The day I was not "diverse" enough!

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic


Surviving as a woman in the men's world.

Submitted: December 02, 2017

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Submitted: December 02, 2017

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Me: Excuse me! How da... Did you just... I am sorry, I must have misheard you.
SEO: No problem. I asked if you are a lesbian. It is a simple question.
Me: What...But...What...What does my sexual orientation has anything to do with the executive position in your firm? You would discriminate against me if I was a lesbian?
SEO: Against you?! No, no, no, no; in favor of you. We think you are well qualified to join our executive team but we would rather if you are a lesbian.
Me: No I'm not. You know well that I'm not. You met my husband the other day.
SEO: Yeah but we all snack between meals. You looked quite lesbiany to us. Are you sure you are not bisexual at least? Not even some college experience? Anything? The position could be yours.
Me: But...Why?!
SEO: The firm's thinking is that diversity in our executive team is critical to having a good public image. So...
Me: Ah I see. But I am a woman. What better for diversity than having a woman in your all-male executive team?
SEO: Yeah but you see, the staff is already made of seven Caucasian guys and we go along well and thus have no intention of changing the composition of our team. Filling this position is our only chance to bring diversity to the staff; so the candidate has to be very diverse; very very diverse. You being an African-American woman is good, but we want more; being a lesbian...
Me: Let me stop you right there. Did you say African-American? But I am not black.
SEO: What?! Are you sure? Your skin is quite dark! Is this just a tan then?!
Me: I grew up working in a farm in Midwest; Working in the sun...
SEO: Oh shit! Then there is no way we could make this work. Then you are just a woman. Damn!
Me: A woman qualified for the job, sir!
SEO: [standing up] Yeah whatever. Sorry for the misunderstanding. Rachel will guide you out. Damn!
I stand up confused, going for the door. I am by the door that I hear the SEO saying:
SEO: By the way, from your colored friends if you ever sensed a lesbian vibe, then you have my number; The reward for referrals is quite handsome you know.
Me: How much?
SEO: $$$$$$ dollars.
Me: I will surely go to hell for this but unfortunately I need the money. I actually know just the person for you. She "is" a lesbian
SEO: Yeeeeeeeees!
Me: with over 15 years experience of leadership in top hedge funds. She is actually a top-notch...
SEO: Yeah yeah whatever. Please tell me she is from an under-represented minority.
Me: She is indeed. Aisha is...
SEO: Wow, wow, wow. Wait right there! What kind of name is Aisha? Is she a f***ing Arab?
Me: Arab?! No. Why the curse word! No, her family are actually originally from Kashmir, north of India. Kashmiris are actually one of the most under-represented minorities in our industry.
SEO: Who gives a shit! I meant a cool minority. Something like Hispanic, something like... Are you out of your mind! A f***ing Arab! I knew it is impossible to work with women. I told Bill from the beginning that we should hire a transgender. They are much cooler minority than women, much more diverse, and yet with already a male perspective of things. A f***ing Arab!
Me: Sir. I have had enough of your swearing! Before I leave let me just ask you pleeeease look up the word. I really do not think that is the meaningful way of using the word "diverse".
SEO: What do you know? I am getting a lecture about diversity from somebody that is not even diverse enough to be a lesbian.
Me: Yeah, not diverse enough! Sigh. Not diverse enough.

http://nehaview.blogspot.com/2017/08/the-day-i-was-not-diverse-enough.html


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