Somebody I Used To Know
‘Can I join you?’
I calmly turned my head to see who it was. I had not seen such intense eyes in years. She had one of those pairs of eyes that always seemed to be gleaming, even when one is in his greatest despair; those eyes always seem to be telling a new story each time you look into them. Those were simply adoring and captivating eyes. I was for once lost into them within seconds and seemed like I was blown to a new, beautiful world. But, suddenly I felt like being thrown on the sands from the clouds when I remembered what the consequences were when once I tried to trust the most promising eyes I had seen.
‘I don’t want strangers to join me. I don’t talk to them.’ My reply was cold, probably.
She sat on the bench besides me, and I was too pathetic to protest.
‘Well, if so, my name is Elara Waterwoods and I live down the street, only ten minutes if you walk.’ She said smiling. ‘I guess this is enough to kill the word ‘stranger’ between us or I can say more, if you want.’
‘That’s really sweet of you beautiful lady, but, why would you like to make conversation with a ragged and unappealing man like me?’ My this reply was cold as well.
‘Hmmm … I don’t think you should be any concerned with why I am concerned with you and by the way I can see you much more than mere ‘ragged’ and ’unappealing’. You seemed to be holding many stories within you which you have not shared with anyone in years.’ She said it so easily, so softly.
‘Well, I am glad to know that at least there’s still someone who would like to hear me. But you might not have time or you might find my story boring…there’s no any excitement or jokes to keep you linked, only tragedy. Many have left me because of my tragic life, her too.’ I think disappointment and despair was pretty clear in my words.
Her smile was consistent. ’Had I not have any time I wouldn’t have joined you in the first place, young man, and ‘
‘Young man? ’ I snickered as I interrupted her.
‘One is not any old in his thirties... I can call you young. Just your appearance doesn’t make you OLD, maybe excessive drinking has caused you to look pretty older than your age.’ Her smile changed to a grin as she said it with confidence, and honestly, it felt good. ’And, I’ve been observing you sitting here everyday, all by yourself, since days and finally I’ve got some guts to talk to you today’. Her grin faded to the familiar smile she was wearing earlier.
‘Were you afraid of me earlier?’ I asked, but with a little curiosity this time.
There was this silence that was developed out of some sort of understanding between us. I knew she was gonna reply and I waited, I let her take her time.
‘Actually, no.’ she broke the silence. I was still not looking at her, I was only staring at the nearby pond in which a pair of swans was playfully roaming around along with their few, I guess there were four, off-springs. However, I was giving her my full attention.
‘I was never afraid of you. Actually I was always afraid of how you gonna react when I come to talk to you.’ Her smile that was a little faded with my last question came flowing back and it was good to see…I could notice her expression even though I was not looking at her.
‘So, did I react the way you had expected me to do?’ I asked this time with a little lighted up mood and a slight curve of my lips.
‘Honestly speaking you did. Now I didn’t expect you ‘wel-coming’ me with a grin and a hug because I know how you behave and what sort of person you are…you are sorta easy to read’ she was smiling big. ‘You can’t hide properly. You just need someone to share your feelings with. I’ve observed your this behavior quite deeply in past few days.’
‘So you came up to let me share my feelings with you. And what makes you think that I will share anything with you?’ I was smiling but she might have got the real meaning of this sentence.
‘Because you love my eyes. I’m a psychologist, I can read it.’ She said it with confidence though her smile was faded by one or two shades.
The answer was little odd but I was not shocked by it either. I kept looking at the beautiful swans and could do nothing except letting out a quick laughter followed by her reply. I kept a smile on my face later, at least for a few moments before again losing them. Even she had started looking at the swans now; her smile was still consistent.
‘I was stunned by her beauty and blown away by her eyes the very first time I saw her. If I don’t lie I was amazed and scared by her at the same time- amazed by her beauty and, well, scared of falling for her.’ I started after a silence of a few moments. I can tell that she was waiting for it, she knew that I was about to open myself in front of her. I don’t know why I started saying these to her today, was it only because claimed to be a psychologist? But part of me refused to believe it; maybe I had started trusting on her. I didn’t know where it could have led, but it was involuntary. I wasn’t feeling any difficulty expressing myself to her today…I guess I would have shared these to anyone who’d have come to talk to me today, maybe. I felt lonely.
‘She was my new neighbor who apparently worked in some newspaper as a psychological column writer and was, apparently a psychologist. I was speechless when she arrived my front door to ask for a shovel and I could reply nothing; I must have looked a stupid jerk. But actually I felt like being converted to concert by the effect of her awe in the morning sunlight that beautifully caressed her flawless face, every beam of light seemed to be filtering through her cutely set up blonde curls and her eyes gleamed in a way that I still hope I could ever describe in words. She was simply replica of an angel.’
I was taken back to the same day when I first saw the love of my life. When I came back to reality I turned towards her who’d been looking at my face with watery eyes and a ‘sorry’ expression on her face. I couldn’t do anything but only give her a weak assuring smile.
‘It’s the most beautiful description of any girl I’ve ever heard. I doubt any philosopher can say it so beautifully, so lovingly.’ Her expression changed a little when I stopped and she spoke with her signature smile.
‘It was not even a couple of months later that she shifted in with me. We were supposed to be a happy and made for each other couple, but sadly not for a long time. You know somewhere I find myself a major reason for it; I guess I was quite poor in expressing my feelings. It was only our marriage day when I said her ‘I Love You’ for the second time. I regret for my behavior and lack of expressing capacity during those days.’ I ended the last sentence with a heavy sigh and comfortably leaned against the bench.
She was looking at me. ‘I must say you are quite good and impressive in expression of your feelings now. I love your way of telling the story.’ Her smile became little contagious.
‘Would you like something to eat?’ I asked her without thanking her or replying anything sensible.
‘Not really. Uummm…maybe a soda.’ She said with a grin because she knew I was changing the topic, or at least trying to break the flow of our conversation, Ok, my story.
‘Cool. I’ll go get some sodas.’ I said it standing from the bench.
‘Wait. You just sit here; I’ll bring ‘em.’ She said quite seriously and I didn’t deny. I just shrugged slightly and sat on the bench. She stood up, her coat in her right hand, and made her way to, apparently, get some sodas for us. I kept looking at her going, thinking what might have caused her to talk to me. I lost her vision, eventually, in a few seconds.
I leaned back and my mind was again occupied by some seven years past memories that I now considered BAD.
I started remembering her…
‘Why don’t you understand, Sam, we cannot drag this relationship anymore.’ She had been whimpering since past half an hour.
‘Drag ? You think we’ve been dragging our relationship? ‘I was sorta shocked to hear the DRAG word from her mouth for our ‘supposed to be perfect’ relationship.
‘Come on, Sam, we both know how our relationship is. Neither you are happy nor I can ever be happy with you…You need to understand this Sammy.’ She said these words by directly gazing into my eyes. Now the once perfectly glittering and promising eyes seemed betraying.
I was speechless. I only stood there with mouth shut, just kept staring at her. Not a few seconds later she came near me, held my hands and looked directly into my eyes ‘Sammy, I promise we’ll always be good friends, just this relationship thing, I guess we should stop it here. Whenever you need me, I’ll always be there with you.’
My heart was wrenching, it was shattered and I was feeling some sort of unknown pain in my heart, a literal agony.
‘Just because I don’t always express my love doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I love you so much, sweetheart, I really do. You know it.’ Honestly, I was trying my best to hold my tears up in my eyes.
‘I love you too, darling, but I don’t think we are good to be in relation anymore. We cannot go together…think ‘bout it calmly…m sure you’ll get what I’m trying to say. Honestly we’ve always felt lonely in each other’s company, you must agree on it. We are NOT made for each other.’
She left no room for me to argument.
‘Soda’ she brought me back to reality, to present day, where I was all ruined, and all deteriorated.
‘Thank you.’ I thanked her as she handed me the soda.
She sat on the bench again.
‘Why don’t you start a new journey, a new life, maybe with another partner? ‘It all came out of the blue, from her. I was not expecting it.
‘She cheated on me with a colleague of her in the same department, who according to her looked way too similar to Ryan Gosling. I swear Ryan Gosling would have murdered her if he had heard her say that…how can one even compare that man with Ryan Gosling?’ I said it taking a sip from the soda.
She broke into laughter as I said these words.
‘You are jealous of him, aren’t you?’ she asked while she was laughing.
‘Well, yeah, maybe.’ I said it smiling.
The swans were out of the pond and maybe making their way out to their home. It was good sight to see, quite pleasing.
‘I heard he dumped her. Probably, she’s alone as well now.’ I said flatly, smile gone now.
‘Don’t you think you should reconsider…’
‘No. I don’t think I’ll be able to love with the same dedication again. I was cut off and reattaching is not possible now’ I interrupted. I might have sounded rough, but I didn’t care.
‘It’s never too late. You should give it a chance; your love is pure, just don’t you kill it for a stupid mistake.’ It was a serious advice.
I stood up. ‘Thanks for the advice but I guess I should get going. It was nice meeting you, pretty lady.’ I started moving and she called from behind ‘You were right, Sammy, you were right then, you are, probably, right now too.’
I turned around to look at her still sitting on the bench ‘I’m glad finally you realized it, Elara…I still love you though and always will but now you’re just somebody I used to know!’
She looked into my direction and gave an understanding but weak smile. I turned around, started walking and she kept sitting there, maybe thinking the same thing as me-where we went wrong.
© Copyright 2016 nammu. All rights reserved.