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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: March 13, 2016

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Submitted: March 13, 2016

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I started working with a woman in about September/October of 2015, but we were in separate departments and hardly ever worked together. She was married, early 50's, just a basic middle aged woman. But I judged her before I even knew her and actually thought that she was weird, ditsy, and boring. However about 4 months later at the start of this year, we went to a business event and there was a situation where we ended up sitting alone for about an hour. I felt totally awkward at first because I thought that her and I were VERY different people: she the older conservative family woman, me the young liberal ambitious gypsy. However when we started to talk, it turned out there were some difficult "situations" we had both been through that were similar to each other that had to do with family. She was suddenly very vulnerable and open, and I became far more comfortable with talking to her. It was weird because it was one of the first time we ever talked about personal stuff, yet it was so real and meaningful. I saw a side to her I had never expected to be there, and I realized on the inside that she was so much more than the weird crazy lady she seemed to be. Anyway, at work we ended up doing some stuff together over the course of the next few weeks, spending some late nights together. I told her a lot about me, and she told me a lot about herself as well. She's also one of those people who can really speak through silence and with her eyes. She comes across as this optimistic angel but you can see so much stress and pain that she is hiding deep inside. She opened up about her relationship with her husband, how some of her family is sick, and about a few other personal things. She seemed like she felt she had to be the strong one and that hurt to see her putting up with so much stuff. I am the type of person where if something is making me stressed, I'll try and fix it or just take a moment to breath, but she just kept putting up with it, acting like everything was all great. I'd hear her take phone calls from her husband who asked her to run out and buy things on her way home and she'd just keep agreeing and agreeing without any hesitation. She is honestly one of the only truly kind hearted people I have met. Everyone has some good in them, but she is honestly one of those few people left that would do anhthing for another person and not expect anything. I just want her to feel appreciated, understood, and special like she truly is. She is honestly the most beautiful soul inside and out, and I think that every imperfection about her is wonderful. It hurts me emotionally and sometimes almost makes my stomach hurt to know that somebody that great will NEVER truly be with the spouse that appreciates her. And she never even has flat out talked bad about him, even though it is written all over her face at the mention of him. Also, I have never felt so understood and so cared for when I talk about family problems and struggles from my past. I've talked to friends and even therapists about some of my feelings, and although I have gotten sympathy and help, nobody has ever actually connected to me and been able to fully understand what I meant the way she did. I know that there is a major age difference and that infidelity is wrong. I know how bad infidelity can be- it's something that bothered me about my parents for years and affected my childhood. But for once I think of it in a different way because there isn't really anything sexual or selfish about me wanting her... I just have never loved somebody's heart and imperfections so much, and never have I met somebody as truly kind hearted as her but I can see her breaking and feeling obligated to just live a settled mediocre life, which she'll never truly know she deserves so much more than. I don't expect to run off into a sunset with her, but I've gotta find a way to do something, because I know I'll never truly be satisfied until I know what can or could have happened between the two of us. I cannot just live on without answers. I have fallen for many people, but never for the reasons I have fallen for this woman. She's beautiful and funny, but I love her heart and everything inside of her more than anything, and it's the one time I am completely confidant in saying that I'm in love.


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