Parents and Children

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The Buddha taught in the suttas (the oldest Buddhist texts) that it is not easy to repay your father and your mother for your "precious human birth." In fact, he specifies that even if you carried them on your shoulders for a century, taking good care of them, and allowing them to relieve themselves on you, you would still have a debt to them. Buddhism teaches to honor your parents. This goes back to the moral idea that your parents are your first teachers. You were blessed enough to have been given parents and you are to obey your parents because they are the first and only true human guardians on earth given to us by a higher power/supernatural being of this universe. (Obeying your parents is obeying Buddha, for the very reason stated above). Parents are the water fountains of life.

They are our precious gems. They are the sun and moon in our world, in our family. Father is the Sun and mother is the moon. They are light of the their children. As Buddhists, as well as grateful and faithful sons and daughters, we cannot think of a life without our parents. Buddha said, “Mata pitu upatthanam etam mangala muttamam” mean “looking after parents and supporting parents are a great blessing”. Having good parents, kind-hearted parents, is really a very great blessing to a family, a great fortune. We must never forget the importance of the gratitude of our parents. Maintaining family unity and close relationships between parents and children is the challenge and the responsibility of both parents and youth.

Submitted: July 30, 2014

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Submitted: July 30, 2014

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Parents and Children

(In honor of all father's days and mother's days across the world)

We must never forget the importance of the gratitude of our parents. Maintaining family unity and close relationships between parents and children is the challenge and the responsibility of both parents and youth. Family unity is maintained by sensitive and understanding communication between youth and parents. Each family member at home should be mutual respect and mutual responsibility.

As children age, they begin to assert their autonomy by making their own choices and accepting the consequences. As a parent, it can be difficult to respect your child's wishes, desires and choices, especially when you feel as though the child is incorrect. But before you put your foot down, consider the role respect plays in your parent-child relationship.

Many problems in the home are created because of the way we wrong communicate and react one to another. Parents who take time to explain and teach, who understand, who are sensitive to the needs of their children, and who communicate to their children that they do understand them help their children to be obedient. Both parent and children should be mutual understanding and mutual loving kindness.

Parents and youth alike should realize their responsibility to work toward a happy home. That is where the teaching of the Lord Buddha dwells and gives greater unity, purpose, and accomplishment to the entire family. Youth in today’s world have an exciting and challenging life, filled with activities, responsibilities, and desires that have an impact on their home.  One of the great family challenges is for parents to train and bring up a child in righteousness. In the process of righteous training, parents should allow their children to grow and develop in accordance with gospel principles.

The Buddha taught in the suttas (the oldest Buddhist texts) that it is not easy to repay your father and your mother for your "precious human birth." In fact, he specifies that even if you carried them on your shoulders for a century, taking good care of them, and allowing them to relieve themselves on you, you would still have a debt to them. Buddhism teaches to honor your parents. This goes back to the moral idea that your parents are your first teachers. You were blessed enough to have been given  parents and you are to obey your parents because they are the first and only  true human guardians on earth given to us by a higher power/supernatural being of this universe. (Obeying your parents is obeying Buddha, for the very reason stated above). Parents are the water fountains of life.

They are our precious gems. They are the sun and moon in our world, in our family. Father is the Sun and mother is the moon. They are light of the their children. As Buddhists, as well as grateful and faithful sons and daughters, we cannot think of a life without our parents. Buddha said, “Mata pitu upatthanam etam mangala muttamam” mean “looking after parents and supporting parents are a great blessing”. Having good parents, kind-hearted parents, is really a very great blessing to a family, a great fortune.

As Buddhists, whenever we get together and perform good deeds, valuable deeds, never forget our parents we commemorate the great virtues of our parents. Specially we commemorate the departed parents affectionately and respect and support our parents while they are alive. 

We should respect and support our parents while they are alive. There are some people in our society who try to respect their parents only after their deaths. While they are alive, no one is there to support them and treat them. Sometimes, they die without a sip of water. But right after that the children start to cry and weep and going from place to place build many kinds of monuments spending thousands or millions in their names. But that helps them only a very little. They have gone for good. For the departed ones there is only a very narrow opportunity to receive merit. Therefore, better to do it while alive, today, right now, do your own merit by yourself. 

This necessitates the establishment of guidelines and rules within the home. We can develop the ability to adjust to life’s situations by striving to determine what is right. Realize that if you treat parents and other family members as if they are what you would like them to be, they will become that way. Realize that when conflicts arise in the home, we must look at our own lives and talk through problems and solutions. When we spend our energies contending, we deprive ourselves of energies necessary to peacefully solve the problem. Only when you are in charge of self, when you have self-confidence and self-control, are you really free and able to assist in creating harmony in the home.

We see some children who dislike looking after their parents strive to find some excuses saying that they have no time. But when we were little ones our mother or father did not seek such excuses. However, those who seek loopholes are not regarded as truly grateful sons and daughters. This is not the way that we should respect and support our humble and simple parents especially at the time in need. If we are mindful enough we can perform many kinds of meritorious deeds such as generosity, morality and meditation on behalf of our parents while they are still with us and also after their passing away. This is also one of the moral duties of the children.  As the Buddha said, this will be certainly a great help for their journey.

Here it is necessary to understand how we, Buddhists, got this tradition? It is from the Buddha himself. The Buddha, the Self Awakened One, taught us how to treat our parents while they are alive and even after their demise. That is why we perform meritorious deeds in this manner.

We know so many people in the world who have gotten divorced, remarried and divorced again. It’s interesting what people say when they talk about their divorce. They focus on the fighting, the betrayals, and the lonely nights.

Stop Fighting In Front of the Kids

One of the reasons parents say that the kids are better off is because they are given only two options, “Do you want mommy and daddy to live together and fight, or would you rather we live apart and not fight?” The child may say, “I want you to live together and not fight.” It is at this time, the child is much wiser than the parents. The child is presenting a third option that the parents are blind to in their anger or unhappiness. The child understands that there are more options than fighting and splitting or living together and being miserable. As a parent, it’s normal to feel uncertain about how to give your children the right support through your divorce or separation. A child’s mind is very fragile. Each gesture of ours can turn enormous in a child’s eyes. So does a quarrel between his or her parents. When kids see their parents fighting, it may have an effect on their brain development. It's not news that kids who grow up in violent homes are more likely to become depressed, antisocial, or violent themselves.

For children, divorce can be stressful, sad, and confusing. At any age, kids may feel uncertain or angry at the prospect of mom and dad splitting up. As a parent, you can make the process and its effects less painful for your children. Helping your kids cope with divorce means providing stability in your home and attending to your children's needs with a reassuring, positive attitude. It won't be a seamless process, but these tips can help your children cope. When parents argue in front of children, it is one of the most stressful events of childhood.

Children from high conflict homes have a harder time learning to control their emotions. They are more prone to anger and violence. They may use a high conflict style to resolve problems with their peers, siblings or later in life when they become parents themselves.

Do you part to build to a happy home? Be cheerful, helpful and considerate of others. Many problems in the homes are created because families members speak are act selfishly (or) unkindly. Concern yourself with the needs of other family members. Seek to be a peacemaker rather than to tease, fight and quarrel.

Parents under any circumstances should avoid from quarreling, acting rudely, divorcing between themselves, threatening to get divorced occasionally, speaking very rudely. As these kinds of behaviour seriously hurt the feelings of the children, the parents should refrain from creating such scenes in front of them. The parents should be aware that if they keep on quarreling now and then, the children would feel isolated and insecure for their future and the health of their mind is threatened.

Naturally, the children yearn for kindness and love from their elders, parents and teachers, if they are loved, they also reciprocate similarly. They desire their family to have between parents and children, brothers and sisters, among sisters themselves.

Parents should provide love and care to their children all the time, should answer their queries with patience must be able to explain to them the do's and the don't s. It is also necessary to avoid being too disciplined, too, liberal, too favouring and to refrain from being extreme.

The parents should be patient with their children, they must teach their children with perseverance. They must be able to teach their children to understand the good and the bad, beginning right from the basics. If the parents themselves cannot be patient with their own, children then who else would be so. Good manners are something our parents and other adults usually teach us as a child.

Having good manners means showing honor and respect to everyone around you. It means being polite. It includes humility, humanitarian out look, compassion, loving kindness and understanding. Parents, teachers and other adults should always be examples of good manners. If adults are rude to children, then children will learn to be rude. If parents are impolite to each other, then children will learn to be impolite. If children hear one adult insulting another, they will learn to speak that ways, too.

There are three important things we must remember. Children confidences in their parents are very important. Children regard their parents as their heroes, powerful benefactors. Parents are highly regarded and their confidants. Parents should understand that their actions and what they say are regarded as examples by the children.

The parent's genes, the environmental situation, model character, behavior and qualifications etc should be example for their children. Thus, it is important that the parents should have good mind, good character, good behavior, good thinking, disciplined, law abiding and good mannered.

Don't say you can't control your anger. That's not true. It's that you don't control your anger. Have you had fights at your boss's house? You don't do it when you can't. The only person you control is you. Choose to control your anger. Stop fighting in front of the kids and children, please.

 

"......................Humility, forgiveness, sacrifice, tolerance and loving kindness are the noblest weapon to conquer with.........................."

 

What are these six things then?

In Buddhism, there are many principles that can be applied to everyday life. Because of this, Buddhism can be considered more of a philosophy of life and a lifestyle than it is a religious faith. Two of the most common principles are the “Eightfold Path” and the “Four Noble Truths.”

 

The Buddha emphasized the need of doing more and more good deeds in many a discourse and especially reiterated the significance of respecting and supporting parents. One such well-known discourse where he addressed to clarify some social issues is the Sigalovada Sutta.

One day, a certain young man having arisen early in the morning, went to the lake, immersed himself and then came out of the lake. With still wet hair and clothing, keeping his joined palms on his forehead, started to prostrate to the different directions of the world. He saluted the East, West, North, South, up and down; these six directions respectively. Seeing this meaningless and groundless salutation, the self Awakened One addressed him and said, “Young Friend, why do you get up so early in the morning and after having taken a bath, with wet hair and wet clothing salute these different directions? Then the young man said,“Ven. Sir, this is what my father said to me just before he closed his eyes. He asked me to pay homage to the six directions and that is what I do right here.”

Thereafter, the Self-Awakened one said, the salutation to these six directions in

the Noble One’s Dispensation is not like this. The young man then was interested and wanted to know the salutation of the Noble One’s Dispensation.  When asked, the Buddha disclosed the six directions. The Buddha said, “Young Friend, six things are to be regarded as six directions, not the six directions in the world. What are these six things then?

 

1) East: denotes parents,
2) South: denotes teachers
3) West: denotes wife, children including sons or daughters.
4) North: denotes friends,
5) Bottom: denotes servants or workers, and
6) Top: denotes the ascetics, monks or nuns.

 

According to Buddhism, these are the different categories of people in society. They are to be respected and treated well in a reciprocal manner. They have their own duties to be fulfilled towards each other. Once the duties are fulfilled, the society becomes a balanced and righteous one. So as the Buddha said, the East denotes Parents and its direct opposite the West denotes sons or daughters. They both in reciprocation should fulfill their duties towards each other. The Buddha recommended five duties to be accomplished by parents and in return, five duties to be accomplished by children towards their parents.  Let us now understand these duties and their moral obligations.

Once the Buddha compared parents to the Brahma, the creator; though actually, parents are the real creators and said, they created us. Here, in reference to parents the Buddha gave three epithets, three special terms, to be used to parents.

The Buddha said: “Monks, ‘Brahma’ is a special term to be used to parents, ‘pubb?cariya’ is a special term to be used to parents and ‘ahuneyya’ is a special term to be used to parents”.

 

Why did the Peerless One, the Buddha, give these three terms to be used to parents? In the time of the Buddha, in India, people believed that all beings were created by Brahma, the creator. So the people performed various kinds of sacrifices, at times killing thousands of animals and putting more and more ghee into the fire to propitiate this invisible God, Brahma. The Buddha’s compassionate advices for the people in that time was to consol and respect the Brahma at home. The Brahma at home is none other than your mother and your father. That is how the Buddha put the parents on the very top position in society. The Buddha gave them the best place in that society.  Here it is necessary to understand this concept of Brahma a little further.

According to Buddhism, there are 16 Brahma worlds where there are thousands of Brahmas. They are those who practiced meditation, mainly the meditation on the four sublime abodes. The four are: loving friendliness (metta), compassion (karuna), appreciative joy (mudita), and equanimity (upekkha). All those Brahmas have these four qualities. The Buddha, the Self Awakened One, knew very well that all parents have these four qualities. That is why the Buddha compared parents to brahm?. So how can we understand that all parents have these great qualities? All parents have these four great qualities not towards all but towards their children. When a child is in mother’s womb they both have loving friendliness (metta), after child’s birth they never allow anyone to harm the child, even to a mosquito to sit on the child. In this manner they have compassion (karuna), when the child is growing and becomes a young individual they have appreciative joy (mudita), and when the young man or young lady got married and was living separately, perhaps away from them, the parents have equanimity (upekkha).  In order to illustrate this further I would like to give an anecdote.

So let us now understand why parents are to be called pubbacariya. Pubbacariya means pre-teachers or first teachers. Our parents are the first teachers of our lives and they have taught us many things. From a very young age, they taught us how to rise, how to walk, how to talk, how to sit, how to eat, how to drink, how to wear clothing, how to comb our hair and brush teeth, and even how to sleep.  That is why we should respect and support them as our first teachers in this life.

As most of us know well, in the Blessing discourse, the Buddha recommended 38 kinds of blessing where the Buddha said, “pujaca pujaniyanam etam mangalam uttamam” which means; honour, respect, to those who are worthy to be respected. For Buddhists first and foremost they respect the Buddha, Dhamma and the Sangha, the Triple gem; right after that they respect their parents because they are certainly worthy to be respected, worthy of any offerings.

Friends, if we are mindful enough and become more concern about others we can understand that everybody can look after his or her parents. Unfortunately, only a few in societies do they want to look after them, respect and support them. For that also one should have developed good qualities such as love, compassion, and generosity.  Those who have such qualities are called sappurisa, true friends who have basically three characteristics:

1. Always think to do good things

2. Always talk to do something good

3. Always do what is good

Importantly, such a good person is always ready:

1. to respect & support his /her parents,
2. Respect & support the teachers and adults.
3. His speech is pleasant and uses word, which is dear to the ear and heart.
4. He/she never backbites.
5. He/she is generous.
6. He/she speaks what is truth.
7. He/she is with full of
Metta (loving friendliness).

When we contemplate this further we can understand clearly that those who think positively and understand things correctly come to the decision to support parents. This right understanding is very much significant. This is what we call Samm? ditthi, right understanding (or) right views. This is the first step of the Noble Eight fold Path. Those who have wrong understanding or wrong views can never think in this manner. There are ten wrong views:

1. There is no good result of giving.
2. There is no good result of offering.
3. There is no good result of performing some sacrifices.
4. There are no fruits, no results of doing good karma(kamma) or bad karma(kamma).
5. There is no other existence of beings to come to be reborn in this world.
6. For those living here there are no other world systems to be reborn again.
7. There is no result of supporting and respecting mother.
8. There is no result of supporting and respecting father.
9. There are no spontaneous beings in the world.
10. There are no ascetics and recluses who have developed mind and reach the highest levels of holy life.

 

There are two people who are not easy to repay about their gratitude.

Love your parents and treat them with love and care. Once our Lord Buddha said, “Monks there are two persons who cannot be reimbursed/paid back. They are the mother and father”.

 

The Buddha further said, Suppose, monks, there is a son who lives 100 years and keeps his mother on his one shoulder and the father on his other shoulder."

He treats them well while they are there on his shoulder, does everything for them. Gives them food and drinks, medicine, bath, toilet facilities and cleans all up, and rubbing their body and everything on the shoulder. But the Buddha said, “Monks even though he or she has completed his/her duty in this manner, not yet accomplished. If one would give the state of universal monarch to them is not yet accomplished their duties. But the Buddha said, if one’s mother or father has no faith (saddha), if the son or daughter could establish her/him on saddh? and if mother or father has no morality (sila), and the son or daughter could establish them on morality, if the mother or father is not generous (caga) and the son or daughter establishes them in wisdom (panna) then of cause they have accomplished their duties towards their parents.

So when we think of our own parents, since they were in the cradle of Buddhism in Asia, they are really lucky that they had full of confidence (saddha), we know very well that our parents observed morality (sila) whenever possible. They have practiced generosity (dana) throughout their lives. They must have given things [if heaped them up] even higher than their height. And they have practiced meditation as far as they have understood it to develop their wisdom (panna).  Thus, in brief, they have done various kinds of meritorious deeds. Even the merit that we transfer to them is not that important to them.

However, as grateful sons and daughters, it is our duty to perform good deeds and share merit with our departed parents.  Therefore, let us all together get together and share the merit that we have already accrued and wish them success of their Samsaric journey(Sa?sara) and eventually attain the state of

imperturbable bliss of Nibbana (Nirvana)!
 

“Ministering to mother is a very pleasant thing and
ministering to father is very pleasant thing in the world.”

(Dhammapada.332)

So Let us all understand the significance of respecting and supporting parents in this manner and let us all respect and support our parents while they are alive and extend our good thoughts meritorious deeds towards them after their passing away.

The Buddha, as a greatest teacher of human and gods is worthy of honor, the Dharma that his teaching and the Sangha that is the holy community of monks is both worthy of respect and honor. Teachers, elders and those who are higher in prestige than oneself are to be honored and respected. To attend closely to one’s parents is the highest blessing. Here, attending closely to one’s parents’ means ministering their duties, making them happy and healthy. To listen to each and every piece of advice given by parents, teachers and elders and to do as advised is the highest blessing. To pay respect to those who are worthy of respect is a noble blessing. One shows respect by making way for them, by bending one’s back on passing in front of them, kneeling when offering things, receiving things by both hands, by offering them a seat when traveling on a bus or train, by sitting in a lower place than theirs, humbling oneself in times of admonishment.


Whoever abides by rules of blessings like humility, gratitude, leading a chaste life, shunning sins, choosing a blameless vocation, and many more, overcomes all difficulties and oppositions in life and will gain success and prosperity in the present life as well as in future lives. These rules of conduct according to the discourse of the blessings are called the highest auspiciousness because they bring success and prosperity to all who follow them. Parents must be regarded as the most superior beings on earth.

 

Parents are the first teachers and are worthy of offerings. Our parents are not just parents like the way most of us think. They are even more important than we imagine. Because we are born with ignorance, we need people who are “Pubbacariya”, (or) first teachers, to guide us through the dark world. Our parents introduce us to this triple world. It might be interesting to see that most of us were taught how to eat, drink, speak, walk, and sit by our parents. Distinguishing between family members and friends is taught to children by parents. Not only did they teach us to distinguish good from bad, but also respect from disrespect, and love from hatred. Before a child leaves where he belongs, most of what he already knows is because of his or her parents; therefore they are called Pubbacariya.

 

Children are to be obedient to their parents. Living with those worthy of gifts are those families where, in the home, mother & father are revered by the children. 'Brahma' is a designation for mother & father. 'The first Devas' is a designation for mother & father. 'The first teachers' is a designation for mother & father. 'Those worthy of gifts' is a designation for mother & father. Why is that? Mother & father do much for their children. They care for them, nourish them, introduce them to this world. 

 

“Mother & father, compassionate to their family are called Brahma, first teachers,

those worthy of gifts from their children.
 

So the wise should pay them homage, honor with food & drink, clothing &

bedding, anointing & bathing, & washing their feet.
 

Performing these services to their parents, the wise are praised right here

and after death rejoice in heaven”.

Love your parents and treat them with love and care.

 

Christian Bible said about parents and children

Here is some list of Bible verses that talk about parenting, child instruction, mothers and fathers. Leave me a comment if I’ve left off your favorite. The 10 commandments say "honor thy Father and Mother".

 

Luke 2:48-52

And when his parents saw him, they were astonished. And his mother said to him, “Son, why have you treated us so? Behold, your father and I have been searching for you in great distress.” (49) And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” (50) And they did not understand the saying that he spoke to them. (51) And he went down with them and came to Nazareth and was submissive to them. And his mother treasured up all these things in her heart. (52) And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man. 

Colossians 3:20

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

Ephesians 6:1-4

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Exodus 20:12

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that

The Lord your God is giving you.

Exodus 21:15-17

(15) “Whoever strikes his father or his mother shall be put to death.

(16) “Whoever steals a man and sells him, and anyone found in possession of him, shall be put to death.

(17) “Whoever curses his father or his mother shall be put to death.

 

The Bible says that Jesus Christ, "was subject unto them: but his mother kept all these sayings in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and in stature and in favor with God and man" Luke 2, verses 51, 52. Christ was obedient to his parents. His affection and respect for his mother was manifested from the cross. He was concerned about her care and well-being. He gave this responsibility to the beloved Apostle John (John 19:25-27). You shall always be children in the eyes of your parents and in the eyes of the Lord. Your response to the commandment, "Obey your parents" and "Honor your father and your mother", will be a pretty good yardstick measuring how well you will obey your Lord and give Him honor through faithful worship.

The child's responsibility is a lifetime achievement, an achievement that will be richly blessed in all walks of life. In the words of Ephesians Chapter 6, it is the first commandment with promise.

 

We love our parents

“You gave me life; you gave me your heart and your shoulder when I needed to cry…..You give me hope, when all my hope is gone and you gave me wings so my dreams can fly... You gave me your words, you gave me your voice, you gave me your everything, each breath of your life…You are the best thing that ever happened in my entire life coz without you; I wouldn't bless to come in this world. You were there whenever I need help and support, you teach my faith to survive and be a good person! Believe me, if I haven't stop talking about how precious you are to me until tomorrow... that won't be good enough to make you see how I do appreciate it...But all I can say which I hope you would believe every word I say because I mean it in every sense of word that my love for you will live in my heart until eternity is through and I thank you for everything you've done to me”.

Our parents are the ones who brought us in the World. We should love and appreciate them as much as we can because one day they will be gone.

Our parents are the ones who brought us in the World. We should love and appreciate them as much as we can because one day they will be gone.  Parents send us to school because children need to learn and school is the place where professional educators are.

 

Our Parents taught us about MORALITY

Our Parents taught us about HONESTY.

Our Parents taught us about do the BEST.

Our Parents taught us about LOGICAL ARRANGEMENT.

Our Parents taught us about SELF CONTROL.

Our Parents taught us about RELIGION.

Our Parents taught us about DILLIGENCE.

Our Parents taught us about WISDOM.

Our Parents taught us about JUSTICE.

Our Parents taught us about TRUTH.

Our Parents taught us about POLITENESS.

 

Parents prepare your children for good intimate relationships later in life and to help parents teach them about social relationships. The following ideas will help:

1. Teach your children to take good care of their bodies.

2. Teach your children how intimate relationships differ from other kinds of relationships.

3. Teach your children to accept and understand that basic differences between men and women are complementary in nature. To understand their role identity, children need to understand that each gender completes the purpose of the other’s creation.

4. Teach your children about sexuality as they become ready to learn.

5. Protect your children from physical and sexual abuse.

By the way, I am very much impressed by guidance and good behavior of my mother Daw Myint Myint Win (a) Daw Ahmar and my father
Myoma U Than Kywe. They teach us not only by precepts but also by examples. And example is always better than precept. Due to their teachings, I know clearly what is good and what is bad, what is best and what is worst. I must always do good and best and avoid evil for the welfare of all.
Honour your parents by showing love and respect for them and by being obedient. Be willing to health in the home with chores that need to be done. Participate in family activities and traditions. Set a good example for other family members. 

Why Should We Respect and Support Our Parents

“No matter how much you try, you can never completely repay the kindness of two people: your mother and father.”

-The Buddha (BC 623-BC 543)

The more than three thousand volumes of outer scriptures concern no other matters; they teach nothing but filial conduct toward one's father and mother. Yet though [by following these teachings] one may fulfill his duties to his parents in the present life, he will be unable to help them in their life to come. The debt of gratitude owed to one's father and mother is as vast as the ocean. If one cares for them while they are alive but does nothing to help them in their next life, his actions, by comparison, are like a single drop of water.

In particular, Buddha lectured in surprising detail on the kindness of mothers. He said that, “If we look at men, they eat good food their whole lives, listen to Dharma speeches, and then have many kinds of experiences, so that even when they die, their bones are still white and dense. Women, on the other hand, bleed a lot in the process of childbirth, have to endure incredible suffering in their bodies, and struggle their entire lives, so their bones are black and brittle.”

Buddha said that right now, in this moment, if parents and children don’t respect and appreciate each other, then without doubt next life they will suffer miserably due to the debt that must be repaid. The Buddha taught that those with integrity would express gratitude towards those who have helped them. It so happens that the ones we should have gratefulness towards are the first humans we come in contact with in this life – our parents.

The debt of gratitude we have towards our mothers and fathers is not easy to repay. As an analogy, even if you were to carry your mother on one shoulder and your father on the other for 100 years, caring for them by various ways such as helping to massage and bathe them, and even clearing their waste, this would not repay their kindness. Neither would offering them absolute sovereignty over the whole world with its bountiful treasures do. This is so as our parents have done so much… via caring for and nourishing us, and showing us the ways of the world. However, if one spurs one’s unbelieving parents to have faith in the Dharma; one’s immoral parents to have virtue; one’s stingy parents to have generosity; one’s ignorant parents to have wisdom, then one does enough by repaying more than enough - by being their spiritual ‘parents’. To link our parents to the safest and most fortunate rebirths in pure land where liberation is guaranteed would be very filial indeed!

 

Parents should be Models

Honor your parents by showing love and respect for them and by being obedient. Be willing to health in the home with chores that need to be done. Participate in family activities and traditions. Set a good example for other family members.

Do you part to build to a happy home? Be cheerful, helpful and considerate of others. Many problems in the homes are created because families members speak are act selfishly (or) unkindly. Concern yourself with the needs of other family members. Seek to be a peacemaker rather than to tease, fight and quarrel.

We must nurture our children ...it is one of the important things we can do. A parent’s love and caring determines how a child grows up and how a child will

become as parent.

Adults can nurture children's positive self-esteem by helping them discover what they are good at doing. Part of a child's self esteem comes from feeling competent and skilled at something they enjoy. By creating opportunities for children to explore different objects, activities, and people ... and nurturing those interests, you can play a big role in helping children to be successful and feel good about themselves.

Parents under any circumstances should avoid from quarreling, acting rudely, divorcing between themselves, threatening to get divorced occasionally, speaking very rudely. As these kinds of behavior seriously hurt the feelings of the children, the parents should refrain from creating such scenes in front of them. The parents should be aware that if they keep on quarreling now and then, the children would feel isolated and insecure for their future and the health of their mind is threatened.

Naturally, the children yearn for kindness and love from their elders, parents and teachers, if they are loved, they also reciprocate similarly. They desire their family to have between parents and children, brothers and sisters, among sisters themselves.

Parents should provide love and care to their children all the time, should answer their queries with patience must be able to explain to them the do's and they don't s. It is also necessary to avoid being too disciplined, too, liberal, too favoring and to refrain from being extreme.

 

The parents should be patient with their children, they must teach their children with perseverance. They must be able to teach their children to understand the good and the bad, beginning right from the basics. If the parents themselves cannot be patient with their own, children then who else would be so.

Good manners are something our parents and other adults usually teach us as a child. Having good manners means showing honor and respect to everyone around you. It means being polite. It includes humility, humanitarian outlook, compassion, loving kindness and understanding.

Parents, teachers and other adults should always be examples of good manners. If adults are rude to children, then children will learn to be rude. If parents are impolite to each other, then children will learn to be impolite. If children hear one adult insulting another, they will learn to speak that ways, too.

There are three important things we must remember. Children's confidences in their parents are very important. Children regard their parents as their heroes, powerful benefactors. Parents are highly regarded and their confidants. Parents should understand that their actions and what they say are regarded as examples by the children: the parent's genes, the environmental situation, model character, behaviour and qualifications etc.

Parents should be example for their children. Thus, it is important that the parents should have good mind, good character, good behaviour, good thinking, disciplined, law abiding and good mannered. One must have love and respect for one's own country, religion, literature, family, culture, nationality for all in the same way. They love and respect to their country, their religion, their literature, their family, their culture and their nationality.

Every person should possess some moral courage to lead a useful life. We should have courage to do what is right and to abstain from evil deeds. We should have courage to speak the truth and about democracy and human rights and to speak out in the public. We should be courageous to stand for our rights. When we encounter losses and unpleasantness in life, we must have courage to be cheerful and to try again. We should develop both physical courage and moral courage as much as we can.

 

Parents’ duties: (These are the five ways in which the parents would accomplish their duties towards children)

 

The parents should dissuade their children from doing evil. Parents are the first school for their children, where they learn their elementary lessons in good and evil. Therefore, parents should be very careful to steer their children away from all kinds of evil, such as lying, cheating, dishonesty, and revenge. Parents should persuade the children to develop and manifest good qualities, such as kindness, obedience, courage, honesty, perseverance, simplicity, and good manners. Parents should see that their children learn a suitable art or science as well as ethical and moral principles. Education develops discipline, and the disciplined person is a blessing to any nation or country. Parent should arrange a suitable marriage partner for their children. If husband and wife do not assist each other, do not love each other, do not share their happiness and sorrow with each other, do not look after each other, do not respect each other, their experience will be life-long misery. The parents have the right to advise their children with regard to their proposed marriages. Parents should admonish them and explain the duties of a husband and wife as given in the Sigalovada Sutta. The fifth duty of parents is to hand over their inheritance to their children at the proper time.

Children should show their gratitude to parents by living a virtuous life, showing good respect to them, speaking to them in a nice and warm fashion, and taking good care of them. Children should never hold a grudge against their parents, regardless of their shortcomings. Every parent wants his or her children to be good and virtuous human beings.

Parents can set a good example for their children by caring for their own ageing parents. When we take care of our parents, we should do so without expectation of anything in return. We already owe our parents a tremendous debt for giving us life in a human form, for bringing us up and for giving us an education among other things.

There is happiness and harmony in the home when parents do their best in bringing up their children, taking good care of them and educating them, and when the children appreciate their parents' efforts in providing for their security and well-being. Familial love is a form of respect that children have for their parents. A child may express his gratitude and respect towards his parents by:

 

Supporting them;

Taking upon himself the duties that they have to perform;


© Copyright 2017 Myoma Myint Kywe. All rights reserved.

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