When the rainbow falls apart

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
Alex is a 16 year old guy that have a huge problem, he is in love with his besfriend Lukas...that doesn't seem to feel the saem way. I now it sounds crappy, but please read it?

Submitted: October 24, 2011

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Submitted: October 24, 2011

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The sun is shining, but it's raining and on the sky you can see a rainbow. I'm runing down the street, crying quietly for myselt. I have no idea where I'm going, I doesn't really care. I wanna get away from everything, from school, mom stupid questions and worried face. But most of all I wanna get away from him, the person that made me feel like this. The person that caused all my pain.

Finally I see a place were I can sit down and think. An old miserable playground. There is a slide, the color is almost completely worn off,  so it was probebly pretty popular back in the days. There are two old tire swings. Slowly I walk to one of the swings, like it would run away if i did any sudden movements.  Of course the swing didn't run away It's a swing it's not alive. I smiled, amused by my own stupidity.

Now I'm sitting here, looking out on the playground. It's quite a depressive sight. With it's old rusty swings, broken slide and forgotten sun-bleached toys. It reminds me alot of myselt. Forgotten, unwanted and crushed. Just a week ago I was a pretty happy person,  school was over and we got summer vacation. I had been my old colorfull, hyperactive me, that always smiled and hugged people without a reason.  Now tears are falling  down  on my cheeks, if someone saw me, i probebly looked pretty horrible. Since my makeup prebebly is smeared out all over my face.

I take up the ipod from my pocket, I gott to borrow Lukas cus mine is broken, I place the headphones in my ears. Desperatly I'm looking through the list of songs. But nothing seems worth listening to. But finally something cathses my interest. " The guy in the grave next to yours" . We got the iead to that song after watching a  really bad movie called The guy in the grave next to yours. The song is about how we always should be bestfriends and that we always would be there for eachother. Lukas has a mini studio in his basement and we often record music there.

I didn't think about that the swing doesn't have a backrest so I lean backwards. So now I'm lyning here on the ground, shaking and crying. I'm not crying cus it hurt when i fell, I'm crying cus I'm thinking of him and all the fun we used to have. And now it's all ruined and it's all my fault.

One more time the blood is pouring down my wrist. Though I promised myselt that I would never do it again.  But when Lukas just stood when I told him how I really feel for him it was the final drop that made the cup run over. He stood there and stared at me, then he turned around and ran away. I've tried everyting to get a hold of him, called, texted, emailed, I even sent a letter. But still no answer....

My fringe have fallen down over my eyes. MY FRINGE, my rainbowcolored fringe.We were going to dye my hair black with red higlights. But then things turned out the way they did. We found lots of half empty jars with hairdye that Lukas sister used to dye her hari extensions. So now my hairis shining in every color of the rainbow. I removw the fringe from my eyes, and what do i see when I look up at the sky? A rainbow, I can't do anything but smile. For a moment everything feels fine. But then a cloud covers the sun and the rainbow dies in front of my eyes.

My black skinny jeans and pink t-shirt are dripping wt and clings tightly to my skin. I'm freezing like a mad person, but I'm to tired to do anything about it. I can't feel my arms and legs. So I'm just lyhing there, letting the rain wash away my tears. I close my eyes and you I all I see. You my bestfriend, my crazy, funny, weridand totaly wonderful Lukas. Why do I feel this way about you!?  You're a guy, I'm a guy...Why you out of all poeople...? i know that you'll never feel the same. I know that you are in love with someone and you made it pretty clear that that person isn't me, But i couln't stop hoping...

I'm sick and tired of feeling this way, whatever I do it turns out wrong. But the way you looked at me lit a small fire of hope, you used to look me right in my icy blues and tell me I have the prettiest eyes you had ever seen. You used to hold me in your arms and comfort me when I was sad. It has started torain really heavy so I sit under a tree to get some protection. I lean agains the rough barken and turns up the music. Our song ended long ago and now plays a song called " Congratulations, I hate you". A small smile spreads across my lips, it's a Alesana song, my favourite band. Me and Lukas saw them last summer. it had been the happiest day of my life, But it seemed so far away now.

A wave of memories washes over me and it feels like someone stabbed me in the heart with a razorsharp knife. I want you by my side, Iwant you to see me as more than a friend, I want you to hold me and say that you love me. I can't even consider living in a world without  you. Now I have decided, I will take my life. I know that you shouldn't run away from your problems, that it's cowardly. But in that case I am the worlds biggest coward, cus I'm terrifed of being left alone in this confusing and cruel world.

Onece again I let the razorblade run down my wrists.Once again it stills my sorrow, once again I listen to Alesana and smiles. Never again will someone break my heart. Never again will I be ignored. Never again will I be left abandoned and alone. 

I close my eyse and starts to laugh. I don't really know why I'm laughing. But i guess it's cus I'm  so pathetic, my whole life was pathectic, so cliché. I mean to fall in love with your bestfriend. How many movies and books isn't tit about that? But at least they often end happy. If life an't just a joke, then why am I laughing? I put the razor to my throat and lets it do it's job. As it dripps with rubis the blood its flowing out from  my throat down on the ground below.  It vibrates in my pocket, but I have no powres left to answer. " You have reached Axels answering machine, I can't pick up  the phone at the moment. Please leave a message after the biip". The last I heard was how the awnsering machine started. " Erm it's Lukas, I just wanted to say sorry for runing away last week. I was shocked and confused. I couldn't belive that it was true. I love you....."

 

*

The next day he was found by a kindergarten that decided to go to the old playground cus the new was being rebuild. When Lukas found out he comitted sucide and his last wish was to be buried next to the only person he ever loved. So after all they will be togeher forever, even if it's in the life after this. If you love someone, tell the or it might be to late...

 

 

 

 


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