January 6, 2013
Another 65 in Living Environment. One more day of unfocused behavior in my classes. I can't get the major distractions out of my head. The biggest one, Mom. She's back in the hospital. Again. She was unable to move around. Unable to stand and sit by herself... She had previosly had a stroke, about 2 years ago. That was really sad. she couldn't walk for a month. She had spent 3 days in a coma. I never want to go through that again. It's a scary thought to think that at any moment, she could die. And, personally, I'd be very devastated. I would do something terrible to myself, and I don't want to. I get thoughts. Bad ones. Like, killing myself, or thinking that my family is better off without me, but i realize it's not the case. I am a flamboyant mixture of emotions, I guess. I just hope she comes home soon.
January 10, 2013
Mom finally came home, but she isn't feeling so hot. She is doing the best of her ability to move around and stuff, but I keep telling myself she will get better. I spend time with her, making her chocolate milk, cooking food for her and my 5 other siblings. I haven't eaten, and yet my stomach isn't aching. I want t eat, but can't. She is my top priority right now. I massage her feet anytime I get the chance, I'll read her chapters from the Bible, because she is partially blind and can't really read. I clean the house so she doesn't have to. I do my best. I still am getting bad grades, but they are slightly better. Got a 73 in Living Environment. Yeah, not that great, but better than before.
January 15, 2013
I am learning the hard way that life is too short. I feel like it was just yesterday that Mom was chasing me around the house, now she is more and more sleepy. Anyone in my shoes would understand that, it's sort of sad to see someone you love change so drastically. I am worried that she is going to pass away, but I leave it in G*D's hands. I took her to church and I found out we are both getting baptized. It's about time! But, anywhom, I learned to finally cope with my feelings about her. I now know that what I must do is make it last. Our time together. It needs to be the most memorable time. Right here, right now.
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