Winter Story

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Purely fictional story about snow, cocktails, romance, happiness, snowploughs, snow-shovelling, friendly neighbours, lack of heating, assholes, moronic wife, Xmas and medical conditions.

Submitted: June 20, 2013

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Submitted: June 20, 2013




Winter Story


December, 8, 18.00 hours

It started snowing. The first snow this year.

My wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours at the window to watch huge, white snowflakes float from the sky. It was like in a fairy tale. So romantic. We felt like

Newly Weds. I love snow.


December, 9

When we woke up, a huge, beautiful white layer of white snow covered every centimetre of the country side. What a fantastic sight! Is there a more beautiful place on earth? To move here was the best idea we’ve ever had. Had shovelled snow the first time in years and felt so invigorated. Shovelled the snow from our driveway and from the sidewalk. The snowplough came this afternoon and pushed the snow back onto our driveway and on our sidewalk. I got the shovel out again. What a great life!


December, 12

The sun melted all that beautiful snow. What a disappointment. My neighbour says, that I shouldn’t worry, we will definitely have a white Xmas. No snow at Xmas would be terrible.

Don says we’ll have that much snow before the year ends, that I’ll wish to never see snow again. I don’t think that’s possible. I love snow. Don is very nice – I’m glad he is our neighbour.


December, 14

Snow, beautiful snow! 30 cm last night. The temperature fell to below 20. The frost makes everything glitter. The wind took my breath away. But I quickly warmed up shovelling snow. What a fantastic life! The snowplough was back this afternoon and pushed everything back on. I didn’t expect having to shuffle that much snow. But this way I’ll get back in shape. But I wish I wouldn’t cough and splutter that much.


December, 15

60 cm forecasted. Got rid of my station wagon and bought a 4wheel drive. And winter tyres for my wife’s car and two more shovels. Stocked up the fridge. My wife wants a wood burner, in case of power failure. That’s ridiculous – afterall, this isn’t Alaska.


December, 16

A blizzard this morning. As I was salting my driveway I fell on my arse. The pain was excruciating. My wife laughed for an hour. I thought that was totally uncalled for.


December, 17

Still well below zero. The streets are too icy to get to anywhere. The power was gone for 5 hours. Had to wrap myself up in blankets not to die. No TV. Nothing else to do but to stare at my wife trying to unnerve her. Maybe we should have bought a wood burner, but I would never admit to that. I hate it when she’s right! And I’d hate to freeze to death in my own living room!


December, 20

The power is back on, but another 40cm of this damn stuff last night! More shovelling. Took all day. The fucking snowplough was back twice. Tried to lure the kids in our street to shovel for me. But they said they had no time, ‘cause they were playing ice hockey. Lying prats! Wanted to buy a snowblower at the hardware store. They were sold out. Won’t get’m back in to March. Fuck’n liars!

Don says, I have to shovel or the council will do it and send me the bill for it. He too is a stinking liar!


December, 22

Don was right about white Xmas, as we got another 30cm of this white stuff last night, and it’s that cold it won’t melt to August.

It took 45 minutes to get my shovelling gear on. When I was dressed, I had to piss. After I took the gear back off, had a piss, got dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to employ Don who owns a snowblower to get rid off the snow for me, but he said he’s too busy.

The fucking wanker is lying his ass off.


December, 23

Only 10cm of snow, today. And it warmed up to zero degrees. My wife wanted me to decorate the house. Is she fucked in the head? I don’t have time – Have to SHOVEL!!!!!

Why didn’t she ask me a month ago? She says she had, but I believe she’s lying.


December, 24

20cm. The snowplough pushed the snow back that tight, the shovel broke. Felt a heart attack coming on. If I ever catch the bastard who drives that snow plough, I’ll drag him through the snow by his balls. I know very well, he’s just hiding behind the corner waiting to I’ve finished shovelling. And then he tears along the street to throw tons of the stuff back onto the spot where I’d just shovelled. Tonight I wanted to sing Xmas songs with my wife and unwrap presents, but I don’t have time. Have to look out for the snowplough.


December, 25

Merry Xmas! 60cm more of the !@#$%! Snowed in. The thought of shovelling gets my blood boiling. God, I hate snow! Then came the snowplough driver to collect for charity. I worked him over with the snow shovel. My wife says I need anger management. She’s a fuck’n  moron. If I ever have to listen to Bing Crosby singing Xmas songs again, I’ll kill her.


December, 26

Still snowed in. Why on god’s earth did we move here? It was HER idea. She reminds me more and more of her hideous mother…


December, 27

The temperature fell to below 30 and the water pipes are frozen.


December, 28

It has warmed up to –5. Still snowed in. My moronic wife is driving me up the wall!!!


December, 29

A further 30cm. Don says, I should shovel the snow off the roof, or it will cave in. Must be the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. How stupid does he think I am?


December, 30

Roof caved in. The snowplough driver is sueing me for 50,000. My wife moved in with her mother. 25 more cm forecasted.


December, 31

Set fire to the rest of the house. No more shovelling ever again.


January, 8

I am well. I like those little pills they keep giving me … why am I tied to this bed?


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