In my deseperate need for internet fame I had to do something drastic.
So, I did what any blogger would do. I kidnap a celebrity.
We've all done it at some point. Let the interview being.
Nate: Welcome, Enrique. I'm glad you've decided to join us.
Enrique: Do you realize that kidnapping is wrong! I'm a beautiful man.
nobodies kidnaps beautiful men!
I did realize that was kidnapping was "wrong" So I kind of had to
agree with him. I'm not in a Mexican Cartel or Even a Bolivian one.
I thought it when pretty smooth.
Nate: Your agent would not return my phone calls. I have deadlines.
Enrique: I refuse to believe any newspaper/magazine would hire
someone with your standards.
Nate: I'm not with a newspaper.
Enrique: US Weekly? CNN? Youtube?
Nate: No, a Blog.
Enrique: You Kidnapped me for a blog!
I'll admit. I was stung by his analysis. Not everyone can work for CNN.
Nate: You say this as if this has happen before.
Enrique: It hasn't. Ever. Why Me?
Nate: Will get to that soon enough.
Enrique: What are your demands?
I'll admit. I'm surprised it got as far as this. I bribed his driver twenty
bucks to take over his limo and he agreed. Which reminds me to tell
Enrique he needs to put air on the left side. It's on the flattish side....
and maybe pay his employee a working wage.
Nate: Demands? Yikes! I forgot about that. I just wanted some
your time. Starting a blog is hard. Since you here I want thousands
of dollars. a jet ski. and tickets to the next abba concert.
Enrique: What kind of demands are those?
I realize Enrique had a point. These were exquisite demands.
I soothed my soul by telling myself I wasn't going to keep them.
Maybe, borrow them.
Nate: Hey! Have you ever try to get ticket to Abba?
Enrique: True. Have you seen them in London..... Wait! Wait
a damn second! I want out of here now. With me here... There's
one less beautiful person roaming the earth.
Which was true the world has reached a premium on beautiful people.
Sure there are plenty of good looking people and an abundance of those
in epic battle with their unibrow who are subjected to endless amount
of ridicule. Which is appropriate.
Nate: I'm not going to keep you. I just want an interview.
Enrique:. Ok. Go!
At this point Enrique was grumpy.
Nate: So, how do like the weather today?
Enrique: You kidnap me in the middle of nap! And it was a good nap!
to ask me how the whether is??
I don't see why the weather question bothered him.
I was making friendly chitchat.
Nate: Ok...Ok. I have 4 questions or differing levels of difficulty.
first what is the air speed of the air african swallow.
Enrique:Why do you need to know the air speed of an African swallow?
Nate: Please answer the questions. I don't tell you how to do you job.
Nate: Please speak into the mic so our audience can here you.
Enrique: You don't even have a mic.
Nate: That's true. Add that to my demands
Nate: Next, How's your dad doing? Is he doing alright?
Enrique: What!! What does that have to do with anything.
He's fine... He's fine.
Nate: Finally, Is a Anna Kournikova Is a blond as she appears.
Enrique: Actually, she made an interesting discover about the
dust partials in the atmosphere of Mars.
Nate: See, was that so hard?
Enrique: I guess not. I'm ready for more question if you have them
Nate: Nope, that was it.
Thus ends the accidental kidnapping...
(Enrique Ingesais was not harmed during this reenactment.)
© Copyright 2016 Nathaniel Rossi. All rights reserved.
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