bullies

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Personal Finance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Hay! I'm belgian, Almost 15 I'm going to write some stories dutch others english!
~loves me~

Submitted: May 30, 2015

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Submitted: May 30, 2015

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Hello everyone
It's a while since I wrote things..
Sorry in advanced...

But here I am again! ready to write, and I'm going to write about bullies, now bullies, everyone knows a bully, but there's a difference between Knowing a bully, or being bullied.

I've been bullied since I was what? uuhm... 5 years old I think...
Why, I don't know, they said I was to ugly so.. maybe that's why..
Now, it never really stopped
I've been kicked, insult, laughed at. All that stuff.

I hate that every time I finally feel okay, It begins again, It sucks serious.
I hate it, it's like, everyone I know, turns out to be a liar, or an asshole You don't have a clue how scary I truly am... I hate it, I don't trust many people, and at school I don't have many girlfriends, only boys, Always boys, and everyone thinks I'm like that happy girl you know, always happy, never sad, but actually I'm not, I hate school and life, I'm so fed up with it. No one really understands how I truly feel, or people don't know what to say if I tell them.. I can't handle people that constantly ask me what's wrong, if I want to tell, I tell, but I just can't It's been a year from now and I can't forget the past, you know, 10 years being bullied is long... 

 

There are so many times I think, I give up, I'm so done.
But I can't go away, I'm stuck in this thing that's called life, I can't go out, I can't but I want, I want to go, to a whole other place far from here..
A friends of mine is being bullied too and he knows I understand him, I ask what's wrong, but if he doesn't want to say, okay than I shut up, but if he tells that he's down, I always say this;
Hunny, I can't tell you to don't be down, and it all will be alright, cause you wouldn't believe me, I can't tell you to look forward and forget the future, cause you won't if I tell you, because ''why? only for me? are you damn crazy?'' yes I know you would think that, I've been there, I've done that, And its sucks ass man.
But I'm still not fully happy, I hate school, I mean everyone hates school, But I seriously hate school, I wanna stop with it you know, I can't tell my mom, I have nightmares, I still have, about killing my self.
That's crazy scary shit serious, if you wake up, crying, thinking you just killed yourself, it's crazy feeling. Cause you actually dream about an idea for killing you, it aren't always the same dreams, no, it are always different dreams. One with a train. One with a three. One with a jump. Always other dreams, always other feelings.
I hate to admit it, but sometimes I actually feel like still kill my self, it's weird cause Actually the real 'bullying'' is over, yes you always get hated, by someone. But when I get called ugly or something, It's so hard to get over that, I can cry for days for just one person that calles me one thing. Be careful with what you say. cause sometimes you don't mean it that way, but it is so hard to the people you say it to hunny...

And ofcorce I have some friends, most of them boys, and maybe you girls out there think, that's a damn dream, but, no, I mean yes I love them to death seriously, but, I miss the girl talks, the ''OMG look at that boy his ass'' you know? or that talk about kissing boys, that typical girl talks... I don't have them...

But if you have many boy friends, you fall in love very, very, veryyyy easily and you lose friends because of that
or, if they fall in love with you, but it's not the same for you.
I'm so not a person for relationships seriously, like I adore you for a week, but that I'm done, seriously, I don't know why that is, people say I have commitment fears, because of the bullying so I don't trust people, If someone says he loves me, I'm like yeah right. I don't believe people when they call me beautiful, I just don't
I don't say ''I love you'' really fast
Yes I'm that kind of girl
I get scared really easily like If someone doesn't react, I think he's mad
Or when someone doesn't talk to me for a while I get insecure
Or when someone just doesn't smile at me, i think he hates me

I'm fed up with this shit seriously! I want to be the kind of girl that stands there, looking beautiful, everyone is kinda jealous but still loves her to death, everyone likes her, one million followers, Perfect clothes, that kinda stuff? But I ask to much then I think...

but alright, you know, If you have a problem with bullies or anything, just contact me 
nathalie_wouters@hotmail.com

I respond as soon as possible!


~me~


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