Her Story

"..rather that (than) opening them slowly.."
"..that Perhaps (perhaps) dreams and out (our?) unconscious thoughts..that (than?) we care to.."
"..which had once shined (shone) so brightly.."
"..nauseous as my sensed (senses) roared.."
"..I (Mine) and my mother(')s relationship.."
"...understand what is (was- past tense) happening.."
"..deep and dark clircled (circles) ringed..and he(r) face.."
"..due to your father(')s violent.."
"..placed it upon my mother(')s.."
"..kind of life she had lead (led).."
"..something (she) had been waiting so long to express.."
"..then turned my attentions (attention) towards the.."
"..which I knew was my mother(')s bedroom.."
Wait a minute- the little haunting child is HER? She's haunting herself.. quite creepy :S There's never a dull moment with this, is there- whether it's waking up from a creepy child-possessed dream to find her wrists slit, or being told her mother killed her dad, and finding her dead; there's always something going on. Patrick really has no idea what to do, though I'm glad he hasn't had to admitted to an asylum- and that she told him the 'truth'. The mam killed her husband? then sent her children away, and lived in misery and guilt for the rest of her life before killing herself? It's quite ironic that Vida'd awoken to find her wrists cut and the mam died that way.. so much blood in these chapters. I apologise for taking so long on getting back to this; I've been reading a chapter a day. Great descriptions, and I like the positive end, despite what has happened. Update me, when/if you add more:)

As I began reading this, I realized that you are an amazing writer. I was drawn into the story right away. I loved the characters Patrick and Vida. I could feel the pain she must have experienced because of her miscarriage. Seeing the little girl was very spooky. Excellent beginning. You definitely have a talent for writing.

Well.. that was.. wow- seriously, I can still hear and feel my heart racing. I had no idea what this was about (once again didn't read the summary), but I was instantly drawn into it. Your descriptions are excellent and your use of vocabulary adds a slightly more mature tone to it. Usually, first chapters are about getting to know the characters and we did get to know the characters slightly, but more through actions rather than telling us, which is always a good thing to see/read. Straight away there's pain and emotion behind the words and I felt just as helpless as she did when she went through everything- and Patrick.. he really hadn't a clue. I wanted to scream at him and tell him what to do, but I didn't have an clue myself. Then the mysterious little girl.. Talk about graphic! I'm so curious as to who she is- is she a 'ghost' of her child, or what her child could have been like? The only thing I'd suggest is maybe have the chapters separate as length sometimes puts people off. I told myself I was only going to read one chapter, then I ended up reading the whole thing, and hopefully the next section/chapters. This is an excellent start and I can't wait for more:)