The Queen of the Kayak

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is the legend of the Kayak Queen, lost for centuries but found on a buoy in the San Francisco bay.

Queen of the Kayak

Legend has it the Queen was born in class V rapids upside down, whiskey on the rocks in hand, and righted herself within seconds without spilling a drop. She learned to paddle before she took her first breath, and only learned to walk when "The Man" refused to let her take the bar exam in the water.

Her paddle, Kyakolous, chose The Queen at a young age, much like Excalibur protruding from the stone choosing King Arthur. She scoured the Earth's waterways for years, guided only by the faint call of her spirit twin. Finally, the paddle revealed it's secret location, buried deep beneath Niagara Falls. Upon arriving at the site the falls parted and granted The Queen access to all the paddle's glory. It has been told when the paddle first received her touch, it fused itself with her soul.

While the Queen is known only for her good deeds, those with a devil's heart fear her like no other. Poseidon's Trident trembles at the mere mention of her name. Zeus himself refused to comment, although he sweated profusely and his heart rate increased dramatically when He was questioned about her.  

Some say she is the Siren of the sea, her beauty blinding any seamen who happened to catch glimpse of her. Her fiery red hair burns brighter than the sun, and if any were so daring to come too close, would crumble to ash.

The Legend says; "Her paddle is one with her heart, and she glides on the water like the Eagle on the air."

Fact:  In this rare case, the truth is nearly as hard to believe as the myth.  The "Queen" has won the National, and Global Kayak challenges for 10 years running.  Despite being on the brink of medical disqualification for breaking both arms on her first leg of the competition on 2010, she convinced the judges to let her continue and won with not only a double digit lead in points but also in style.  
After completing her law degree, and passing the CA state bar, she gave up competitive kayaking.  She now practices environmental law, and models occasionally in Paris.  
Excerpt from Moby Dick:

Seamen 1: "Do you see that gorgeous Mer-woman?"
Seamen 2: "It's Mermaid, and DON"T LOOK AT HER, YEE'd GO BLIND! That's the Queen of the Kayak!"
Seaman 1: "ARRRR, I BE BLIND, but still very turned on."


Submitted: March 22, 2013

© Copyright 2021 NativeAmericanShaman. All rights reserved.

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Criss Sole

Very interesting article.
I enjoyed reading it.

Fri, March 22nd, 2013 7:10am

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