BROUGHT TO YOU BY PEPTO-BISMOL
(We start with Airstar in the kitchen.)
AIRSTAR: Man, where is the damn turkey?
(Takes out The Chuck and plops him on the counter.)
THE CHUCK: MEH!
AIRSTAR: That’s not it.
THE CHUCK: PUT ME DOWN, JERK!
AIRSTAR: Okay. (Puts him down.)
THE CHUCK: So Schoolstar and I are planning a Thanksgiving party.
AIRSTAR: Who the hell has parties for thanksgiving?
THE CHUCK: Cool people. You familiar with that?
AIRSTAR: So what is this a roman orgy? A kegger? A toga party?
THE CHUCK: No we’re uh…going to play…pin the tail on the turkey…
AIRSTAR: Jesus, The Chuck. That’s weak.
THE CHUCK: Well…whatever. I don’t care what you think.
AIRSTAR: Yes you do.
THE CHUCK: Yes I do. HOW DO I MAKE IT COOLER?
AIRSTAR: Start with that. Cooler. Get a cooler.
THE CHUCK: I don’t know where to find a cooler. I only know where to stumble upon one, like when I’m walking in the woods with my friend The Cheat, or I’m at my dad’s New Years Party.
AIRSTAR: Listen to me, little man, you are not a young kid anymore, you are a teen, and you need to start drinking, smoking and having anonymous sex!
THE CHUCK: Yes sir!
AIRSTAR: Don’t say yes sir, tell me to go f##k myself!
THE CHUCK: Go…f##k…yourself?
AIRSTAR: GOOD BOY!
THE CHUCK: I will do this! I will make it happen!
AIRSTAR: Good. Now get the hell out of here.
THE CHUCK: OKAY!!!!
(Cut to The Chuck in Schoolstar’s room in togas with a cooler full of cold ones.)
SCHOOLSTAR: This toga looks retarded on me, and you.
THE CHUCK: No it doesn’t…it’s flattering. Now shut the meh up and start attracting some peeps.
SCHOOLSTAR: Okay. PEEPS!
(Strong Bad and Strong Mad walk in with boxes of Peeps candy.)
THE CHUCK: What the hell is this?
STRONG BAD: Who ordered twenty crates of peeps?
THE CHUCK: TWENTY CRATES OF PEEPS??? JESUS CHRIST, THAT’S WAY TOO MUCH FOR THIS BLIMP TO HANDLE! THAT’S PAST OUR WEIGHT CAPACITY!
(They start to plummet towards the ground.)
(We start with Airstar watching TV in the TV room.)
AIRSTAR: Man do I love shows about celebrities being punked seven years ago. Thank god this blimp rebounded or I wouldn't be able to watch this quality programming.
(The Chuck comes in.)
THE CHUCK: Meh!
AIRSTAR: What’s that boy? Did Timmy fall in the well?
THE CHUCK: F**k you. The keg truck is here.
AIRSTAR: Oh it is? Wait, how the heck are we going to get all those kegs down there, up here?
THE CHUCK: We could bathe ourselves in Pepto-Bismol.
(Cut to Airstar and The Chuck bathing in Pepto-Bismol.)
THE CHUCK: I don’t know why I thought that was a good idea.
AIRSTAR: Dude, this stuff is great. It tastes great, and my digestive health is going to be rockin’!
(Schoolstar comes in with several kegs on dollies.)
AIRSTAR: Oh my god, how the hell did you manage this?
SCHOOLSTAR: Through magic. Naw, I just landed the blimp and loaded the kegs on while you two idiots bathed in Pepto-Bismol. Anyway, this looks like it’s a misprint.
AIRSTAR: How do you mean?
THE CHUCK: You sound like an assh**e when you say “How do you mean?” What do you mean?
SCHOOLSTAR: It says these are kegs of Pepto-Bismol.
AIRSTAR:…I beg your pardon?
THE CHUCK: Aw, meh. Yeah this is just my monthly Pepto-bismol delivery. The kegs don’t come until tomorrow. Damnit, I should have anticipated that.
AIRSTAR: You have got to be kidding me. This is bullcrap. WHAT THE F**K IS WITH YOU AND PEPTO-BISMOL?
THE CHUCK: It’s this show’s main sponsor.
THE CHUCK: Indeed!
(They all start laughing. Cut to commercial)
(We start with Airstar, The Chuck and Schoolstar bringing kegs on board and taping turkeys to the wall.)
AIRSTAR: Finally we got the alcoholic kegs we all know and love.
THE CHUCK: Why can’t we staple the turkeys onto the wall?
AIRSTAR: Because then this blimp would deflate, dumbass.
THE CHUCK: Oh yeah. Why do I always forget we’re in a blimp?
AIRSTAR: Because it looks so much like a house.I started out with a damn cooler and a sleeping bag for Homestar’s sake.
THE CHUCK: Okay. When are the peeps going to get here?
AIRSTAR: The peeps? Oh you mean the partygoers. Well, when does the party start?
THE CHUCK: Thanksgiving Day, 1pm.
AIRSTAR: Okay well it’s December 4th, so that gives us…
(Everyone stands there awe-struck.)
THE CHUCK: G** DAMNIT!
AIRSTAR: Hold on, don’t jump to conclusions. Let’s change this to aDecemberween party with kegs.
THE CHUCK: Fine. Let’s get to work.
AIRSTAR: Ugh, not today. I’m exhausted. Some other day.
(Cut to twenty-two days later. Everybody is putting upDecemberween lights and mini-trees and hauling in egg knog and kegs. The Chuck is wearing a santa hat.)
AIRSTAR: Now this is aDecemberween Party. When does it start?
THE CHUCK: 7pm, Decemberween day.
AIRSTAR: Awesome. And today’s the twenty-sixth, so we have plenty of time.
(An audio track scratches. Everyone stands wide-eyed.)
THE CHUCK: Sh-
(Cut to six days later, where a New Year’s Party is being put together.)
AIRSTAR: This New Year’s Party is going to be off the hook. Hey, does anyone know why there was fireworks last night? I mean who has fireworks on December 30th?
SCHOOLSTAR: Last night was December thirty-first.
AIRSTAR: Are you kidding me? Jesus Christ you’d think we’d have a better sense of time in this damn place.
THE CHUCK: I give up. Let’s get drunk.
AIRSTAR: I second that.
(We start with them wasted on the floor, cups everywhere.)
AIRSTAR: That alcohol, (hiccups) was flat as s**t.
THE CHUCK: Yeaaahh….hugghh…
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