeling now. I wanted to be set free but I couldn’t. I couldn’t forget him. I still think of him. I still hear the music that he used to sing for me. I could still hear his voice on my head. I was happy when I did not meet him. I used to smile everyday. I used to cherish my day every time I wake up. 
 
But then one day when I woke up… My room was such a mess. The clothes were just around the corner of the room. It was on the bed, on the floor or even on the table. I even woke up late and didn’t care about the time… It was already 7:00 in the morning. I have to go to school at 9 am to work. But I was lazy to get up. I looked up the ceiling and tried to remember what happened last night. 
 
“Oh, did I just drink?” I asked myself. I thought again… “Yeah, I drank because of him… I drank because! I wanted to forget him. I wanted to erase him on my head. I wanted to… but I couldn’t!" I shook my head and I search for my mobile phone to look at the time. It was 7:15 am. Still my mind was filled with bitterness and heartaches. Since I met him my world became different. It was all grief and regrets. Then I looked up again the ceiling. I just covered myself with my blanket and began to have a deep sleep… 
 
Did I really lose my way? Am I broken? Am I in pain? I’m here again sitting where I should not supposed to be. I was surrounded with tables along with bottles and glasses of beer and cigarettes. I was sitting in the middle of the bar near the counter. The bar was full-packed since it was Friday. The light’s bar was dull and has very loud video karaoke.  I was with my two friends. They are Daniel and Tree. I just offered them something to drink. We talked some time and asked me why I am drinking. They were even shocked when they saw me going inside the bar. They are my friends until now. They are always there by my side whenever I am feeling down. They make jokes and tease me in order to make me happy. But still my heart still remains in pain. No matter how many jokes they make no matter how many funny faces they are going to show me. It will not work out for me.  I already drank 2 bottles of beer and I’m still with my senses. I went to the counter and I ordered again another one glass of beer. Then to my surprise, someone was singing. He was one of the waiters. He has just had such a beautiful voice. Then I just remembered “him…” I just stared at the singer with my eyes. It just only reminds me of the guy whom I used to love who used to be a singer also. I kept on looking at him. He also glanced at me and put a sweet smile on his face. He was a little bit busy of serving the customers of that bar so he did not have the time to entertain me. Then another guy just gave my order and offered me one pail of ice so that I would not be drunken he told me. I smiled and thanked him. “You just looked like my ex.” He told me. I just glared at him and said “I am the only Chelsy on this world.” He just became silent and asked for my number then I just gave it without any second thoughts. This time I’m starting to lose my senses. I tried to check Daniel and Tree. They looked fine for me and so I just left them behind and stayed on the counter. Daniel and Tree were trying to call me to go back in our table. But I was hard-headed. I still stayed there. Then the guy who served me a beer began the conversation. He asked for my name and asked why I am drinking. Then I just said, “Just a problem.” “Boy?” he asked. I just nodded and kept on drinking until the last dropped of my beer. I ordered again another bottle of beer but my friends attempted to stop me but it didn’t work out. I continued drinking and drinking until I had the strong confidence to ask the guy who sang. “Are you a vocalist?” I asked. “Yes I used to be when I was in high school.” Then the conversation went on and they were four guys managing the bar. “My name is Chelsy, I introduced my self to them. The guy who served me with the bottle of beer was Jerome, the person who sang his name was Jimmy and the other two persons were Anton and Jericho. I was about to finished my last beer. Suddenly, Jimmy asked me to drink with them. And I said positively yes! But Daniel and Tree stopped me and grabbed me to leave the place. “I’ll be back! I promised! ” I said to them. Daniel and Tree guided me to go to another bar near to that place. It was also crowded and almost customers were standing there. But it was good that we found a place to sit. I felt numbness and wanted to act wildly. I was unconsciously talking to other people which are strangers. “You don’t look like drinking alcohol.” It was a guy next to our table said it. “I used to drink coffee before but now, I feel like drinking alcohol…maybe because of a boy.” I said. “You know, boys are not worth crying for…” He told me. “So you are a boy, so you are not crying for?” I asked. I didn’t hear his answer. I just kept on nodding and pretending that I understand but actually I don’t understand because of intoxicating alcohol. Then I got his number and save it to my mobile phone. After a short conversation, he asked me to dance but I didn’t want to. Tree convinced me to dance with him. “If you really want to, go dance! Chelsy!” Then I took the hands of the guy, then he led me to the dance floor however, when I saw the stage, I was surprised… it was Jimmy who was singing on the stage. So I stopped and didn’t continue to go to the dance floor. I went to the comfort room and began to wash my face. I thought Jimmy was waiting for me. Then again when I went out I just saw their table. Since I have the guts, I went towards to their table… “Hey! We thought we are going to have some drinking.” They shouted. “My friends didn’t want me to.” I apologized. “It’s okay! No problem.” Let’s drink here!” Consequently, I drank with them and enjoyed myself with their company without minding that I have other company on the other side. I felt sorry for them but I still didn’t care. I just began dancing in the dance floor with the four guys. I first danced with Jerome, he said he like me but I frankly said that I didn’t like him and I like Jimmy. Then his face became sad so he stopped dancing with me and guided me to our table. Then Jimmy… he asked me to dance. We began another conversation. I asked him if he has girlfriend. He said he doesn’t have. He wants to make friends first. He just kept on dancing with me and I started to hug him. Then I felt he is trying to comfort me. I felt his care towards me. After we danced, Anton also asked me to dance it was the brother of Jimmy. He was looking forward for our relationship. Then Jericho, he was funny and cool. That bar already closed their dance floor. The dance floor was really good. I enjoyed it. After that dancing, we went to our table and continued drinking until I was losing my senses and getting black out. I was looking for Daniel and Tree, however they already left out. I felt sorry for them because I know it was my fault. I only cared for myself. Then again, Jimmy assisted me. He asked me to go to their bar again and have a rest there. Thus, we went there and continued to drink. I kept on drinking again it’s like the tomorrow will not come anymore. I did bottoms-up. My body started to feel loose and started to feel hallucination. I burst out crying. Jimmy tried to comfort me and ask me to rest. He made a space for me to sleep…
 
Unexpectedly, I didn’t know something was going to happen. He started to kiss me and touch my body. “You don’t like me, don’t do it.” I said.  But he was persistent and wanted to do it. He was kept on telling me that he like me. I couldn’t do anything but let him do it. I beg him not to leave me just like the other guys. 
 
“I won’t leave you, I’m just here…” He said. These are the words that the other boys told me before. They kept on saying things but they won’t do it. 
 
I have traveled so many ways. I flied so high but kept on falling on the wrong way. I traveled it so hard and lead me to a dangerous path. I never knew love. I was blinded to see the light.  So I just kept on falling on the wrong guys letting me trapped on their web. Until now, I always trap on a web which I supposed not to be trapped. But I hope someday somehow, someone will save me from these deadly traps and will lead me to the right way and let me fly again like a butterfly… 
 


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